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Legal Ceremony...guilt from parents


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My FI and I decided to get married in a legal ceremony at the court house before we got married in Cancun. From day one my father has been very vocal that he is against it. He believes that the ceremony has to be done by a priest and there is no other option. I told him that when we get married in Cancun it will be in front of a priest and God will be included through out the entire ceremony. The legal ceremony is really only paperwork in our eyes. I mean yes we are going to be happy were "married" but we are going to feel actually married on November 1st in front of God and our family and friends. But, still he completely disapproves of us getting married "legally" in a court house. My father can be a little bit on the controlling side....His way or the high way...and really makes you feel guilty if you don't go his way.

 

Well, he is currently out of town and today I told him that my FI and I are going to the courthouse tomorrow to do the "legal" ceremony. I wasn't sure if I should just do it or if I should tell him...I figured it was better to tell him because I didn't want to hurt him when he finds out I did it without telling him. His reaction wasn't the greatest. He told me he disapproves and that I am disrespecting him. I countered that I think I am respecting him by telling him and not doing it behind his back. Either way I can't win, I never can. So now I feel good for sticking up to him, but at the same time....I feel the guilt from him. I hate that he can do that to me. Why do we need our parents approval so bad? I say I don't, but then I feel bad when I let them down. Either way our wedding in Cancun is in two weeks. I'm sure he will get over it.

 

Have any of your parents given you a hard time about getting married in a court house??

 

Thanks for listening!

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My niece and her fiance are having a legal wedding before their May, 2009 wedding in PA. Her family is extremely upset with her that they are not going to have a religious ceremony in Mexico. My sister is quite upset about it, but it is the bride & groom's choice. The reason she decided to go with a legal ceremony and then just the "vow renewal" was to save some costs. Also, she didn't like the idea of having a blood test done in Mexico, which I understand is all done very hygienically and everything, but that's how she feels.

Maybe if you just explain to your Dad that it will be less hassle for you to do the ceremony in the courthouse before going to your destination. I"m not sure if the religious aspect is important to you and your FI,(but if it is) tell your Dad that the ceremony also means alot to you and your FI and that even though the legal ceremony counts; it won't really mean as much unless it's performed before God and your family. I think it's important to let others know that their feelings and beliefs matter too and that you want your Dad to be happy for you in your decision, just as you want to take his feelings into consideration. Life is a 2-way street...

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Oh, I know how you feel! About 2 years ago, I was getting the same guilt thing from my parents (about career stuff) and something in me snapped. From that point on, I realized I can't do things to please them.

 

That was one of my biggest life lessons - I can't make anyone else happy - everyone gets to decide for themselves how they feel. That allowed me to let go of all the guilt/pain/regret. It also taught me to be more easygoing. Since I'm in charge of my emotions, I dont want to spend my time being upset, so I choose not to.

 

Congrats for standing your ground! That takes a lot of courage. And I agree with you - God will be included because you include Him!

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Can you explain to your father that the catholic ceremony in Mexico isn't (and I don't think can be) a legal ceremony? And in order for you to be legally married, you need to do the courthouse thing? Just a thought for you to try looking into.

 

Good luck. I know it's not an easy thing to go through.

 

Jennifer

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We are having exactly the same issue! We thought we would be nice and invite our parents to the courthouse bc my mom gave me a guilt trip about not being at our "real" wedding, even though I explained that wr would not see it that way, so than when we told her the date, she kind of blew us off and said she would make it if she could, but not to wait on her. i was confued by the reaction, and she just couldn't understand why we would have all these people spend money to go to PC when we weren't "really" getting married there. To save us all headaches, we just told her we decided to get married "for real" in PC, and we are not letting ANYONE know otherwise to save on hurt feelings. My only conern is, is the rov ceremony really the same as the legal ceremony? And did any guests raise any questions, and if asked, what did you say? My main concern is the wedding party, did anyone have their MOH or BM ask why they didn't have to sign any papers as the witnesses? Sorry FI and i are getting really paranoid!!

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I'm going to have a legal wedding before my DW, but before I told her this, my mom suggested that I get married at city hall so that I won't have to pay for the blood test. She's always the frugal one! Oh, and she also suggested that I elope when I was a little girl.

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i know how you feel! you will feel bad either way because you'll feel horrible for keeping the legal wedding from your dad and you'll feel just as bad for going through it despite his plea not to.

 

my suggestion is to be frank honest with what you decide and back your reason up. either way it's your decision.

 

my fiance and i are having a catholic ceremony in Cancun next April but we are getting maried legally in the US before we leave for Cancun. It's very important for us to get married in a catholic ceremony in cancun and getting married legally first is their requirement.

 

we are not telling our family. if they do find out about it, we are ready to back our behind up. we are simply doing the legal ceremony n order to have the catholic ceremony in mexico.

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