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My FI said he doesn't want to get married....and our wedding is in less than 3 months

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#11 dainanewell

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  • 203 posts

    Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:28 PM

    thanks...yeah we've been dating since I was 14 and he was 15....I think I will leave tonight....I'm hoping I will get some answers soon...thanks so much Ladies

    #12 Michelle

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    • 302 posts

      Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:31 PM

      as easy as it is for the rest of us to say try be strong and im sure you will get an answer for all of this soon :)

      #13 katken

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      • 268 posts

        Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:33 PM

        I'm so sorry for you. You must be so confused. I think the most important thing is for you to take care of yourself. I think it's good if you get some time to evaluate what you want and what your expectations are. Best wishes to you. I hope it all works out.

        #14 meagan

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        • 133 posts

          Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:38 PM

          I am so sorry you have to go through this. I agree with everyone, he is probably just stressed. Although, it isnt an excuse for him to do this to you....or your kids.

          He better start talking soon! Good luck. Remember we are all here for you.

          #15 MikkiStreak

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            Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:44 PM

            It's weird that all of this is coming up right now - after he's lost his job, and 10 years of being together (and 2 kids), with the wedding only 3 months away. The fact that he seems to just want to "drop" this news on you, but not actually talk about it, seems as if he really can't deal with what he just told you.

            I agree, take the kids and go away for a few days. Give him time to process & digest. My guess is that somewhere inside, is the little "man voice" that says if he can't provide for you, he shouldn't be moving forward. (No matter how much men evolve, they always have this little voice inside them that mostly "hides" during everyday life. And a job loss usually stirs this voice up.)

            If he seems to be backing off communication, then I'd say take it slow... no matter how hard it is, try to get him talking about things that might be less "emotional"... like maybe look at his news from the perspective of: "well, we need to talk about how we're going to cancel the wedding"... maybe it would be easier for him to begin talking when the subject is more 'matter of fact', and could then ease into what really needs to be discussed.

            I'm sorry you're going through this... and I hope it works out the best way for everyone involved....

            #16 *Casey*

            • Sr. Member
            • 5,209 posts

              Posted 21 September 2008 - 01:45 PM

              I can't believe this! I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this right now. I would just say to give him some space and time. I think he will eventually come around and want to talk it over with you. The more you force him to talk the less likely he will be inclined to. Just let him get through whatever is holding him back. Stay strong.

              #17 Hartyt509

              • Sr. Member
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                Posted 21 September 2008 - 02:13 PM

                You do need to talk but I have to say I wouldn't be the one leaving. I'd be saying ok if thats what you want leave i need somewhere safe for the kids and boot his ass out until he comes to his senses.

                This kind of happened with my last marriage and I stupidly left when I wish I hadn't. If he wants to bail make him go then it'll hit him right between the eyes otherwise he's going to be saying yeah she'll be back.

                It'll work out but stay strong you have to show you aren't giving up without a fight xx

                #18 Kelly C

                Kelly C
                • Sr. Member
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                  Posted 21 September 2008 - 02:25 PM

                  I wouldn't leave either. I would say "I will be here when you come to your senses."
                  Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


                  #19 *Casey*

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 5,209 posts

                    Posted 21 September 2008 - 02:28 PM

                    I agree. If he's the one that wants out, then he should be the one to hit the road.

                    #20 JaimeLynne

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                    • 4,791 posts

                      Posted 21 September 2008 - 02:57 PM

                      Oh geez, I'm so sorry. I definitely think he needs time away to deal with what's really going on. Guys are different from us. We want to talk, and they don't wanna talk until they're almost at the very bottom, KWIM? I definitely think some time apart is in order. Either way - let him have the chance to miss you and to be left alone with his own thoughts, give him a chance to realize what life without you and the kids would be like...

                      ~ Jaime & Martin ~
                      "Rain or Swine! 2-0-0-9"

                      We had 24 people attend our wedding in Las Caletas, Mexico on May 24th, 2009!

                      We all stayed at The Marriott in P.V., and Honeymooned at The Royal Plantation in Ochos Rios, Jamaica!

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