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Parents names on invite


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#1 MikkiStreak

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    Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:03 AM

    My parents are retired and elderly (dad is 85, mom is 73). They both have had failing health and aren't able to attend our wedding. Well, they have paid for all the weddings of my siblings, but those also happened when they were younger and weren't living off their social security and savings account.

    So last night I was talking to my dad and he said they would give us $1000 toward wedding expenses. I told him it wasn't necessary because we had always planned on paying for the wedding ourselves. But I also know how stubborn and prideful he is, so if he remembers and hands us a check, I probably won't refuse it.

    My question is this, I know tradition says that whomever pays for the wedding has their name on the invites. His contribution is about 1/5 of what the wedding is going to cost. So I'm trying to figure out if I should include their names on the invite or not. The prideful part of me doesn't want people to think my parent's are paying for the wedding, because we really are paying for the majority of it. And then there's his mom---- who's monthly income from social security and pension isn't enough to pay her expenses (which is why his sister lives with her and takes care of her), so they aren't able to contribute at all. Which is fine, but I also don't people to think if they see my parents names on the invite and not his parents, that my folks are paying for everything and his aren't.

    What would you do?

    #2 *JillD*

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      Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:11 AM

      If my parents give us any money, which I don't know if they are, it will only be a small portion and since we are paying for the majority of it, I'm not putting there names. Especially because I wouldn't put just one parents names and FI's parents are probably not even coming and have not even attempted to contribute, so no way will I be putting there name on the invitation.

      I think its nice of your dad to give you something, but I don't think you have to put there names, and I don't think its right to only list one set of parents and not the other.

      #3 TammyB

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        Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:16 AM

        Well, I think if they give you money you should at least someone mention their names on the invites. They can't help that they are retired and on limited income, and they are doing what they can. I'm sure the rest of the family knows that they aren't paying for it all. Now if they loaded and only gave you 1k then I'd say hell no, don't put their name on the invite. But in this case they are doing what they can.

        #4 TATrisha

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        Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:20 AM

        I agree with Tammy. I think it's an incredibly sweet gesture of them to give up that much money when they have barely anything. I also think that it might hurt their feelings if you don't put them on the invite. Not that you did anything wrong, but I think it will hurt them to know that they couldn't contribute as much to your wedding as they had to your siblings. Again, not that it's your fault, so I don't think they'll be upset with you as much as with themselves.

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        #5 LCBride2007

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          Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:20 AM

          honestly, i wanted to mention our parents on our invite, and we're not getting a dime from any of them. we don't mention names, but here's what ours says ...


          Because you have shared in our lives

          with your friendship and love, we

          Ann Kathleen XXXXX
          and
          Paul Michael XXXXX

          together with our parents
          invite you to share the beginning of our new life together when



          We wanted to include them just because they were and are a big part of our lives - it wasn't about who paid for what. But that's just us!


          #6 Christine

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          Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:21 AM

          you could always just say together with our parents or the families of _______ invite you...

          I don't think you have to include your parents. My parents are paying for the whole thing so I am including them on my invite, but honestly if I wanted to not include their names I don't think they would have cared.
          Christine + Will (married 7/20/07) + Ainsleigh (born 6/25/08) + Nolan (born 11/9/10) + Delaney (born 12/31/13) = One Very Happy Family!

          #7 MelissaH

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            Posted 16 March 2007 - 10:07 AM

            we had the exact same wording as ann just suggested...it worked well for us because my parents are contributing a lot to the wedding and FILs aren't contributing a red cent, but we didn't want to leave anyone out

            #8 LisaG

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              Posted 16 March 2007 - 10:40 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by akh

              Because you have shared in our lives

              with your friendship and love, we

              Ann Kathleen XXXXX
              and
              Paul Michael XXXXX

              together with our parents
              invite you to share the beginning of our new life together when



              We wanted to include them just because they were and are a big part of our lives - it wasn't about who paid for what. But that's just us!
              Oh Ann I like that!! We aren't getting $$ from our parents either, but I would like to mention them somehow...

              #9 LCBride2007

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                Posted 16 March 2007 - 10:53 AM

                i can't remember where i "borrowed" it from, but it's certainly not my original creativity! i think i merged a few invites i saw to come up with that - it works for us. we're paying for this all on our own - not an ounce of help (financially or otherwise!) from anyone. but screw tradition (that's why we're having a DW, right? lol) - i wanted to let our parents know that this day is for them too.

                #10 LisaG

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                  Posted 16 March 2007 - 11:06 AM

                  I totally agree - tradition went right out the window when we decided to go to the beach!

                  If you don't mind me asking (because I'm not really creative) what does the rest of your invite say? I have my wording, but now I'm 2nd guessing it...




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