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One month to go...and we just had a HUGE fight!


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#1 neen

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    Posted 18 December 2008 - 12:51 AM

    our wedding is exactly one month away and FI just had a big screaming match. Is that normal? I'm stessed at work, I'm stessed about christmas shopping (which I've done for his family and mine), I'm stressed about getting all the details and printing and gifts and organizing done for the wedding (all of which I'm taking care of) and FI has been playing videogames from the time he gets home til he goes to bed for the last week. He had exactly 4 things to do for the wedding: book our honeymoon (I did it because he dragged his feet until well into September!), pick our first dance song (I did it because he dragged his feet until October), pick/order groomsmen gifts (still not done), figure out what we're doing on our honeymoon (hasn't even been started!). So I'm nagging him and cranky everyday for the last week and I guess he's had enough of that and picked a fight.

    I'm not worried in the least that he doesn't love me or doesn't want to marry me. I am just worried that its not good that we had a big fight so close to our wedding date. I get that I'm feeling underappreciated, I just want to know I'm not the only one in this kind of situation...

    #2 syl1115

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      Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:02 AM

      I think we have all been through it. I had a big blow out with mine right before the wedding. I was trying to do everything and he was doing nothing! It is just a stressful time for you but I wouldn't worry to much. Just take a deep breath and relax. Everything will fall into place and the wedding will be beautiful. If you need help with anything, just ask BDW and we will help you. I'm not working right now so I have all kinds of time on my hands! LOL
      Sylvia

      Our wedding slideshowhttp://www.facebook.....=1047086342460

      #3 rodent

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        Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:22 AM

        I've seen so many huge pre-wedding fights. It's a really stressful time. I hated when mike & I fought while engaged. But, it's unrealistic to think that we could go an entire year without a few screaming matches.

        I know a lot of couples that fought the night before their wedding.

        I tried to not get angry that he wasn't helping. I told him from the beginning he didn't have to help unless I really needed him. A few times I still got grumpy that I was so busy & he was relaxing. but, overall I wanted all the wedding stuff. He could have done without it so i didn't think it was fair to make him share in the work & most of the time I really enjoyed it. he always stepped in when i really needed him. but, i think i did end up doing most of the jobs assigned to him.

        #4 neen

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          Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:26 AM

          yeah, i'm feeling better now having vented...and most of the wedding stuff is what i want, not him, so you're right. but it would be nice to not have to worry about the groomsmen gifts or the honeymoon at the end of the day :)

          #5 rodent

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            Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:39 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by neen
            yeah, i'm feeling better now having vented...and most of the wedding stuff is what i want, not him, so you're right. but it would be nice to not have to worry about the groomsmen gifts or the honeymoon at the end of the day :)
            I agree. When you have so much to take care of, it would be nice if he'd do even a tiny part.

            I never like to be given a task to do right then. I like to do it when I'm in the mood. So I'll leave mike a sticky note asking him to get something done in the next week. it seems to work better that way. I know I get irritated if I decide I'm going to do something one night & mike wants me to do something else. it feels like living with my parents & having chores.

            The last month was the hardest for me. I was just so over the planning & wanted to just be married already. The hard work is totally worth it when you get there, but in the last few months it's easy to regret even starting all these projects. I can't relate to the brides who miss wedding planning & want to do it again. I am so glad it's over You are almost there!!!

            #6 Duchess

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              Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:59 AM

              Yep, agree totally. First of all fighting is so normal, especiallly under big stress like a wedding. Plus, this is so much a priority for the bride. Sad, but true in most cases. Plus, the little things we do to make it perfect are insane to them. At least my FI thinks I am crazy when I talk about printing stickers and water bottle labels. Hes like why cant we just give them regular water? Uh...Good point but shut up! You know what I mean?

              I will admit he hasnt been totally useless, but its on things he is interested in, like getting sunscreen for oot bags. Not THE MUSIC PLAYLIST.

              Well, I guess my point is that you are in good company. But its nearing an end (mine is in a matter of days) and I cant wait to just chill and be done with it too!

              #7 Opice34

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                Posted 18 December 2008 - 02:21 AM

                So, pre-wedding, I was doing everything and FI was doing nothing. We didn't fight about it, but I was pretty annoyed. (He also had only about 3 tasks and waited to the last minute and I either ended up doing them or helping him with them.) I never brought it up because he never wanted to deal with all of this wedding hooplah any way. He just wanted to run away and get married. I made it into a much bigger deal than it had to be, and I'm glad I did, but it was my coice, and if he'd had his druthers, he would not have done any of the things that were stressing me out like gift bags and programs. So, I didn't say a word before the wedding and sucked it up and did it all myself.

                BUT, the beautiful thing is, now we're home from the wedding and we received so much praise about how wonderful everything was - he's even so glad we did the gift bags because everyone raved about them and it truly made everyone feel welcomed! - now he's completely appreciative of all of the work I put into everything and I haven't done jack squat around the house. Seriously. Nada. He unpacked our bags, did all our laundry, takes out the trash, has done all the grocery shopping, pays the bills, gets the mail, washed my car. I know this won't last forever, but he now gets why I was putting so much effort into everything and I think he's trying to pay me back a bit by lessening my load now. :)

                OH - and he doesn't play video games, but I had a 4 page to-do list and was running around like an idiot while he sat on the couch for 3 hours watching football. I did, at one point, say "Can I see your to-do list?" We also would have had a blow-up, but I never really brought it up because I knew he'd tell me that's why he didn't want a big wedding!

                So - I'm sure it's normal, you may not get appreciation beforehand (I don't think they REALLY understand all it entails!), but hopefully he'll appreciate it all after he sees how wonderful anything is! But just hug it out and make up! Fights happen, but the sooner you make up the better! We're just such very different creatures, after all...

                #8 Kat81

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                  Posted 18 December 2008 - 02:58 AM

                  Yeah, the month before pretty much sucked. We didn't get in screaming matches BUT we were so short with eachother. I was so stressed out and he didn't help much. Around the week before we left he pitched in a lot because he knew I was freaking out. In the end, even if he would have done something I probably would have redone it anyway so I guess it was better he stayed out of it. He did do the Groomsmen gifts but not until a few days before we left. I wasn't worried about it though in my mind that was his deal if he didn't do it. Anyway, Just take a few deep breathes and know that it is all going to be so worth it and it's so close now just try to not to go insane and enjoy it as much as you can :)

                  #9 katrina

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                    Posted 18 December 2008 - 09:51 AM

                    we had a screaming match the night before our wedding. it was totally a bummer. and as we kept fighting, we stopped getting mad at the original argument and just got so mad at each other for fighting right before the big day! when i look back, it's certainly not how i want to remember that night, but that's life- stress happens.
                    I've seen so many huge pre-wedding fights. It's a really stressful time. I hated when mike & I fought while engaged. But, it's unrealistic to think that we could go an entire year without a few screaming matches.

                    I know a lot of couples that fought the night before their wedding.

                    I tried to not get angry that he wasn't helping. I told him from the beginning he didn't have to help unless I really needed him. A few times I still got grumpy that I was so busy & he was relaxing. but, overall I wanted all the wedding stuff. He could have done without it so i didn't think it was fair to make him share in the work & most of the time I really enjoyed it. he always stepped in when i really needed him. but, i think i did end up doing most of the jobs assigned to him.


                    #10 rodent

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                      Posted 18 December 2008 - 01:17 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Opice34
                      So, pre-wedding, I was doing everything and FI was doing nothing. We didn't fight about it, but I was pretty annoyed. (He also had only about 3 tasks and waited to the last minute and I either ended up doing them or helping him with them.) I never brought it up because he never wanted to deal with all of this wedding hooplah any way. He just wanted to run away and get married. I made it into a much bigger deal than it had to be, and I'm glad I did, but it was my coice, and if he'd had his druthers, he would not have done any of the things that were stressing me out like gift bags and programs. So, I didn't say a word before the wedding and sucked it up and did it all myself.

                      BUT, the beautiful thing is, now we're home from the wedding and we received so much praise about how wonderful everything was - he's even so glad we did the gift bags because everyone raved about them and it truly made everyone feel welcomed! - now he's completely appreciative of all of the work I put into everything and I haven't done jack squat around the house. Seriously. Nada. He unpacked our bags, did all our laundry, takes out the trash, has done all the grocery shopping, pays the bills, gets the mail, washed my car. I know this won't last forever, but he now gets why I was putting so much effort into everything and I think he's trying to pay me back a bit by lessening my load now. :)

                      OH - and he doesn't play video games, but I had a 4 page to-do list and was running around like an idiot while he sat on the couch for 3 hours watching football. I did, at one point, say "Can I see your to-do list?" We also would have had a blow-up, but I never really brought it up because I knew he'd tell me that's why he didn't want a big wedding!

                      So - I'm sure it's normal, you may not get appreciation beforehand (I don't think they REALLY understand all it entails!), but hopefully he'll appreciate it all after he sees how wonderful anything is! But just hug it out and make up! Fights happen, but the sooner you make up the better! We're just such very different creatures, after all...

                      maybe that needs to be a grooms main job- to praise everything we did.

                      while we were in mexico, mike said 100 times what a great job I did & how proud he was that I planned everything perfectly. I know he was only saying it so much to be sweet, but it felt great. when we got back he continued the praise for a while.

                      we were yelling the night before the wedding, but not really at each other. It was more of a joint yelling about the aweful Lomas guy. we had a hotel room screw up that was really stressing us out. the night before the wedding he wanted me to spend all evening on the phone canceling credit cards, etc. I wanted to deal with it when we got to the US & enjoy our time in mexico. so we argued over what approach to take. I really didn't want a fight like that the night before the wedding, but it was impossible to avoid. things were so stressful with the room issue. luckily his sister came in & saved the day. she took over for me & made the phone calls to our TA. everything was straightened out before we got back to the US & we got to enjoy a wonderful evening instead of spending it on the phone.




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