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Moving in with Future Husband


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Jonathan and I have been together for 2 years and neither of us have lived with the opposite sex before. I am moving into his place the 1st weekend in May, a month before the wedding. Just a little nervous about the whole thing. Just need to hear how others have experienced living with the opposite sex.

 

Kerri

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I have been pretty lucky so far. I have lived with my fiancé for about a year and half now and things are going petty good. I think you need to establish your needs and wants in the beginning and let him know what YOU need. Also with cleaning we kind of divided up the rooms as to who cleans what. Usually if the other person is super busy then of course we help each other out. As long as you express yourself I think you should be fine.

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My FI is sort of lazy, maybe lazy isn't the right word. He works in construction so he works really hard, physically all day, and when he gets home he just wants to relax and I can't blame him, but I can't do everything either. If I give him a list or ask him to do something, no problem, he takes care of it. But its very unusual for him to take initiative and do something he wouldn't normally do. I do thinks its important to talk about chores and stuff up front and make sure you both help out. Like FI takes care of washing laundry on sundays, I have to fold & put away, & he does a lot with the dogs (picking up poop, hahaha) but I have to do the majority of cleaning and the dishes, yuck!

 

One thing I can't stand is when he either doesn't lift the toilet seat and pees on it, or he does lift it and doesn't put it down again, whats so hard about aiming!

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I highly recomend living with a guy before marriage becasue true colours come out. You must have a talk about cleaning. How many womendo you know have their biggest complaint about their men is they don't clean up. My FI and I talked about it and it never has been a big issue becasue he already knows how I feel about it.

The one issue I had was I needed things my way. When you live on your own you get used to a certain way, and of course the first guy I lived with didn't do anything my way and it drove me crazy until I realized that there is more then one way to do things. And not to sweat the small stuff. I think this may have been more about control with me, I needed to feel in control.

Now that I am with my FI (we have been living together for 4 years) I don't feel the need to control everything. Good luck.

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I completely agree with Angelica! My FI and I have been living together for 1.5 years and it has really worked well because we talked through a lot of 'living together' subjects. It's a hard adjustment to make and having the conversations beforehand make the rough spots easier.

 

For example, cleaning/housework is a major thing. I'm lucky because I have a guy that doesn't mind cleaning. Granted, he's not going to just jump in and do something because he sees it needs done (most guys aren't like that). But if I ask him to clean the bathroom, he will (including the toilet, which totally blows me away!!!). Housework is probably a major subject to contend with and decide who is going to do which tasks. We split chores pretty evenly. I cook and he cleans up afterward. I clean living area/kitchen and 1 bedroom, he does bathroom and bedroom. I wash laundry and he folds it.

 

Another subject is money and being able to determine how to merge your accounts and budget, as well as who is responsible for paying the bills, investments, etc... When we first sat down to talk about it, the first thing FI said was that he pays his bills, he just has a hard time remembering to get the payments sent out in time. Well, that's about all it took for us to decide I'd be in charge of the money.

 

I think the hardest thing for me was simply the adjustment to having someone else in my living space--- finding dirty socks on the sofa in the morning, or magazines scattered all over the place and papers just laying around. It drives me crazy, but I just ask him to put things away and he does. It's kind of like living with another teenager--- I can tell my daughter to put her CD's away and the CD's will wind up sitting on the floor in front of the CD tower.... She gets close to do what she should, but not quite all the way there yet... :)

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Karen and I have been together for over 2 years and we just moved in together a month ago. So far it has been great. We did do some talking about our expectations, responsibilities and such before we made the move. And we always talk about things instead of letting any issues build up and become resentments. Plus it helps us to save more money for the wedding as well.

 

Our biggest hurdle is integrating my dog with her two cats. It is going to take some time, but even then I am sure they will end up loving eachother.

 

I say we are doing pretty damn good if our biggest issue is how our pets are getting along.

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