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Why won't he marry me NOW!?!?!?!

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22 replies to this topic

#11 jajajaja

  • VIP Member
  • 9,794 posts

    Posted 18 December 2008 - 08:35 PM

    Everybody's doing it. We totally got married like 3 months before the wedding. We didn't tell anybody and nearly a year later the secret is still safe. No worries- I doubt anyone would be even offended if they did find out. People go to the out home receptions all the time and they aren't offended to attend just the reception.
    Happily married since 2008

    #12 syl1115

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    • 789 posts

      Posted 18 December 2008 - 08:52 PM

      I agree that it would save you a lot of money, but it seems like it is important to your FI to have everything legal in Mexico. Is he being sentimental or is he just worried about what others will think/say?

      Our wedding slideshowhttp://www.facebook.....=1047086342460

      #13 Jacilynda

      • Sr. Member
      • 2,777 posts

        Posted 18 December 2008 - 08:53 PM

        we're legally married, we did it exactly one year ahead, for insurance purposes. i'm a stay at home mom now so i needed insurance. some of our closest family members know, and no one cares. plus now we don't have to be there so many days in advance, do blood tests, or wait on translation. also we were going to have to pay $700 for paperwork and the officiant, if we did it at home and just had an officiant it would be $200, but since we're legally married we're actually having a family member (not even a certified officiant) perform our wedding. so we saved $700!!!

        Some companies do have regulations on your domestic partner other than how long you've lived together, etc. Ours only allows a same-sex domestic partnerships, otherwise you have to go to the courthouse and get a certificate saying you're common-law married, which you might as well just get married cause you can still get divorced from common-law.

        #14 Jen_S

        • Sr. Member
        • 3,737 posts

          Posted 18 December 2008 - 09:12 PM

          We live in NJ and my FI is on my insurance as my domestic partner. I believe it depends on the company. In my case they approved it, I do have to claim the insurance amout as a income which they then take the it out of my check two times a year.
          Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

          #15 Bridget810

          • Jr. Member
          • 168 posts

            Posted 19 December 2008 - 04:10 AM

            I can understand where he is coming from, if it is for sentimental reasons... I thought about getting married beforehand in the US to make it easier to get married abroad, but I just couldn't do it; for some reason I really need the ceremony to be the real deal. It was really, really important to me; more important than the location, food, dress, etc. So, if your fiance feels the same way, I say respect his opinion. Now if he is just worried about what others will think, that's a different story!

            #16 YoursTruly

            • Sr. Member
            • 1,097 posts

              Posted 19 December 2008 - 11:49 AM

              I agree with FI totally. It looks like your wedding is still some time away so maybe you can start now on your dental and either FI can help you out more with the expenses and nowadays, insurances offer cascading payments to make it easier to manage those intimidating bills that can rack up. It would be a greater deal IMO if you were without insurance totally!

              I'd say re-work the numbers and adjust where you can. You have waited a long time for your wedding day so would not suggest this a secret deal. You want your day to be special and beautiful.

              Best of luck to you.

              #17 bumbles

              • Member
              • 574 posts

                Posted 19 December 2008 - 12:04 PM

                I'm with you on this one!

                FI and I were legally married last month. It was a very special day! We both can't wait to say "I do" on the beach surrounded by ALL of our families and friends though

                At first, I was hesitant because I didn't want people to make a big deal about the legal day since I wanted the wedding to be the main event. Now, I am excited to have two anniversaries -- more excuses to celebrate! I realized that both days are/will be very real to us, both no less significant than the other, and that's all that matters. Our legal day isn't a secret, so close friends and family know.

                I don't understand why guests should feel deceived over a technicality. Sure, you're legally married but that doesn't make the vows you exhange and love for each other less real. They should be there to celebrate your committment to each other, which does not have to be confirmed by signing a piece of paper, IMO!

                The marriage license is just a legal document for the government; the wedding is for the people who matter :)

                I hope things work out for you!

                #18 KAYCE

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                • 23 posts

                  Posted 19 December 2008 - 02:06 PM

                  Between me, you, and BDW girls

                  Me and Chad were offically married November 21, 2008 and only told our parents. For me it was something that we decided on because there were issues of living together and not being married. For us it was the best decision---religion wise. But we didn't do anything special. We actually went to work that day..got off early pick up our marriage license and got it notarized. Believe it or not I stop the notary in the middle of it to call my mother so she could hear me finish my vows. Then we went to get a hamburger. To us we did what we felt was right for us but our actually ceremony is May 18. Of course I told two of my bestfriends, my mother and father; but my brother and other family have no idea and I don't feel like I am deceiving them because our ceremony will be in Jamaica...and its a vacation. Yes Nov. 21 is a special day that WE will remember but our ceremony and being there with our family is what makes a wedding a wedding to me. I hope I make sense to you and I hope that I was of some sort of help.


                  #19 Archie510

                  • Newbie
                  • 78 posts

                    Posted 19 December 2008 - 02:38 PM

                    Get him on this site and let him see that it is no big deal to get legally married here and have your wedding ceremony / celebration there!
                    It really is no big deal!
                    Get him to add you on!

                    #20 jajajaja

                    • VIP Member
                    • 9,794 posts

                      Posted 23 December 2008 - 02:55 PM

                      I would just like to add that even if you get legally married before, I don't think it takes away from the ceremony AT ALL!!!! Maybe others had different experiences, but I haven't read anything implying different on this forum.

                      We were married 3 months before, but our ceremony was beautiful and completely full of emotion. It did not take away from that special moment at all and it was completely meaningful. IMO, we just took care of the legalities before hand- it's no different than getting your marriage license in advance and then having the ceremony later.
                      Happily married since 2008

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