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Legal "Ceremony" or Just to Sign Papers...


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#1 KatyKo

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    Posted 18 September 2008 - 11:10 AM

    Hello Ladies...so I am having a conflict (with myself and with FI).

    We have decided to get the legal marriage done before we head to Punta Cana, that is not an issue...the issue is how to do it. Only one set of our grandparents are actually going to get to go to our DW...so I thought it would be nice to invite all the Grandparents to witness the legal marriage in Charlotte.

    In my head, I was thinking it could be a very casual, short ceremony, maybe in a park or something where we are legally married and then go to brunch/lunch/dinner with everyone, so it could be special for them. FI wants to just go to the court house and sign the papers.

    He is trying so hard to see it how I see it, but he doesn't want anything to take away from our DW. He says he thinks it will be weird to "get married" twice in a couple of weeks. I think it is very sweet how he feels, but I'm not sure what to do. I can totally see how he feels, and just signing the papers would be just fine with me...but I guess I was just trying to have something for our granparents to take part in...and watching us sign papers through a window just doesn't seem that special

    Any ideas or suggestions?

    #2 Bianca

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      Posted 18 September 2008 - 11:15 AM

      I feel like your FI. I do not want my legal "ceremony" to take away from my DW, but my parents feel differently. I have no idea what we are going to do, so I'm not much help.
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      #3 Maura

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      Posted 18 September 2008 - 11:52 AM

      we had a legal ceremony with both sets of parents there. it did not take away from our DW at all. in fact, it didnt even feel real until the DW. we sort of looked at it as the rehearsal for the DW. you can compromise with your FI a little and just do a super short ceremony, but he should compromise with you also and do it somewhere where your grandparents can go since they wont be at your DW.

      #4 adias.angel

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        Posted 18 September 2008 - 12:27 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Bianca
        I feel like your FI. I do not want my legal "ceremony" to take away from my DW, but my parents feel differently. I have no idea what we are going to do, so I'm not much help.
        I second that. We are not going to do a ceremony for the legal stuff.

        Are you having a party when you get home? Since we are only inviting like 5%-10% of our family to the DW we are having a blessing and AHR for everyone when we get home....

        #5 bumbles

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          Posted 18 September 2008 - 12:57 PM

          For me, the legal part of the marriage is just paperwork and doesn't mean a whole lot. However, I can see where you are coming from in wanting to share a part of your marriage w/ your grandparents who can't come. It sounds like you plan on keeping it small and casual, so it wouldn't take away from the actual wedding. If you want to have a small get together, maybe you can frame it as *added special memory* of having those grandparents present. Like, "my grandparents couldn't make it to the dw but having them there made what would be a mundane signing of legal documents a special event." The thing is that one of my grandmothers died two years ago. She never had the chance to meet with my FI and I never got to share the excitement of getting engaged with with her. I will miss her dearly on my wedding day. So, if I were in the same situation, I would def take advantage of having the grandparents around. It might mean a lot to them that you've made special plans for them to be part of this happy time :)

          #6 KatyKo

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            Posted 18 September 2008 - 02:07 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by adias.angel
            I second that. We are not going to do a ceremony for the legal stuff.

            Are you having a party when you get home? Since we are only inviting like 5%-10% of our family to the DW we are having a blessing and AHR for everyone when we get home....
            I am having an AHR, but I was just hoping to have something special for just the grandparents...our families are both very close and they would feel very special if they got to see us "really" get married. I guess maybe we could just do a nice meal after the signing of the papers. Hopefully I will come up with a brilliant compromise :) I mean I do still have 9 months (or a little less) to figure it out!!

            Thanks everyone :)

            #7 DallasAshli

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              Posted 18 September 2008 - 02:13 PM

              I like your idea - do it your FI's way and sign the papers at the courthouse and then that evening have a celebration dinner with just your grandparents or just a few people. Even if you don't think it's your "special day", they might and if so, they would feel honored that you had dinner with them that day. And it won't take away from your "real" wedding!

              #8 Bianca

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                Posted 18 September 2008 - 02:18 PM

                If I do something for the legal ceremony... then its going to end up that everyone going to the DW will be at the legal ceremony... My parents, FIs mom, FIs aunt(who is like a mom), my bro and sis, my uncle who is important to me... it just starts getting bigger than I want it. Everyone wants to be a part of it...
                19 adults/3 children with flights booked! 10 rooms booked!
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                #9 sofylina

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                  Posted 18 September 2008 - 06:00 PM

                  We are going through that also...
                  I initialy did not want to have a legal ceremony at home, just do it at the destination. But we are finding out that the legalities can be tricky and now we are stuck!
                  His parents are from out of town, so they wouldn't be able to make it, but mine would...so is it unfair?
                  Aye
                  I hate that it's OUR wedding, but we are trying to please EVERYONE else.
                  grrrrrr!!!!
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                  #10 kate.com

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                    Posted 18 September 2008 - 06:26 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by adias.angel
                    I second that. We are not going to do a ceremony for the legal stuff.

                    Are you having a party when you get home? Since we are only inviting like 5%-10% of our family to the DW we are having a blessing and AHR for everyone when we get home....
                    how are you going to do a "blessing?" That is a great idea!




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