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groomsman passed away - not sure what to do now...

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19 replies to this topic

#1 scoutley

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    Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:34 PM

    I'm sure that this has happened to someone here who can help me out, or even if it hasn't, maybe you have an idea of what we could do...
    My fi and I each have two attendants. In a tragic accident, one of his groomsmen, along with his wife, passed away last week. I have no idea what to do. People have started asking him what he's going to do, who he'll have stand up with him (which is making him more upset). I've told him that there's no rush, he can decide what he wants - either to ask someone else (there is a slim possibility that the groomsman's brother may fill in, which I think is totally fitting) or to leave the position open, in memorial. I don't know. My problem is that I don't know if a wedding should turn into a memorial (I hope I don't sound horrible saying this, I miss this man and his wife with all my heart, and our wedding and our lives will NOT be the same without them). I just sort of feel that this is supposed to be our day, and although we can remember them and pay tribute to them, I'm not sure I want an uneven amount (especially when its 2 on my side and 1 on his) of attendants.

    Thoughts? Advice? I appreciate anything...
    What a PERFECT day it was ...

    #2 boscobel

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    • 24,213 posts

      Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:41 PM

      Personally, I think I would leave the space open. The evenness of a bridal party wasn't important to me and it certainly won't effect the look of your wedding. However, this is YOUR wedding and it IS about what you are comfortable with. (You meaning you and your FI) I would def ask your FI what he wants to do and honor his wishes. I am very sorry for your loss.

      #3 *Casey*

      • Sr. Member
      • 5,209 posts

        Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:47 PM

        I'm so sorry to hear about the accident... that's so hard! At one of my best friends weddings, the only brother of the groom, and his dad had passed away, and the mom carried 2 roses down the isle to represent each of them. I thought it was very tasteful, appropriate and sweet. Could the groomsmen brother stand with yall, so it won't be uneven, and maybe have a special boutonniere to honor him? It is your day, but I also feel that if each of you only had 2 attendants each, that both of his must be very close and pretty important. So when you look at your pictures later on down the line, you will always see something representing your FI's best friend. Just a thought. Again, I'm so sorry yall are having to go through this right now. Let me know if I can do anything at all to help!

        #4 JaimeLynne

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        • 4,791 posts

          Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:51 PM

          Gosh, I am so sorry! I have no idea what it would be like to be in that situation. I'd say, let your FI decide - since it was his GM. Ya know?

          Again, I'm very sorry...

          ~ Jaime & Martin ~
          "Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"

          We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!

          We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!

          #5 KellyG24

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            Posted 03 December 2008 - 04:58 PM

            Wow, I really can feel for what you're going through right now. My FI's sister (also as my bridesmaid) passed away in July and we went back and forth on what to do also. Ours ended up working out due to one of his guys backing out, but you must decide what to do. Not many people understand what's going on with your FI right now and really can't relate. What we're planning on doing is releasing butterflies at our ceremony to represent his sister in memory.

            I'm sorry for your loss - that's a very, very tough situation. It'll all work out!

            #6 Jen_S

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            • 3,737 posts

              Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:00 PM

              I am truly sorry for the loss of your friends. I agree with you that your wedding should not be a memorial. I do like the idea of his brother filling in otherwise I would leave it uneven there are other ways you can have him remembered a picture a note in the program bouquet memorial (possibly have your FI wear it) I would talk to your FI maybe not right now and see how he feels you still have a bit of time. I wish you guys luck and again sorry!!!
              Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

              #7 Maybride2009

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              • 408 posts

                Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:03 PM

                I would also leave the spot open. My party is uneven as well and I think it would be a wonderful little way of saying we miss you.
                So sorry to hear...how terrible.

                #8 Kathie

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                • 2,654 posts

                  Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:06 PM

                  I almost think that having the brother stand in would be worse than replacing him or not having anyone. With all due respect, like you said it should be your day. If it were me I would have some sort of memorial but very low key. Like the other girls said though it should be up to your FI.

                  #9 MsSunshine

                  • Jr. Member
                  • 415 posts

                    Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:14 PM

                    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss I think it should be up to your FI. If he decides to have a groomsman...I think a low key memorial will be great. Maybe have one of the bridesmaid and groomsman walk down and place a flower on the chair. The couple will be there in spirit. Again, my condolences to the family of the couple

                    #10 panther

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                    • 84 posts

                      Posted 03 December 2008 - 05:15 PM

                      Try to think about what your groomsmen would have wanted. Would he have been the type of person who would have wanted you to carry on with your ceremony and celebrate?

                      I agree with leaving the space open in memory of him, but not mourning him. Perhaps acknowledging this absence in your speeches. But also remind yourselves and everyone that he is with you on your day and watching over your celebration.

                      You can be sensitive to the situation but it is a day for celebrating your and your new husbands life together.

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