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MonoAmor

Getting Rid of a Pet Advice??

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I know it's hard to accept people telling you you should dump your fiancé. I mean he's not just your boyfriend anymore, you actually have plans made to get married!

 

I would suggest going to couple therapy to discuss this. This is a serious issue and should be dealt with as such. The way he dealing with this is not acceptable (i.e. treating your cat badly and using this situation as a type of bribe)

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Yes Sunbride made a good point with what she said!!! As easy as it is for us to suggest leaving him, obviously we dont want you to do that b/c we know you love him and you would be devastated. We def dont want that for you at all. There are def ways to compromise and work through this together as a couple. He could very well be a nice person, I'm sure he is. As you mentioned, his culture is why he is the way he is toward pets, and I guess that is all he knows so it isnt his fault. But what would be his fault is if he didnt take your feelings seriously. KWIM?

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Quote:
Originally Posted by carly View Post
MonoAmor - so it's been almost 2 weeks since your originally posting and the one after that where you still have some questions. Have you and your FI discussed it at greater length? I hope all is well with you.
Yah we have had a really LOOONG talk about all of this. At first he still didnt understand, but we have come to an agreement that I will be keeping her no matter what. I explained to him that I thought his behaviour was disguisting to me and I shared a couple of things you ladies said. I really think it sunk it a little. Despite this, he really is a good guy and he is wonderful with his neices so I know he will be a good dad. He just needs to open his eyes to accept animals. I have his word that he will show more respect towards her and my feelings about it. I really do trust him so I believe he is going to try. He has already stopped yelling at her and will just shoo her away gently if shes too close to him. I know its not fair to him to have me shove her down her throat, it needs to be his own decision to change his behavior. I know they will probably never be best buddies, but he has promised to treat her kindly.

Honestly, this situation was so hard for me. I think it had been the biggest problem that he and I have ever had, so I really do appreciate everyones concern and suggestions on here. Now I can focus back onto the wedding and getting Luna (my kitty) set up for while we are gone.

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Oh good, that makes me so happy for you. Cuz I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to get rid of your cat. I am glad that you two spoke and he took you seriously. I have to ask though, that cat won't be locked in the basement for the rest of it's life, right? Cuz that's also not the best solution. It's a HUGE step in the right direction though that you have discused this with him and have a better understanding of how each of you feels.flypig.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoAmor View Post
Yah we have had a really LOOONG talk about all of this. At first he still didnt understand, but we have come to an agreement that I will be keeping her no matter what. I explained to him that I thought his behaviour was disguisting to me and I shared a couple of things you ladies said. I really think it sunk it a little. Despite this, he really is a good guy and he is wonderful with his neices so I know he will be a good dad. He just needs to open his eyes to accept animals. I have his word that he will show more respect towards her and my feelings about it. I really do trust him so I believe he is going to try. He has already stopped yelling at her and will just shoo her away gently if shes too close to him. I know its not fair to him to have me shove her down her throat, it needs to be his own decision to change his behavior. I know they will probably never be best buddies, but he has promised to treat her kindly.

 

Honestly, this situation was so hard for me. I think it had been the biggest problem that he and I have ever had, so I really do appreciate everyones concern and suggestions on here. Now I can focus back onto the wedding and getting Luna (my kitty) set up for while we are gone.

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Originally Posted by MonoAmor View Post
Yah we have had a really LOOONG talk about all of this. At first he still didnt understand, but we have come to an agreement that I will be keeping her no matter what. I explained to him that I thought his behaviour was disguisting to me and I shared a couple of things you ladies said. I really think it sunk it a little. Despite this, he really is a good guy and he is wonderful with his neices so I know he will be a good dad. He just needs to open his eyes to accept animals. I have his word that he will show more respect towards her and my feelings about it. I really do trust him so I believe he is going to try. He has already stopped yelling at her and will just shoo her away gently if shes too close to him. I know its not fair to him to have me shove her down her throat, it needs to be his own decision to change his behavior. I know they will probably never be best buddies, but he has promised to treat her kindly.

Honestly, this situation was so hard for me. I think it had been the biggest problem that he and I have ever had, so I really do appreciate everyones concern and suggestions on here. Now I can focus back onto the wedding and getting Luna (my kitty) set up for while we are gone.

Wonderful news! Nobody said that he had to love the cat, but just be respectful of it, and of your feelings towards it. And at the same time I think you can be respectful of his feelings too, like not having the cat sleep with you, not have the cat on you while cuddling him on the couch (they each get their turn seperately), things like that.

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Originally Posted by carly View Post
Oh good, that makes me so happy for you. Cuz I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to get rid of your cat. I am glad that you two spoke and he took you seriously. I have to ask though, that cat won't be locked in the basement for the rest of it's life, right? Cuz that's also not the best solution. It's a HUGE step in the right direction though that you have discused this with him and have a better understanding of how each of you feels.flypig.gif
Dont worry, she was never locked in the basement and never will be. She was just always down there because he would scare her away. When he is at work she comes up and I play with her and she cuddles with me while I do my work. The rest of the time she hangs out in her condo downstairs, but she seems content with that and so does he. I kinda wanna get a puppy to keep her company more, but Im not sure I wanna open that can of beans!!!

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I'm glad you talked to him and he seems to be accepting her now. And you never know he may end up loving the cat. We took in a stray and my dad didnt want any parts of her. He would just ignore her. Well about 3 months later he was telling her how she's the most beautiful cat in the world while he was microwaving her food. lol Maybe that'll be your fi

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Baby steps, baby steps. I think you should let the growing understanding between you, FI and Luna continue the progression before entering another personality (puppy) into the mix.

 

I remember too that you said some of the reasons why he felt the way he did about the cat was cultural, would he have the same reservations about a dog? Do you mind if I ask what culture he is from?

 

However, if he likes dogs, then you an ignore what I said above. But I am really super glad that you guys talked and are more on the same page now. Also glad that Luna wasn't "locked" in the basement, so much as enjoying her alone time. Shiiiiiit, if my basement was nicer, you might catch me down there catching up on alone time myself!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoAmor View Post
Dont worry, she was never locked in the basement and never will be. She was just always down there because he would scare her away. When he is at work she comes up and I play with her and she cuddles with me while I do my work. The rest of the time she hangs out in her condo downstairs, but she seems content with that and so does he. I kinda wanna get a puppy to keep her company more, but Im not sure I wanna open that can of beans!!!

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