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dainanewell

My FI said he doesn't want to get married....and our wedding is in less than 3 months

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I am very sorry to hear this is happening to you. Hopefully tomorrow you will have a fresh view of what the hell is happening. I know my husbands business failed right before we got married so he was terrified about money so we moved it local. Stay strong and do what feels right!

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I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Glad to read that he has talked some with you. He needs to be doing more of it.

 

Speaking from personal experience, losing your job puts you through an emotional ringer and you become a huge a-hole to the people around you for no good reason. Let's hope this is the case. Have you tried helping him with his job search and asking him what he needs from you to work thorugh this as a family? I know once I got job searching and found a new job, I had a whole heck of alot of apologizing to do to my FI for the nasty stuff I said when I was so depressed over being jobless and terrified of losing our home.

 

If by chance this is not a result of the job loss, a bit of advice along with what some of the other ladies said, have him leave the house. Not to be negative, just realistic, if you leave and he decides to change the locks, what then? You and your kids are stuck out on the street. It happened a few weeks ago to my sister, who is in the process of ending a bad marriage. She first had him leave, he came back a few days later, started in on her again to the point she couldn't take it anymore, then she and the kids left to stay with my parents for a few days while he was supposedly moving out. When she came back, all her stuff was outside and the locks changed. She now has to wait for the courts to decide who gets the house and custody even though the kids are with her.

 

Be wise about all this, he can't leave you in limbo and I pray that he is just going through a bad time because of his job loss and this is going to work out for you.

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First, let me just say that I am SO, SO sorry you're going through this right now.

 

I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but you need to sit down with FI and really talk to him - make him tell you what's going on in his head. Ask the kinds of questions to get him to really talk to you - the sorts of questions where you don't give him possible answers but actually probe into his thoughts and feelings.

 

I'm hoping (so very much) that it's a panicky-cold-feet-lost-my-job reaction, and that it will pass.

 

But, in the interim, you DON'T leave. If someone has to go it's him. And frankly, until he gets this straightened out, I'd also have him sleep on the couch/guest room. It's no fair to you to have him tell you he doesn't want to marry you and then come join you in bed. That's just too much of an emotional roller coaster.

 

Stay strong, and let us know how we can help!

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I think it's a really good sign that he doesn't want you to tell your parents yet. It's like he's saying that he's not totally and absolutely sure about what his heart really wants. I really think that he'll come around with time and be more willing to talk to you about how he really feels. Just be loving towards him and stay strong. My thoughts are with you!

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Sorry your going through this. It sounds like he's going through a rough time right now and maybe depressed. But he should talk to you about it. That's not fair to you for him to say he doesnt want to get married but offer no explanation as of why. Have you thought about going to couples counseling? I heard it's really helpful.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. Glad to hear that you got to talk a little. Did he come back so you guys could finish the conversation? I agree with the other ladies, you definitely shouldn't be the one to leave. He should make other arrangments if he needs any time to think or be alone. Hopefully you guys are able to talk and you get some answers.

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