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#21 sunsetbride1

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    Posted 05 November 2008 - 05:49 PM

    You have every right to feel the way that you do!! I completely understand.. My mother didn't come to my first wedding after I bought her dress, plane ticket and hotel room.... it was absolutely heartbreaking even though we weren't that close at the time (and don't even speak now).

    It's always so hard when parents don't act like parents should... so, you have to put yourself first and do what makes you feel better. If you feel better ignoring him and letting him 'stew' - then do it. If you feel better calling him and telling him exactly how hurt you are - then do it.

    Just remember, this is his loss; not yours. He is not participating in one of the most important day's of his only child's life and he will come to regret it (that I can assure you of).

    You, on the other hand, should not have any regrets. You invited him and asked his input while planning even though the two of you are not that close. You will be marrying the man of your dreams surrounded by people that love you and if he is being too selfish to make it; then that is his problem!

    Your wedding day will be perfect with our without him. I know it's easier said that done.. but hang in there!!!

    #22 Hartyt509

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      Posted 05 November 2008 - 05:57 PM

      Personally I'm with your mum I'd tell him to go screw himself and when his wife dies not to come running to you lol Sorry thats a bit harsh but some step parents are just plain evil!!

      #23 YoursTruly

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        Posted 05 November 2008 - 06:05 PM

        Wow-I wish you well with that. It may be worth you having a 1:1 with your dad and expressing your feelings of hurt and see how things go from there. Hopefully you can meet middle way with alternatives for the AHR. Oh wow--family !!!

        #24 BachataBride

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          Posted 05 November 2008 - 06:24 PM

          Originally Posted by lizzie287
          I guess what I'm looking for is validation for my feelings. We aren't really close, but it's not like either of us has "disowned" the other or anything like that.
          Our family situations are very similar - my dad and I don't hate each other, but we are not close either. I am his only daughter & surprisingly he did not hesitate when I told him FI and I were planning a destination wedding! I was speaking with him the other evening (one of our 3 or 4 yearly phone calls!) and he's actually excited (he's never been outside of Canada).
          I am so sorry you are going through this - it sucks! I can't believe he emailed you!!!! He probably felt too shitty picking up the phone & telling you in person - that's what happens to most people when they know they are wrong! I am thinking that the Step-M had a lot to do with the turn of events. But what is with taking a cruise in October (hirricane season)!! Pretty sure I would rather be on land than a boat if there was a hurricane!! Some people are just impossible.
          I say tell him what a jerk he is being & hopefully he will wise up - if not, then he's not worth the stress this is causing you!!

          (Sorry if this is a repeat of what anyone else has said, but I didn't get a chance to read everyones post)

          #25 cdc0427

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            Posted 12 November 2008 - 12:51 AM

            I'm so sorry about your father. I completely understand how you feel.

            #26 Ana


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            Posted 12 November 2008 - 09:19 AM

            That's terrible!!! I'm so sorry! I think your approach sounds the best in this case. My FI had a similar incident happen with his father as well some people just don't get it.

            #27 Maybride2009

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              Posted 12 November 2008 - 10:58 AM

              I do not know what it is about weddings that bring out this nastyness in people, but it is horrible...My MIL just "doesn't get it" either and i finally had to do something BIG to get her attention and let her know that it wasn't ok...I didn't attend thanksgiving...it was a really big deal and she got the message...however..if I did attend she would have thougth I was upset but it was no big deal...so if your father has anything similar to my MIL's not getting....like it just doesn't make sense to them...then I totally agree with your mom.
              There is no reason you need to respond to him...I am so sorry that you have to go through this...its tough...I try to remind myself that as long as my FI is there then that is all that matters.

              #28 M9w3h6

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                Posted 13 November 2008 - 02:23 PM

                I agree with you and understand that you are very hurt I think that you should take your mothers advise and not even respond to him at all, furthermore if you discuss your feeling with your father you are not going to get the answer that you want he will dance around everything and some how make it about hisself. Takling from experience. I know that you do not have a good relationship with him but what girl does not want their father to be at the wedding even if they are not walking you down. Just try to save yourself more pain dont bother by saying anything else about your wedding unless he ask. Good luck

                #29 hollym

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                  Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:09 PM

                  You poor thing. The last thing you need when you're so excited about your wedding is for your father to basically tell you that he doesn't care.
                  I think you're doing the right thing.
                  Even though I have a relatively good relationship with my mom, she's kind of selfish too. She is already making me feel guilty about a DW. I actually started a thread about it.
                  I say don't even talk to him about it. He obviously knows or expects you to be upset. If you did have a big long discussion/negotiation/fight about it and he did come around and decide to go, he'll probably make you feel guilty about it during the trip and for the rest of your life. Making you feel guilty about paying for college is a good indication that making people feel guilty is what he does. Trust me, I know how it is.

                  Just go and have a good time with the people that really care and love you the most.

                  #30 Kristy!


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                    Posted 13 November 2008 - 03:30 PM

                    What a jerk. I'd tell him not to worry about being able to make it to the AHR because he's not invited.

                    My FFIL just passed away a month and a half ago and I know he would've given anything to see his son get married in St. Lucia. Life is so short and people can't even make time for their familes. That's so ridiculous! It hurts FI and me everyday that he won't be there to celebrate with us.

                    If your dad doesn't want to be there, then screw him. Focus on those who are actually going to return your love for them.

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