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Getting Rid of a Pet Advice??

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#21 Bisha

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    Posted 13 October 2008 - 05:09 PM

    I couldnt really think of anything else to add since I agree with everything the girls have said up until now but, then I realized something.

    For people who dont have or like pets, it's very difficult to undertand that your pet is your child! I think culture may be a part of it but, not all of it. I had a situation where my husband referred to our dog as his daughter (which we always do as I'm sure do all other pet parents:) and got a dirty look and a speech from his brother, a new human father (who actually is an animal lover!) on how pets are not children! Well, to my amazement, my husband let him have it!!!! He's usually the diplomat and I'm the one to say exactly what I'm thinking but, he sure did me proud that time.

    I think sometimes, you just need to explain to people how much your pet actually means to you. It may be a foreign concept to the other person.
    I dito on the statements that you need a very serious sit down with FI to explain just how important your kitty is to you and if he still doesn't get it or at least respect it then .............. it's your call!

    Good luck and keep us posted!

    #22 Katiebelle

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      Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:03 PM

      While I agree with what everyone has said I also mainly agree with the culture thing. I also think that while many people didn't grow up with animals they have no clue how important they are. I didn't till I had my dog and thought people were nuts! It may be he just doesn't understand this! This has to be very difficult for you! Keep us posted!

      #23 SBlake

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        Posted 13 October 2008 - 06:32 PM

        I think you need to really talk with your FI and give him time to really think about it. My FI got a dog together and then recently adopted my parents dog when they were no longer able to care for her. He was not excited AT ALL about taking on a second dog. But he got over it and loves her now. Just stress how important it is to you and he should understand. If he doesn't, stick to your guns and don't let him control you. If you let him now, think of how the rest of your life will be!

        #24 Emily&Matt

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          Posted 15 October 2008 - 10:50 AM

          As far as the cultural thing goes as an excuse for not wanting your kitty in the house, I think that's a cop-out. Marriage takes all kinds of give & take and he isn't willing to give. Sounds pretty immature and self-centered to me.

          The bottom line of all this is, your kitty is so extremely important to you, you can't imagine having to give her away. And worse yet, the reason is just because he doesn't want her. He isn't willing to compromise or put your feelings ahead of his. If you gave her away, how much resentment & bitterness towards him would you have to deal with? What if you gave her away and then you broke up with him later (because you can see it coming) and then you couldn't even get your kitty back?

          I think he is trying to see how much control he has over you and how far he can push you. What will he force you to do next? I see this as a huge red flag. Better to have seen this side of his character now, rather than later. If it were me, I would cut my losses and move on.

          Also, if you have solid, good parents, they have more life experience with more types of people just from being older. I think you should respect your mother's opinion and listen to her advice. She makes a very valid point about your future children.

          It takes a basic kindness and compassion to care about animals and to care about YOU and your feelings, if he doesn't have it, then what kind of daddy would he be?

          (I have to put in here that my mother has rescued & spayed & neutered dozens of abandoned cats & kittens – lots that people bring to her - and she finds homes for them. She has 5 kittens in her garage right, 3 outside feral cats she is feeding and taming and 9 of her own she has adopted…..so we are cat lovers here!)

          #25 sunset78

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            Posted 15 October 2008 - 01:08 PM

            I'm a HUGE animal lover. FI was not thrill of the idea of having having more than one pet, and swore he'd never let me have a dog... well, 2 cats and 2 dogs later, we are all one big happy family.

            But your FI does sound quite controlling. How did he act when you first started dating... he knew you had a cat then... Why would he date someone that loves animals when he doesn't... so now that you are getting married he thinks he can say what stays and goes whether you like or not Uh-Uh... I don't think so. What does he do if you want him to get rid of something he adores or values so much?? He doesn't hurt the cat? Animals will hide from abusers or become aggressive sometimes... the animals personality will change if an abuser is around.

            And if is the way he handles a little kitty.... how will he handle kids if they do soemthing he doesn't like... yell and scream at them too?

            I don't know... but IMHO how people treat animals does say a lot about that person.

            I would never give up my pets for someone. I know lots of people that have pets and their spouse is allgeric, they take meds so their partner can have the pets in their lives.

            Also if anyone ever laid a hand on my pets, I would have them charged... wouldn't care who they were.

            #26 Hartyt509

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              Posted 16 October 2008 - 08:59 AM

              Originally Posted by Emily&Matt
              What if you gave her away and then you broke up with him later (because you can see it coming) and then you couldn't even get your kitty back?

              I have to agree with this same thing happened with my cousin. He started seeing this girl then dumped her (total looney!!) anyway she gets him a husky puppy!! so he then gets its brother because he can't bear the thought of them being apart, by this time they were about 6 months old.

              So they get back together, she gets pregnant (I slapped him hard!!) all happy then she finds out she is having a girl (just what she wanted) and tells him get rid of the dogs or they won't be together. I warned him not to do it and said i'd castrate him if he did lol So he said this is my baby and got rid of the dogs. Then guess what 3 weeks yes 3 weeks!! later she chucks him and has made his life hell ever since.

              He learned his lesson the hardway he lost his pups, his son was heartbroken and still asks where they are and he still isn't with that cow and only sees his little girl when she lets him.

              DO NOT GET RID OF THE CAT lol

              #27 FutureMrsLewis

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                Posted 18 October 2008 - 07:05 PM

                I would never be able to get rid of either of my two cats. My oldest is nine years old, and I can't even think about how she's going to pass away someday, because it makes me cry just thinking about it.

                I know it probably hurts to have so many people tell you to ditch FI, I just have to agree with them, because if he can treat your "furry" children like this, how will he treat your actual children? He may be a perfect father, but if he's not willing to give a kitty a little slack, your kids are going to HATE their father.

                #28 bakerisacat

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                  Posted 21 October 2008 - 04:14 AM

                  I worked at one of the SPCAs in Alberta, Canada for years. Not only was it amazingly hard physical work, but the emotional toll was scary (especially now that I look back, I never realized what I was becoming).

                  I really have zero respect for people who toss away their pets (not all, some have valid reasons, and their hearts were always broken, that was hard too) as well as people who force others to give up their pets.

                  If your FI can't see how important your kitty is, what is he going to do with anything your find important? I don't just mean things, but what about a hobby you have/might have? Do you have to get rid of it because he doesn't like it? I scrapbook and my FI usually is furious with me when I come home from the scrapbook store, knowing how much I spent on 'paper'. But he knows that is something that makes me happy and is a part of my life. Thats all thats needed.

                  Mine didn't want my cats in the beginning. He would moan and bitch about litter boxes and that, but guess what? They are his children now. How can your FI yell at your cat for not following HIS rules?! She/He is a cat, they aren't going to change over night for a new person (or any person, YOU taught the kitty the rules!) !!!

                  I'm sorry to say this, but I would personally be very concerned about what he will be like with children if a CAT gets him this worked up. A 3 year old is not going to care what anyone has to say if he/she is having a tantrum... is he/she going to have to hide in the basement as well?

                  I'm sorry, reading this over, I know I seem like I am ranting, but there are too many pets that need homes in this world, without FIs coming in and demanding something be done.

                  I hope you both can work this out, if not, I would be keeping kitty and not FI. It is so true that you can see a person's true colors in the way they treat animals. Good luck!

                  #29 Jacqueline

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                    Posted 23 October 2008 - 11:49 AM

                    First of all, sorry you're in this f'ed up situation. I have so much going through my mind right now but am going to refrain from some of it b/c I could go on and on about this topic. I will say though that I def do NOT think you should "get rid" of your cat. I know all circumstances are different, but I'm still not sure how people can do that, as if it's an old piece of clothing. That is why there is such a huge problem with strays and unnecessary euthanasia. I know you dont want to do it. I know you would try to find it a home rather a shelter but all the cat knows is you and how sad and confused would she be if you gave her away. Please- do not give her away.

                    Also the bigger issue to me is the way your FI sounds. I dont know him, only from what you say here, but you can tell a lot about a person with how they treat animals, but even better on how they treat the people they're supposed to care about. Him not taking your (his soon to be WIFE) feelings into consideration, shows a hell of a lot about him imo. And it's not just about agreeing on a paint color for the walls, its about an animal, its about your feelings, its about becoming "one" and living your life together taking in everything about each other. KWIM, that might have sounded gay but I think you get my drift. And the locking in basement upsets me too, I would like to lock him in the basement. Sounds like he never had a pet to understand their companionship, and that's fine but he shouldn't try to make you do something you don't want too.

                    It is a sin how many animals are given up and wind up in shelters, and ultimately die scared and alone. It makes me so sad. When me and Joe talked about moving in together, he told me he was a "dog person" and didn't really want the cats. Ya know what I said? "They're mine, they're staying so love me or leave me." lol Well, they are here and Joe LOVES them now. He didn't realize the personality cats have.

                    If anything try again and tell him you are sad about this- THAT should be your answer on what type of person he really is. Lots of luck. Sorry if I seemed out of line, but this topic is a touchy one with me.

                    #30 boscobel

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                      Posted 23 October 2008 - 12:15 PM

                      MonoAmor - so it's been almost 2 weeks since your originally posting and the one after that where you still have some questions. Have you and your FI discussed it at greater length? I hope all is well with you.

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