Posted 14 November 2008 - 12:59 AM
I talked to Fi and decided that we DO in fact want a DW. My problem was that my mom wants to help pay a little but said she doesn't want to have to give me money AND pay for her and my dad to come. So I think I'm going to find a way to tell her that I don't want her to help at all if she's going to make me feel guilty about it later. I just want her to be there however we have to make that happen.
I guess I was having doubts because she was trying to make me feel guilty about having everyone (including her) spend money to come and was trying to convince me to have a wedding here because that what SHE wants.
I just realized that she's kind of been doing that with all my ideas. "Well, it's not what I would do, but...." It's super frustrating. I just wish she was supportive no matter what I want.
Posted 14 November 2008 - 02:33 PM
Like several others, we're having a small, cocktail reception a few months after we get back so those that couldn't make it to the destination can see pictures and celebrate with us.
I hope it works out!
Posted 14 November 2008 - 04:06 PM
Posted 19 November 2008 - 02:58 AM
Good luck and hang in there!
Posted 22 November 2008 - 11:01 PM
Posted 22 November 2008 - 11:10 PM
Posted 22 November 2008 - 11:31 PM
Posted 24 November 2008 - 07:55 PM
Posted 25 November 2008 - 08:33 PM
Matt and I have decided to do a DW for sure. I guess it wasn't so much whether or not my family would come, because they WOULD come no matter what, but I know they'll make me feel guilty for it, ya know?
So I talked to my mom and she's on board. We're doing this!
Posted 26 November 2008 - 12:27 AM
My family has made it their number priority to attend. As if the economy was hard enough on all of us, my mother was laid off of her job, and even she's still attending! Its all a matter of prioritizing, and for her and a number of my other family members, they wouldn't miss it for the world. Heck, we're more or less foregoing Christmas gifts in an effort to save money. FI's family, on the other hand, are indirectly complaining about the expense to everyone else. At this point, absolutely no one from his side, his parents included, will be attending.
In an effort to accomodate them, we took it to the point of actually changing the wedding from Cancun, to looking at venues in the Redwoods (about 6-7hours away) and Brookings, Oregon, to then even local spots. After looking at the expenses of rentals, catering, etc... we would end up spending the same amount on a local wedding as we would for our destination wedding, but the DW would include a week long honeymoon at a five star all inclusive resort. Needless to say we've reverted back to Plan A. I'm not okay with trying to accomodate those that don't care enough to try.
They've known for a year what the plan was, and they haven't saved a cent. The only thing they've managed to come up with are more excuses.
(***Biting my tongue from going off on a tyraid)
If you would be happy with a quasi-destination wedding, then go for it. Look at the pros and cons, and do a preliminary planning as if you've made that your new venue (assuming you're far enough out). Set up a spreadsheet in excel and you can do a price comparison. Only you & the FI can conclude what feels right. You should be able to look back on your wedding day with no regrets, and no one should make you feel guilty for wanting that. I'm not saying "go all out, you'll only do this once," but your wedding day is one of the biggies in your life, and no one should prevent you from enjoying it.
If your mom uses the "that's not how I would do it" line with you, remind her that its a good thing she isn't planning your wedding, because she would completely miss the mark on what you want. If she's only going to see you marry once, wouldn't she rather see you with a look of elation on your day?
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