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The Five Love Languages book


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#1 rodent

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    Posted 13 October 2008 - 07:33 PM

    Has anyone else read this? My copy came in from Amazon today & i started to read it.

    It is about how people express & feel love differently. So if your mate feels love with "words of affection" and you express your love to them with "physical touch" they may not feel loved.

    The 5 languages are
    1. word of affirmation
    2. quality time
    3. receiving gifts
    4. acts of service
    5. physical touch


    I think my love language is Acts of Service. I'm still unsure, but when I think about the things I love about Mike, I usually think about the kind things he does for me. But, maybe it's because that is how he expresses his love. It's probably my love language, but I'm still trying to figure that out.

    I know mine is defintily not Receiving Gifts. When we first started dating he'd give me lots of gifts & it really upset me. but, it's interesting to me that for some people, that is what makes them feel loved. Maybe that is why I'm a lousy gift giver, because I feel love through Acts of Service. So instead of gifts I like to do something for someone.

    I haven't figured out Mike's love language yet. I know he feels loved if I bake him brownies. Maybe his is Gifts of Chocolate.





    The five love languages, as set forth by Dr. Chapman, are as follows:

    Words of Affirmation
    Positive verbal reinforcement. If this is your love language, you feel wonderful when someone gives you a genuine compliment. You may feel insecure without encouragement or regular expressions of approval. You feel loved when your partner expresses appreciation for the small things you do.

    Quality Time
    Periods where you have complete attention. If quality time is your primary love language, you feel neglected without time spent specifically focused on each other, or doing something together that you love to do. You enjoy sharing things you love with others, and feel special when someone else includes you in something they are passionate about.

    Receiving Gifts
    Physical or visual symbols of affection. If receiving gifts makes you feel loved, that does not mean you are superficial. Some people simply respond to tangible illustrations of the love in a relationship. Different from being a "gold digger," someone who speaks this love language appreciates thoughtful, personal gifts, not necessarily dependent on price. A home-made card or tiny trinket can speak volumes, if well-chosen and suited to the recipient.

    Acts of Service
    Doing things for a loved one. If this is your dominant love language, you feel loved when someone goes out of their way to make things more pleasant or smooth for you. Examples include: doing chores, cooking dinner, taking care of something that would normally be your responsibility, chipping in without being asked. Most people can relate to this love language, though in very different ways, and it is extremely important to practice this love language out of genuine feeling, rather than duty, to avoid resentment.

    Physical Touch
    Bodily contact between people. Not restricted to sexual intercourse or intimacy, this love language encompasses all kinds of touch, from hugs to kisses to cuddling. Physical contact can be its own form of communication. If this is your love language, you need your partner to recognize what kinds of touch are pleasant and which are irritating, and focus on increasing the former and reducing the latter.


    #2 syl1115

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      Posted 13 October 2008 - 07:38 PM

      Wow that sounds like such an interesting book. I am not the touchy feely type of person and I don't usually use words to express my thoughts or feelings. I guess I am somewhat like you Morgan, expressing my love through acts of service. I enjoy doing things for people if I can. It's very strange, my two sisters are the same way. I wonder where it comes from? My mother was very verbal and touchy feely.
      Sylvia

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      #3 DLyteful

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        Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:13 PM

        Wow Morgan, this book does sound really interesting. I might go out and get it. I know without a doubt my honey expresses his love through Acts of Service. I cant tell if my are Quality Time or Physical Touch.... thanks for sharing Morgan.

        #4 LadyP

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          Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:22 PM

          I heard about this book and was considering getting it just so I could see what type of lover I am.

          #5 rodent

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            Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:37 PM

            the book gives tips on figuring out your language. There is a quiz in the back. They also suggest to think about what really upsets you. Like if you get very upset when your mate doesn't help around the house, then your language might be acts of service.

            It also said it's harder to figure out when you have felt so loved for several years or haven't felt loved. I found it easier to think about bad relationships & what was missing for me to not feel loved. It usually comes down to acts of service.

            The day I told mike i loved him, i felt so loved because he had carried this huge box of tshirts for me to campus. It was a really huge & heavy box and it was raining. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to have someone help me. It felt better than anything someone could have said to me or given me.

            #6 Banana11

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              Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:45 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by Morgan
              the book gives tips on figuring out your language. There is a quiz in the back. They also suggest to think about what really upsets you. Like if you get very upset when your mate doesn't help around the house, then your language might be acts of service.

              It also said it's harder to figure out when you have felt so loved for several years or haven't felt loved. I found it easier to think about bad relationships & what was missing for me to not feel loved. It usually comes down to acts of service.

              The day I told mike i loved him, i felt so loved because he had carried this huge box of tshirts for me to campus. It was a really huge & heavy box and it was raining. I remember thinking how wonderful it was to have someone help me. It felt better than anything someone could have said to me or given me.

              That's such a sweet story Morgan! FI and I were driving to my house one day and he kept saying "I really really like you!" I knew we were falling in love and it was the greatest feeling! I would say that I am Words of Affirmation and he is Physical Touch. After reading through this a lot of things in our relationship seem clearer. Sometimes when I randomly lay down next to him to cuddle he just melts. I'm not much of a cuddler and I think this is his way of feeling my love. Very interesting!

              #7 syl1115

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                Posted 13 October 2008 - 08:47 PM

                I have to agree with you Morgan. I am a "do it myself" type of woman and when I decided to strip, sand and stain my deck before my daughter's graduation party last year, Rob said he would help me and he worked on power washing that stupid deck in the rain for 6 hours. That meant more to me than anything else he could have said or done. He was soaked to the bone!
                Sylvia

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                #8 JUSTUSTWO

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                  Posted 13 October 2008 - 09:28 PM

                  This sounds very interesting. I may be a combination of Quality time, Acts of Service and a little Physical touch. Chris is definitely Acts of Service. One of the things I absolutely love about him is the fact that he does sooo many things for me, even things he doesn't like to do, without 1 complaint.
                  I think I'm definitely going to pick up a copy tomorrow! I see they even have a "men's edition". Thanks Morgan.

                  #9 JoLo908

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                    Posted 13 October 2008 - 11:16 PM

                    I actually received this book from the woman I babysit for when Hank and I got engaged. She and her husband, had both been divorced, said that they thought this book was so valuable to anyone getting ready to get married. She made me promise to read it before our wedding day which I will ( I am in college, all I do is read). They give it as a gift to any of their friends that are getting married. For them to feel so strongly about it, and they are great people, it must be a great book.

                    #10 KLC77

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                      Posted 13 October 2008 - 11:20 PM

                      I have read this book. It is so true that people value different things and feel loved or appreciated in different ways. It really helped me to see how FI and I were different and helped me realize that what he needed was not the same as what I needed. I would definitely recommend couples reading this!

                      I am acts of service/ quality time and FI is sooo physical touch.
                      ~Kelly

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