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If you can't make the wedding, at least do something to show you care

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#21 RoryS

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    Posted 29 October 2008 - 11:32 AM

    Let's face it, we've all been let down by people we care about in this life. That's just human nature, unfortunately. The people on this board are great because they're all going through the same thing that you are. Social events, unfortunately, often bring out the worst in people. There is alot of jealousy especially from your girlfriends. Some people just can't get over their own feelings - for whatever reason. Maybe they can't stand seeing you so happy, maybe they're not in a good relationship, have a job they hate, don't have alot of friends, don't get along with their family, having money issues - whatever - when their lives are going badly they can't suck it up and be happy for someone else. Families also have issues that could go back to an event that may have happened years ago and they haven't gotten past it.
    I've learned that I can't expect people to do the same things I would do. If you expect nothing and get something, it'll be a pleasant surprise.

    #22 Mrs. Martin

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      Posted 29 October 2008 - 03:25 PM

      I'm so happy I found this thread! I know exactly how you all feel because I'm going through the same problem and my so-called "friends" want to meet up today and I don't know what to do!

      The issue I'm having is that I have two sets of friends, and one of the sets is the single, party-all-the-time group that never involved themselves in my wedding festivities. Most of them stopped talking to me when I even announced my engagement! Like most of you all, they didn't RSVP or even call me when they received the invitation. I had friend's of my hubby that I had only met a few times call to tell me how much they loved my invitation, but nothing from my friends!

      During the time of by bach party planning, apperently they all backed out from the Vegas trip because my other set of "real" friends were taking over...WTF? One of my friends didn't want to tell me at the time, but I guess the other "friends" were getting bothered at the fact that my "real" friends were making most of the decisions about the festivities. Knowing how my "friends" are, they wouldn't have been able to plan crap if it weren't for my "real" friends that paid for everything, planned it perfectly, and made sure I had an amazing time! During this planning process, none of my "friends" acknowledged my bach party and until a week before we left to Vegas I didn't even know they weren't attending. None of the "friends" that didn't attend ever mention the bach when I got back. One of them did tell me she couldn't go because of $$ issues, but funny that since then she has gone to Vegas over 6 times with the rest of those girls, they took a San Francsico trip, and some of the girls even went to Cabo a few weeks before my wedding! Must be tough to have no $ yet travel all the time!?!

      So, to the nice thing they were going to do to make up for the fact they weren't attending the wedding, they planned a dinner for me a few days before I left to cancun. To tell you the truth, I knew deep down inside it was more out of pity and they pretty much confirmed it that night. Not that I was expecting it to be like a shower or anything, but none of them gave me gifts (and still haven't), no one bothered to pick me up (I had to drive on my own even though they live not too far from me), I had to pay my bill, and only four girls showed up out of 10.
      I sent them wedding pics when I got back, only 3 replied but still haven't even called me!

      Anyway, today one of my "friend's" is here from out-of-town and the rest of the girls want to meet up for dinner tonight. I really don't want to go because I'm really hurt by them. I'm the first to be married from that side of the "friend's" so maybe it's jealousy, but I don't want to think that because I thought they cared about me and all they have done is turned their backs on me during the most important time of my life. I keep thinking it's maybe because I'm in such a different place in my life compared to them, but that's still not reason enough for them to do all this to me.

      I'm so confused, I don't know what to do...

      #23 DanielleNDerek

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        Posted 29 October 2008 - 04:15 PM

        honestly if i were you i wouldnt go. they should at least congratulate you and the fact only 4 people showed up for your dinner is just awful, and they didnt even treat you. so it wasnt even like a celebration thing, it's like they felt they had to do something so they did as little as they could.
        ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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        #24 BachataBride

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          Posted 30 October 2008 - 08:12 AM

          Yeah...I don't think I;d go either. Or show up late, throw a couple of digs in & then leave early!
          I don't have the time for people like that!! Grrrrr...

          #25 Hartyt509

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            Posted 30 October 2008 - 10:01 AM

            I wouldn't go either - and when they ask just say sorry i'm busy and leave it at that. Sod them if they want to play that game let them.

            I've got groups of friends that are the same and now I just stay clear I don't trust myself not to get into a punch up lol

            One of my really good friends asked me to her wedding party (and I mean we were really close!) but not her wedding. I wasn't bothered not keen on them anyway but the party happened to be the night of another friend's wedding that I'd already said I'd go to lol I told her look i'm sorry she got in first and she is gothic and I think me turning up dressed like that to your wedding party would go down like a fart in a lift - she agreed but still didn't speak to me for a while lol I sent her a card and tried in vain!! for 3 months to drop off her present but she was either not in or going out. In the end I said look either let me know when I can drop off this present or it's staying here and if it's here 2 long it will get broke lol She eventually turned up!!

            Upshot is people are weird and get in these stupid little clicks that always fall to rat shit. If you are going to feel uncomfortable then don't go i've done that so many times I've lost count. That same friend has a group she hangs around with, some are nice some are evil, about 6 years ago I had a verbal bashing off her sister in law. Now unlike me I didn't react just smiled and said i'm never going out with them again and I haven't.

            You can do it xx

            #26 Mrs. Martin

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              Posted 30 October 2008 - 02:11 PM

              To update you all- I didn't go. I didn't want to be there feeling uncomfortable and not really speaking to anyone. I don't really have much to say to them right now, so why even go?!

              As for the future, I think they've proved to me that they just don't care for me that much and I'm ok with that. I'm sad, but why would I want friends that aren't there for me through out the ups and downs of my life.

              Thanks girls for the input!

              #27 cougs


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                Posted 30 October 2008 - 07:42 PM

                good for you! you have people in your life who love you, and frankly that means there's no time for those who don't!

                #28 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 30 October 2008 - 07:48 PM

                  Good for you - screw them is what i say x

                  #29 stacey


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                    Posted 30 October 2008 - 07:57 PM

                    DH and I had a HUGE fight on our honeymoon about throughing an AHR for his family and freinds that couldnt make it. I was really upset because we had already agreed to not do this and spend the money. Long story short I won the arguement. But why would I want to spend a bunch of money to throw a party for people that couldnt even bother to call or send a congrats card. F*@$ that. If I wanted to throw a party like that for people that didnt care we would have got married at home. Instead we had a perfect wedding with the family and freinds that were in it for the long haul and not just the free cake.
                    Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

                    #30 SunBride

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                      Posted 30 October 2008 - 09:41 PM

                      Originally Posted by Maura
                      i hear you all. we are no longer friends with a lot of our "friends" because they didnt even acknowledge our wedding. like not even responding to our RSVP, not calling me back when i left them a voicemail or email saying "hey i'm sure you've just been busy but i just wanted to confirm you arent coming since you didnt send the RSVP back" - we even emailed a few of them to get together after our wedding to show photos and stuff, and they didnt even return our messages. my own grandmother did not acknowledge my wedding at all - no call, no card, no gift, not before & not afterwards either. she was angry at me for having a DW and for other stupid reasons that dont warrant the way she behaved. my MOTHER, who i have not spoken to since november 2007, also did not acknowledge our wedding day, and did not come. my sister did not come to the wedding and has not spoken to me since she backed out of being my MOH back in May; she also did not acknowledge my wedding day with a call, email or card, let alone a gift.
                      Wow, that is really bad. I really can't complain overall because our good friends felt really bad about not coming, and they all made an effort to come to the AHR and my girlfriends did a lot of work to help, and all our extended relatives made it out to celebrate. overall our families were great compared to most of the stories I hear on here. But yeah, it just bugs me a bit that none of the people who didn't come didn't do anything to show the presence in spirit.

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