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Our first "real" fight as a married couple...

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#1 KAMAY11

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    Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:17 PM


    I have had a week from hell (i feel bad saying that, because i know there are some people that are worse off than me...but I am going to be selfish and bitch about my issues for a moment...lol.) First, I found out on Monday morning that my Grandpa had a severe stroke. Growing up, this man was the closest thing i had to a father. He and my grandma are the reason that my mom and sister and I weren't living on the streets. I am beyond devastated, but he is improving so that's what's keeping me from totally losing it!

    Then on Tuesday, I was trying to park the damn truck that my DH drives and I ACCIDENTALLY backed in to this ladies' vehicle. (In my defence, the amount of snow we have in this city and the condition of the roads in the parking lots is not ideal!!!!) I left her a note with my info to call me blah blah. Well, my DH is BEYOND pissed at me. Yes, i completely understand it's crappy timing (xmas, and him being laid off for a month) but why can't he BE MY FRIEND through this?!?!?!?!?!?!?! He is the type of person that gets soooooo frustrated when people make (in his mind) dumb mistakes....I keep trying to tell him that life is full of accidents and mistakes, but it's like he doesn't get it. So for the past few days, he's barely been talking to me or returning my text messages. I'm sad trying to deal with my Grandpa and I absolutely HATE fighting with people, especially Doug. I know this is one of those "give him time" situations, so I just have to hang in there....but it still sucks in the meantime!!!

    Thanks for listening!
    D & K
    October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


    #2 DanielleNDerek

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      Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:43 PM

      I'm sorry about your Grandpa. my dh gets upset when i do stupid things too, but it usually a 5 minute lecture and a "why would you do that" kinda of thing and then he drops it. Really Doug needs to get over it or at least not ignore you. Your not a kid that disobeyed him, you had an accident. Accidents happen. Dont beat yourself up over it. Does he know how upset you are about your grandpa? I hope he gets over it and is there to comfort you during this hard time.
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      #3 baj123

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        Posted 18 December 2008 - 02:36 PM

        I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa - that's really terrible. I hope he (and you) are okay.
        I live in Calgary as well and I will say this, the roads suck and there have been a TON of accidents in the last week or so. Just last night I had to have 4 people push my car away from a curb because I was so stuck! So, I think that it's not really your fault with the accident.
        I'm sorry your week wasn't so good but I'm sure it will get better!!!

        #4 BC Bride2be

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          Posted 18 December 2008 - 03:28 PM

          I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa, I hope he has a speedy recovery. I wish I had some great advice that would make you feel better, the only thing I can say is that maybe explaining to Doug that there are big things in life to worry about (like your grandpa and other than a small ding in your truck and/others person car)- who cares about those 'small' things... you have your health and your love.. sometimes just saying it can make the other person realize they are make a mountain out of a mole hill.. i don't know why its so hard for men not to sweat the small stuff in life..

          #5 Soon To Be Mrs. Gomez

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            Posted 18 December 2008 - 07:30 PM

            Oh. That's so sad. I feel for you. Bad news about family and tension with your loved one is terrible. I agree that your husband should calm down a bit and the ignoring bit is not okay. When he clams dow, you should talk it over because silence is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. I hope everything gets better.

            #6 GracieBebe

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              Posted 19 December 2008 - 01:47 PM

              I am so sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I hope he gets better soon. As for your husband (and please don't take this the wrong way, I'm sure he is a wonderful man which is why you fell in love with him in the first place), but he is being petty and selfish. You had an ACCIDENT. It might technically be your fault in the eyes of the insurance company, but given the weather conditions, and the stressful, emotional state that you are probably in, etc, it could have happened to anybody. He should be thankful that you and the other person weren't seriously injured! He is allowed to be upset and mad at the situation, but he doesn't have to be "punishing" you like he is by ignoring you and not texting back, etc. That's manipulative and a bit like emotional blackmail, especially when you are going through such an emotional time yourself. Also, another food for thought, what if the situations were reversed? How would he feel if you were to treat him like he is currently treating you if someone close to him like one of his parents were deathly ill, and he had a car accident or something? If you gave him the cold shoulder, would he be as forgiving? If yes, then I say just wait it out b/c his annoyance/anger will blow over. If no, then this is something that needs to be discussed between you both. I hope I didn't come off sounding very harsh, but I am empathizing/sympathizing what you must be going through. Best wishes!!!!!
              - Grace
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              #7 Hartyt509

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                Posted 20 December 2008 - 08:24 AM

                I'm sorry about your grandpa, I have no grandparents left so I know its hard.

                This may seem harsh and I know you don't want to do it but you need to play DH at his own game, he's acting like a spoilt brat so treat him like one lol It'll kill you but don't text him and give him the cold shoulder i bet all of a sudden he'll start talking to you. Works everytime with FI who is also a spoilt brat about some things lol

                #8 Kelly C

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                  Posted 20 December 2008 - 02:54 PM

                  Oh Kaylee, Im so sorry about your grandpa. And my hubby is the same way. So I know how you feel. It sucks. He will get over it he doesnt have a choice. But it sucks he making it last for so long.
                  Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


                  #9 LadyCheese

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                    Posted 20 December 2008 - 06:24 PM

                    Wishing you grandpa a speedy recovery!!

                    Keep your head up during these trying times....I agree with everyone that DH shouldn't ignore you, thats the worse feeling. I hope he really comes around soon, besides you are human and accidents do happen.

                    #10 Duchess

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                      Posted 21 December 2008 - 03:47 AM

                      My advice, FWIW, I would stare him straight in the face, and say nicely but firmly, I want you to forgive me very much, because I am truly sorry, but I am done begging. When ready to forgive me, please let me know. I love you, and hope it doesnt take long for you to get past this, because every moment is painful for me, but I'm not begging.

                      And turn on that heel, and walk away, girl! Thats what works on my hubby if he's being a brat.

                      On the other hand, when he's furious, I stay the F**K away. He once wanted me away from him so badly that sat outside our front door (we live in a condo building) and ate a bowl of cereal!!


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