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nicmicj

His parents may not come!

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I just talked to my fiance and he told me that his parents may not come to our wedding and that does not sit well with me. He, on the other hand, does not seem to mind at all. We are having our wedding in Las Vegas and they live in Oklahoma City. I think they told him they may not come in hopes that we would change our minds about having the wedding in Las Vegas and just have it in Dallas, TX which is only a 3 hr drive. My family and friends on the otherhand are very excited about going to Las Vegas for the wedding. Am I wrong to be upset about them coming since they would have the added expense of flying to this destination? Or should I be upset and talk to them about it? Need your advice.

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My in laws try to pull the same thing...I just camplained to hubby. They eventually changed their minds once they figured out I wasn't changing mine. I think its the battle of the wills... Good luck hang in there.

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I think you definitely have the right to be upset. I would probably have your FI talk to them and let them know how important it is for them to be there. Is it about cost or what is their reasoning for not wanting to come? Maybe you could get their flights if the case is the cost aspect.

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I definitely think you're justified in being upset, but I think you should consider their motivation before you act. If you know what their personalities are like and how they will take it (and if they're refusing to come just to be mean), I would say it's worth talking to them about it. If they can't come because of finances or health, or some other aspect outside their control, it might be rather uncomfortable if you confront them. If you want to get married in LV, I say do it, but you might have to accept that they can't afford it or won't make it for other reasons, though I can't conceive of parents missing their son's wedding out of spite.

 

Of course, I have a different perspective on the situation because it's similar to mine. My Mr.'s parents don't speak English (they're Vietnamese) and his father is quite old and in poor health. He's informed me his dad may or may not come, but they have an understanding in their family and he doesn't mind and neither does his dad. I feel guilty over it, but we're doing everything we can to accommodate him and make it easier. Perhaps we're bad children/in-laws? But I've come to realize that the Mr is genuine, and I can't judge his family dynamics - I wouldn't want his dad to come and be miserable the entire time... OK... you can throw stones at me now - the guilt is washing over three-fold!

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Of course you have a right to be hurt and upset. Just don't change your wedding plans for them, remember it is your wedding.

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My FMIL has never flown in her life so she has said several times that she may not come. We have offered to get her a train ticket but it's about a 35 hour trip that way. In the end I hope she sucks it up & gets on a plane but I wouldn't change my plans if she decided not to come.

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I think that you have the right to be hurt. I would however have FI try to talk them into going. You still have time to get them to change their mind. I think you just have to try and sell them the idea, and the reasons why you are doing a DW.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicmicj View Post
I think they told him they may not come in hopes that we would change our minds about having the wedding in Las Vegas
you think, or you know this to be true? if you only think that was their motivation, then you both really need to sit down with them and talk about why they may not come. is it finances, health reasons, fear of travel? do they have something against vegas in general? do they not approve of the marriage? is it because it won't be in a church (or one of their religion)? do they think that vegas weddings aren't "real?" it could really end up being something so trivial and something solved easily with financial help or a quick education, LOL! at any rate, as with most things in life, communication is key.

you could always tell them it's already booked and your family and friends are already booked too, so it can't be changed because you'd lose deposit $$$, etc., but it's really important to you that they are there. some people think that we chose to have a destination wedding because we DIDN'T want them there, or didn't care. maybe they just need some ego-stroking? :)

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