Heartbroken!

[rach220]

Lizzie, you have every right to be hurt! I agree to let him stew in his own poor decision...he will absolutely regret it when he realizes what an a$$ he is being. It doesn't matter whether you are close or not, you are his only daughter and he should be there for support, if not for anything else...this is not at all supportive!

 

I might understand if it was a money issue or something, but he vacations often enough where he should be able to make the effort. The fact that he is already declining your at home reception really concerns me! It is a year away...how can he say he's unavailable?

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this...the DR is beautiful and you will have a wonderful time. I know it's difficult, but don't let him ruin your dream wedding...

Keep us posted on how it all turns out...

[lizzie287]

Thanks for your input ladies, I'm shocked at how quick I got responses!

 

There was a question as to whether it would make me feel better to confront him about it .. honestly, no. I've confronted him about several things over the years, all of which involved his wife coming before me, and I've never won the argument. So really, at this point, I'm thinking this takes the cake and I think I'm finally ready to admit to myself what I've known all along - my father never wanted kids and just did what he felt forced to do. Now that I'm an adult, he feels his role as Dad has been completed. I really noticed this once I finished school - he paid my tuition and gave me grief over it constantly for the full 4 years. Once I was done, the emails stopped and all of a sudden it takes a month to get a very quick reply. It feels terrible knowing that anything is more important than his daughter, and frankly I feel like he's being very selfish. If he didn't want kids, he should have said so BEFORE he and my mom divorced, so now I feel like he made his bed, he can lay in it, he's just not man enough to do it.

 

The biggest thing that goes through my head is thank Christ my daughter has a great father, and I'm so glad the old adage that women look for husbands like their father is the furthest from the truth in my case.

 

To all of you ladies in similar situations, I feel for you as well and hope everything works out in your cases. For me, I know no amount of crying will bring my father to my wedding.

[Taradactyle]

Oh no!! I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this!! No matter how close you are or aren't, you're still his daughter. Also on a basic human level, it's insensitive and hurtful. I hope things work out but just know that we're on your side!!

[EricaG]

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It doesn't really matter if you are close or not, it would still hurt! I think that you should take your mom's advice and not respond so that he can think about his choice a bit more. With these DW's you never know what is going to happen. Sometimes people decide at the last minute to come, and others back out. I hope everything works out for you, but either way, just remember that this is yours and your FI day....no one elses!!!!

[adias.angel]

I feel so bad for you!! Just remember all that really matters is that you are marrying the one you love. As long as you both are there it would be hard for your day not to be perfect no matter if your dad comes or not. Carla

[Kathie]

I'm so sorry. Your father sounds like a very selfish man to put a vacation before his only child's wedding. I agree with your mom about not responding. What a jerk!

[JulieG]

I am so sorry to hear about your father. Do know that we all had problems with someone we love not being able to make it to the wedding for one reason or another. Your wedding will be perfect, your mother who was your true parent all your life will be there and can walk you down the aisle (my mom walked me) and you will not even notice he is not there, you will just be so happy to celebrate with the ones who are.

 

He is missing out big time and he will regret it one day. Do what makes you happy and do not listen to or worry about the people who are selfish and thinking about themselves instead of you on your wedding day.

[lizzie287]

Aw thanks again ladies. It's so validating reading these posts. I was worried somehow I was being selfish in thinking that, you know, if it were MY daughter, I'd can one of the cruises and go to her wedding ... but that's just me ... lol ...

 

Luckily, you're right, my mom can, and WILL, walk me down the aisle. That's actually the second thing she said (after shrieking vulgarities lol), is screw him, I'll walk you down the aisle.

[cincin]

Hi Lizzie,

 

I definitely feel for you because your situation is hard. I agree with you though on not calling or pushing the situation anymore. It's very sad, but as people get older, it's hard to change their mind. Enjoy your wedding and have the time of your life!! It's his lost if he doesn't want to be there. My husband and I went through the same thing with our destination wedding. No one from his family came. They kept saying they were trying to go. Let me add they had over a year to save and get on a payment plan for the trip. But then my husband and I talked about it and we are okay with them not coming. All my family came and we had a wonderful time and everyone enjoyed everyone's company. You will be fine and you will have a wonderful wedding!!

[roo66]

Oh my gosh i think i would have to speak to him.Along he lines of i know we dont have the best relationship however i really thought you would WANT to see me getting married and for a person that enjoyed vacations you thought hed be the one person who could see the benefit of a wedding /vacation/honeymoon all in the same place.Tell him you didnt have any ideas of him walking you down the aisle just him being there,and why cant he be there for the reception at home.I know for sure my children will have the same issues with there dad when the time comes.xxx