Jump to content

Unbelievable fiasco with SIL


Recommended Posts

This is a tale and a half...I'm hoping to get some validation for my feelings about this brutal situation from you lovely ladies!

 

My FI's brother got engaged last Christmas...at this point me and my FI were not engaged yet...and they mentioned at the time they were thinking about a destination wedding. I told them they should book asap as these things take time to plan and book up fast!

 

My FI and I got engaged in May, after a thoughtful waiting period for brother Dave & Alex to enjoy their 'newly engaged status' without us raining on their parade. So after we got engaged, we waited and waited for them to decide what they were going to do about their wedding, as we thought since they got engaged first, we would be respectful and let them choose their wedding style/date before we did. So here comes September and Alex (sister-in-law-to-be) is all over the board with what she wants to do...she decides she wants a spring wedding (April 2009!!!) and is looking at the Mayan Riviera (my recommendation!). After hemming and hawing, she decides its too much to ask her friends to shell out that kind of money, and too much work for her. So she looks at Victoria BC, then settles on the Okanagan in BC. (Remember, this is 10 months after they got engaged).

 

In early October she emails me telling me she has book June 25th at a resort hotel in the Okanagan, and that she and Dave are set on it now.

 

Great! So my FI and I sit down that week and talk about what we want to do....we had been looking at a few options (local golf course), but my FI says "lets do the destination thing since Dave & Alex aren't". I am totally fine with that...and we decide on the Mayan Riviera as it's both of our fave spots.

 

So I go ahead and book our wedding date at the Azul Sensatori for November 20th, 2009. I tell Alex we have decided on the destination wedding since she and Dave are staying local. That was a month ago. Around the same time we were at a family gathering and we talked about our respective plans with other family members. As far as I knew it was a done deal.

 

So then 4 days ago I get an email from Alex saying she has now changed her mind and wants to do a destination wedding...in the Mayan...in April - this April. I was flabbergasted. What? How could she do this? I emailed her and explained that her making this decision would really affect not just our plans, but it would put finacial stress on the common family...either shell out for 2 weddings both in the Mayan only 7 months apart, or have to choose between the 2 brothers. How fair is that? And my FI wanted Dave to be his best man, but if they go ahead with this they said they wouldn't be able to attend our wedding. and how could we afford to attend theirs when we're saving for ours?

 

I am extremely pissed about this. My FI talked to his brother expressing our concerns (I tried with Alex but she basically said 'I don't care, its what I want', and Dave told my FI that he understands and agrees with us, but he doesn't think he'll be able to change her mind. My FI also told Dave that this is going to cause some long term relationship rifts in the family if she doesn't come to her senses, and he basically just shrugged his shoulders.

 

Is it just me, or do you think this is entirely completely selfish of her to do this? After all the respect and patience we gave them too! We are still awaiting the final word from Dave on what they are going to do, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. Hopefully sooner rather than later as I'm not sleeping well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 20
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

hmm that is such a toughie! a friend of mine went through a very similiar situation - just not destination weddings.

 

are they 100% decided on the destination wedding? maybe she's just jealous of your plans and is wishing she had gone a different route. either way, it's hard. can the 4 of you sit down and talk about how this affects both couples plus all of the common family?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it is totally selfish...but from the sounds of it give her a month or so and she'll want to switch again! Plus I don't think people are going to appreciate her giving them 5 months notice with a major holiday coming up (if they celebrate Christmas!)

 

But I say totally don't change your plans because of her!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with the girls, its sounds like she's definitely jealous of you.. can you talk to you FI's parents and ask them to talk to their son and future daughter inlaw? She needs to understand that she no longer has the option of a DW, she decided local and she should stick to that OR wait a year after your wedding to have her DW...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks ladies...I appreciate the support that I am not totally off my rocker here! My FI and I have discussed this at great length the last few days and he is of the opinion that there is nothing we can do at this point until they tell us what their final decision is. My FI said that his brother is the only one that might be able to change things and knock some sense into her. She is obviously not of a reasonable mind because I tried pointing out all of the issues with this decision but she declined to listen. The guys might consider a sit-down meeting, but I honestly think I'd strangle her if I got close enough.

apparently Dave says she wants a spring wedding, no ifs and or buts. And Dave tred to get her to think about 2010, but she doesn't want to get married when she's 39...what's the difference with 38? Sheesh...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok, I'm going to throw something out there. Have you thought about having both weddings at the same time in Mexico? This way all of the guests, and you will have some common guests, will only have to pay for one trip. They don't necessarily have to be at the same resort, just the same week or overlapping somehow. The only con I see about this would be that it is your day and your wedding and you will have to share the thunder with your FSIL. But, it might be fun! You could definately share some costs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • Hi everyone! I have been doing lots of research on various wedding venues all around Mexico, my fiance wants a destination wedding and I am happy to have a wedding wherever so long as the vibe is right and guests are happy!  I have been seriously looking at Cabo Azul and was trying to find potential costs for them, but only found a page about their wedding costs from 2010. Does anyone have any updated information on costs / reviews they would like to share of this venue? Or advice in general, anything helps. Thanks so much, happy wedding planning to all!
    • Hello everyone, I am dreaming of a wedding in Costa Rica and was wondering if I could get any help with venues and wedding planners. I am thinking Tamarindo because a close friend of mine lives there and I've been in town more than a couple of times, she's being helpful but is at a loss when it comes to this subject really so I was wondering if anyone here had recommendations. I am not closed to other town suggestions either, if I happen to find a good place and staff somewhere else. These are the places I have so far, has anyone had any experience with any of them?  Stay In Tamarindo Luxury Villas in Costa Rica Luxury Villas Pinilla Tropical Homes of Costa Rica The Point Luxury Villa Thank you so much for your help!
    • Have you ever considered having a wedding inside a bubble? With the current global situation, many couples are looking for unique and creative ways to celebrate their special day while keeping their guests safe. A wedding inside a bubble could provide a whimsical and intimate setting for your ceremony and reception. Imagine saying your vows surrounded by a beautiful bubble filled with twinkling lights and flowers, creating a magical atmosphere for you and your loved ones to enjoy.
    • Adult only resort or not? Let's discuss the pros and cons of choosing an adult-only resort for your honeymoon. While some couples may appreciate the peace and quiet that comes with an adults-only environment, others may prefer a more family-friendly atmosphere. What are your thoughts on this? Have you had any experiences at adult-only resorts that you'd like to share? Let's hear your opinions and recommendations!
    • When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the most exciting parts is choosing the perfect wedding favours for your guests. These small tokens of appreciation are a great way to thank your loved ones for being a part of your special day and to make them feel appreciated.
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...