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nicmicj

His parents may not come!

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Okay, so maybe I am the bad person here ... but let me start with this; I understand why you are upset and have every right to feel that way.

 

If you are upset talk to FI about it and explain why. If he is TRULY okay with it; then its their loss, not yours or FI's.

 

You shouldn't have to convince anyone to come to their child's wedding. If it's a cost issue, health issue or anything legit like that they should be honest, mature people and discuss it with you.

 

This is yours and FI's wedding; have it where you want it and how you want it.

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Wow would they really be that manipulative to say they werent going just to get you guys to change your mind. I would talk to your fi and maybe he can talk to them and let them know it's important they go to their own sons wedding. It's really sad someone would have to tell them that. do you think your fi is really okay with it or just acting okay?

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You should put your foot down! They can drive if they are concerned about the cost of a flight... which are going way down and will probably be around $225 each... big deal! You should have your dream wedding and don't let it get you down. You are lucky that your FI is on board too!

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You're not even leaving the bloody country! Excuse my anger... we were in a similar situation.

 

I honestly think that it doesn't matter what the reason is, unless it's that the timing isn't possible for them. If they just don't want to make the trip, stick to your guns. It's nobody's job to convince them. Screw convincing people to come to your wedding. That's just plain rude and cruel.

 

Make sure you and your FI want to do the wedding there and if that's a yes, then start your plans and book. They will come around. FI's parents did and now they're really excited about it. I think they wanted to set the tone for us. They made us change the date a bit, but not tons. Battle of the wills is totally what it is. People are so mean!

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I agree that it's not your job to convince them to come to your wedding. I completely understand why you feel upset because we're in the same situation. We're obviously both disappointed that they're not coming but in the end we know that the whole experience will be great no matter what. We don't want someone there if they have to be convinced to go. We want people there who want to celebrate our new beginning together!

 

So keep planning your wedding and yes, their decision will have an effect on you but in the end it's their loss. They're the one's who have to say they didn't attend their son's wedding.

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Yeah, my FI's dad and stepmom are most likely not coming... or so we think... they gave us a hard time, and made us feel like it is a financial burden on them (even though they have three cars and one of them is a brand new corvette, and they took his younger siblings on vacation twice in the past few years). I felt bad for him, because I feel like he got the shaft in many ways, but he said it right....

"I don't want to get married the way someone else wants us to, and then look back ten years from now and regret that we never did what we dreamed of doing." Nuff said!!!

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I feel for you completely. My FI's grandmother keeps threatening to not come to our Vegas wedding...though she isn't shy about telling us she hates Vegas, won't go etc... In the end we told her she can choose to go and enjoy a very special day with us or she can stay home and miss out on the whole thing.

 

I know she will be there, she couldn't stand to miss her oldest grandson's wedding, but yeah sometimes it hurts that she seems to miss the whole point of the wedding is our marriage and not a family reunion. Keep your chin up and keep them involved with wedding plans, they will start to get too excited about it to say no.smile03.gif

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I am going to rant a little here.... and I apologize in advance....

 

I completely understand how you feel. We are in the same situation here... except with my parents, not his. My parents are NOT going to my wedding in January.

 

Here's the story:

When we announced our engagement last October, they expressed keen interest in coming. They had a ton of suggestions in terms of the destinations... all of which seemed really pricey or inappropriate (Libya was one of the choices - LOL). We really wanted to go to Mexico (I want to see all the Maya ruins), but they both told us that they would not go if we chose Mexico, period. No discussion, no compromise (my mom was worried about her safety there... and decided she would die if she went there). So, we looked around for other destinations (we wanted something affordable and with a wide range of things to do on and off the resort). So, after a lot of research, we chose Panama - and they seemed really happy about that. We chose a date that they weren't as happy with (they both teach, and it conflicted with their schedules a little). The alternative was picking a week that would cost everyone else an extra $400 though.... and they both have vacation that they can take!

So, with our date and destination chosen, we went ahead with the planning. We sent out our invitations REALLY early (it was around April 200cool.gif 'cause a bunch of friends were hounding us to get an agent, and get things in order so they could book, and my FI didn't want to do STD cards. We booked out trip through the TA, and a few of our close friends did the same thing.

 

Then, we got into a huge blow up with my parents over wedding stuff. Basically they were complaining about the cost, the vacation time, and pretty much whatever else they could think of. Just for background - they are pretty well off, have paid for their home in full, and take several trips each year on their own (one of which is usually to China to see my brother). When I would call to talk to them about the wedding, they would change the topic to something else.... and they never expressed any excitement about the fact that I am getting married. I found out that this is in part because this will be my 2nd wedding. Anyway, in the end, they told us that they weren't going to come to our wedding at all. They told us to change our destination to Mexico, and have a great time without them. wtf.gif

 

I was really upset about it... as was my FI. His fam doesnt really understand their decision, and neither do many of our friends. I still don't understand their decision either, and have told them that it will likely affect our relationship in the future. How could it not? I have tried to talk to them a number of times - to get them to change their minds and come. I've explained how important it is that they are there, I've apologized for everything I can think of.... but they get mad and say that I'm trying to upset them again, and say that I don't respect their decision. My sister has tried to get them to change their minds, but they just get upset at her as well.

 

The deadline for booking with the group has passed. There is only one plane that goes to Panama every week from TO... and it's fully booked the week we're gone. So, they won't be there for sure. In the end, I have come to terms with the fact that they aren't coming, and have come to realize where I stand with them. I have apologized to my FI and his family, and our friends for their behaviour.... We are going to have a wonderful wedding in Panama without them, and it's something that will be their loss.

 

So, I feel for you. sad.gif

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I just wanted to share that I'm going through the same exact thing. My fiance's dad is refusing to come because he "doesn't like to travel". Yup, that's the only reason! It's definitely not financial, because his wife (my fiance's mom) is coming, and it's not personal because my fiance & his dad have a pretty good relationship. I was SO pissed off when I found out; especially since my fiance is his dad's only son, and my fiance looks up to him so much. At first my fiance acted like it was no big deal ("that's just how he is" is what he said), but after some talks (I'm a counselor, what can I say!), he admitted that he was really hurt by this. At first I thought my FFIL was only saying that in an attempt to convince us to get married closer to home, but now I've decided he's just an a** who doesn't want to be "inconvenienced". Regardless, we're sticking with our plan, because ultimately, as long as my fiance is there, and I'm there, that all that really matters. I wish I had some better advice for you, but I'm personally at somewhat at a loss myself.

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I think you are totally justified in being upset. Rest assured - you are not the only one going through it. We have a very similar situation - my mom and dad have told us they aren't coming. And, I don't see them changing their minds (they are quite stubborn, and have convinced themselves that the reasons they provided are adequate, although they basically are not coming 'cause they don't want to travel to an AI).

It's your wedding - it's only going to happen once.... So, do it your way. It'll be their loss if they miss out. Hopefully once you have had time to talk to them, and explain how important it is for you for them to be there, they will change their minds. :)

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