Future MIL Problems part 2

[Tiffiney01]

Re: Future MIL Problems

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffiney01

Okay here's the problem...my FI and I decided together to have our DW in PV we love mexico.... Now his mother is trying to make him feel guilty for having it in mexcio instead of jamaica ( being that that's where they are from) she is even going as far as saying she will not attend if it's not and get this we are inconviencing her. Now I know this is hurting him because they are very very close but he's saying that he's not changing his mind for anybody it's our day.

On one hand I know if we go along with this and she doesnt attend he will be crushed and I wont have 100% of him on our wedding day.

On the other hand if we switch it to jamaica I know i wouldnt be happy because this is not what we wanted and we are catering to her needs. Am I being selfish? Should I just say lets do it in jamaica so he can have his mom there? Should I just say it and stick to the plan? HELP!

 

 

Some of you may remember the above post about my MIL back in October....Well it's official she is not attending our wedding she actually brought her ticket to Jamaica for 08-14 thru the 19th check out the dates . My FI said that he doesnt care but I know in my heart that he's hurting come on thats his mother and I cant take it I'm about to lose it ...for 8 years I've never had a problem with her we went shopping together, went to eat, went to the movies everything was great. I'm starting to think that some of the rumors are true that island parents mostly mothers are okay with their sondating whoever but when it comes to marriage they prefer that he marries his own kind... I know this sounds crazy but I'm starting to believe it based on her behavior...what do you think?

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[Mrs D To Be!]

omg how terrible....sorry i totally missed your thread from away back in october...so i don't know what others would have said...but if we had been put in that position, being completely honest, i would have changed the wedding destination, not without a fight, but we would have changed.

 

But for your fmil to then book up for another destination after you both have said no, thats just wrong! thats her trying to guilt you into changing destinations - thats just immature and not fair.

 

Its REALLY easy for me to say that i would change any of my plans for my mum, because i'm not in your shoes....but my mum passed away in July, and so I know how it feels to have no control over the fact she isn't going to be at my wedding.

[Chiquita]

Wow.. what a cow. Sorry you are having to deal with this. No way would I have changed my destination for anybody.. but that's just me. Especially since both you and your FI want it to be in Mexico! However I think this is something your FI should talk to his mom about directly and let her know how hurt he is about what she's doing.

[Jenn3878]

Wow I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Did she really book a flight somewhere else for your wedding dates? Thats insane!! Oh well I would say do what makes you happy and if she cannot be happy with you both then forget her!

[Tiffiney01]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs D To Be! omg how terrible....sorry i totally missed your thread from away back in october...so i don't know what others would have said...but if we had been put in that position, being completely honest, i would have changed the wedding destination, not without a fight, but we would have changed. But for your fmil to then book up for another destination after you both have said no, thats just wrong! thats her trying to guilt you into changing destinations - thats just immature and not fair. Its REALLY easy for me to say that i would change any of my plans for my mum, because i'm not in your shoes....but my mum passed away in July, and so I know how it feels to have no control over the fact she isn't going to be at my wedding.

I spoke to my FI back in October when she first mentioned it and it was his decision not to change it he said its not fair and she is being a spoiled brat and he loves dearly but if she cant be supportive and doesnt come she is the one missing out. As long as I'am there thats all that matters.

I'm so sorry for your loss but your mom will be there in spirit.

[Tiffiney01]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiquita Wow.. what a cow. Sorry you are having to deal with this. No way would I have changed my destination for anybody.. but that's just me. Especially since both you and your FI want it to be in Mexico! However I think this is something your FI should talk to his mom about directly and let her know how hurt he is about what she's doing.

I told him to speak to her but right now he has nothing to say to her. This whole situation is taking the joy out of my planning.

[Mrs D To Be!]

put it behind you now and try to enjoy the rest of your planning as much as you can lady...you will (fingers crossed) only do this once, so don't regret anything! 8 months are going to fly in....and your right, it is your fmil's lose!

[Tiffiney01]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenn3878 Wow I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Did she really book a flight somewhere else for your wedding dates? Thats insane!! Oh well I would say do what makes you happy and if she cannot be happy with you both then forget her!

My SIL told us and she just told me that her mom ask her to come with her to jamaica, Now why would this woman do that knowing she is already booked for our wedding! His mother is taking this too far. I'm starting to feel like I dont even want her there

[Kat81]

She will regret it. Trust me. Just stick with your plans and keep going as if nothing has changed.

In time she will either change her plans and come or she will regret missing her sons wedding. Let it fall on her. You two just enjoy planning your big day.

[JUSTUSTWO]

This totally sucks & I'm sorry that you're going thru this. Maybe this was her last ditch effort to try to get you to change your mind & have your DW in Jamaica. She probably did it thinking that she'll make you feel guilty & you guys will fold.

 

Since you've been together so long & you've always gotten along, I can't imagine why she'd have a problem with you now. You said maybe its an island thing, but maybe its just a "mother" thing.

For instance once we got married I noticed that my MIL sometimes try's to put DH in awkward situations & trys to see whose side he'll take when her & I have differing opinions. Luckily DH does not play into that. I'm his wife & it is what it is. We make decisions together & don't let her come in between us. It's like she tries to make him not forget that she is his mother & everything should go her way despite the fact that he now has a wife. Maybe this is what your FMIL is doing as well.

 

Yes, your FI may be hurt but if he's willing to go on without her being there & he's happy with what you chose, then try to stay strong & continue to stay with the location that you chose and do not let her steal your joy. This is your day, not hers. You will have wonderful memories of your day & in the end the fact that she wasn't there to share your joy won't even matter. She'll be the one who regrets it & ultimately it will be her loss.