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Holidays with the In-Laws

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40 replies to this topic

#1 BajaBride2010

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    Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:53 PM

    Hello all,

    This time of years always seems to be a little difficult. My FI and I have our on set of traditions for the holidays (he likes to be with his family and I like to be with mine). Can you guys please share or advise of how to get over this hurdle. Our families live about 75 miles from one another so the 1/2 days do not work well. I think I live in a bubble world and thought the guy just kinda went along the the girl.

    please share any advise, story or your current trandition and how it changed

    #2 ~*Kathy*~

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      Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:56 PM

      Hmm...well this Christmas, my FI and I are going up to my parents' place on Dec 23 after work and then leaving sometime in the early afternoon on Dec 25 to go down to his parents' place until the early pm of the 28th as we have to drive home that night because we're working the following week.

      I hope this helps!

      #3 Angela139

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      • 455 posts

        Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:05 PM

        Oh dear...I deal with this situation every year, much to my frustration! We have four sets of parents between us - one on the west coast, one on the east coast (both mine), one in the city we live in, and one a couple of hours away. Every Christmas is a headache, because all parents feel offended that we "choose" to see other ones, or that we spend more time with someone else, etc etc. I am somewhat used to it now (this will be our sixth Christmas together), and have had to just realize that I cannot be in four places at once, or even over every holiday season (air fares to both sides of hte country and back!), and that family has to accept this. What we actually do is this: one year is his family's turn, in which case we spend half with his father's family, and half with his mothers. The next year is my family's turn, and so on. The families weren'tpleased with the arrangement at first, but what else could we do? They've accepted it now and look forward to their "turn" lol

        I hope you guys are able to work it out! I really sympathize with you, I undestand completely how stressful this situation can be.


        #4 jajajaja

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        • 9,794 posts

          Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:11 PM

          this was a hard spot for us when we first got together. It was such a juggling act and bouncing from house to house was more tiresome to me. I hated it because I felt like I didn't have time to really celebrate the holidays.

          Fortunately, his parents have conceded and decided to have xmas on the 27th this year. Yay! No more bouncing around. When we start having little ones though, I'm thinking we will propose to have the holidays at our house. They can all come and we can celebrate together rather than running around crazy.

          GL- it's definitely hard, but maybe it's time you come up with some new traditions that will work for your both as a couple.
          Happily married since 2008

          #5 Kat81

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            Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:17 PM

            Yeah, you need to work something out. Maybe one family can do Christmas Eve and the other family can do Christmas. I remember as a kid we would do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas with another. Same with Thanksgiving we would do Thanksgiving with one family on Thursday then usually one with the other that weekend. That or you can do every other year.

            #6 *Casey*

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              Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:32 PM

              Well, this is an issue for us too. Stu is an only child so his mom feels like she has to have him for every holiday since it's just him, her, and her husband (Stu's step dad). It's easier I guess for us because both of our parents and immediate family live in Dallas. Also, they do their big thing on Christmas Day, and my family does our big celebration on Christmas Eve. Every year in my family we rotate whose house we all go to (there's about 30 total). In my family all of my cousins but 1 are married and every other year is the "big christmas" where we all are together, then the next year is "small" or "outlaws christmas" where all the cousins go to their significant families houses. That way at least every 2 years we have everyone together at the same time no matter where we are. But I don't see my FMIL liking this too much if we have to go to Austin or something one year, especially since we don't currently live in Dallas and only go home a few times a year as it is. I totally feel your pain!

              #7 missdanelle

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                Posted 03 December 2008 - 06:06 PM

                Oh dear... I have the same situation in my realtionship and its always hard around the holidays. I think the most important thing is to compromise and be fair! Good luck, it wall all be worth it!

                #8 Sloan

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                • 1,279 posts

                  Posted 03 December 2008 - 11:08 PM

                  I avoided this problem this year by choosing to work the 24, 25 and 26th instead!!
                  Usually most years we do Christmas morning with his parents and brother. Christmas night with my Mom and sister - unless they've gone to stay with my extended family. Most of the time my extended family has the big dinner on Boxing Day in TO, so we truck it down there if Im not working.

                  #9 Maura


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                  Posted 03 December 2008 - 11:16 PM

                  i can sympathize with ya, sister. my inlaws live in a different country, & we bought plane tix back in september - and paid an effing arm & leg for them. my parents, who live in the same city as us, were offended that we chose to go to mexico for christmas. our logic is that we live in the same city as them, and can see them anytime. plus when my MIL thought we werent coming for xmas because i almost had to work on the 26th, she flipped out. but my parents' feelings were still kinda hurt. i dont know that we will ever find a solution that will make both sets of parents happy!

                  #10 Alyssa

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                    Posted 03 December 2008 - 11:33 PM

                    this is a tough one - it is a bit easier for me b/c my DH is Christian and my family is Jewish so Easter and Christmas day we typically go to DH's family, all the Jewish holidays we go to my families. the big one for us is Thanksgiving so we alternate families every year - we have been doing this for 5 years now and although they don't like it they accept it.

                    also - we are planning on getting a big enough house where we can host a lot of holidays and invite everyone together.

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