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Proper etiquette when someone thinks they are in wedding...but aren't


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#11 jajajaja

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    Posted 11 September 2008 - 06:47 PM

    I think you got good advice about the dress situation.

    BUT I do want to ask if you want to maintain her as a friend or if you are just willing to let it go? If you take a moment to evaluate if you want her around and decide she's too important to let go, talk to her. Let her know how you feel. She might be a person that has a hard time dealing with difficult stuff so she's avoiding and hoping you don't notice. Obviously you do notice. Make her aware of that. It's hard to make good friends the older we get. :)

    I'm glad to hear your FI is doing better. I know it's probably really tough to keep the smile and remain positive. Use the forum as a release. It works wonders.
    Happily married since 2008

    #12 S2BLennon

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      Posted 11 September 2008 - 07:58 PM

      I think that you need to approach the issue of being hurt by her not being there for you during your tough time recently prior to even talking about the wedding. She needs to know how you feel - and not assume that it is obvious. That is not fair for you and even if she ends up being in your wedding she would end up having the same nonchallant attitude during the planning and events as she is now if she knows that she can get away with it.

      Maybe she feels really bad for you and just feels awkward and doesn't know how to approach the issues or what to say to comfort and help you. So instead she ignores it and uses time as a distance so that things blow over and go back to normal.. I am sure she loves you - if she didn't she would have never called to ask you a random question about the wedding.

      I say talk to her about your feelings and then approach the wedding.

      #13 reevesbride

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        Posted 11 September 2008 - 09:00 PM

        This is such and uncomfortable spot to be in trust me I was there a few months ago. What ended up happening is we discuss why I was upset with her because the reality is keeping her out of the wedding for me was just retailiation for her distent behavior. If this is your best friend I think it might be best if you just reach out and talk to her about your feelings regarding your FI and her lack of support and then discuss your decison as a result. Maybe she has been just uncomfortable with the whole situation or didnt know how to handle it. I turns out my friend was just feeling some resentment about the engagment and she apologized. And has really gotten much better since. Maybe after you talk to her about your feelings about the entire situation you too with have a change of heart. Its just something to think about.

        #14 411Bride

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          Posted 15 September 2008 - 09:53 AM

          I don't understand why everyone beats around the bush??

          SHE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND! TELL HER SHE'S BEING A SC*MB*G!! HELLOOO??!!! I would never in a million years beat around the bush about my best friend not being there for me if my man was diagnosed with cancer or if I was getting married. To tell you the truth I was a bad friend when my best friend was getting married last year. WHen she got engaged I was in a rocky relationship that I wanted desperately to work and I just treated her like crap... until she told me WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING??!! We're best friends and we don't treat eachother like this!! So, of course, I re-evaluated the situation and agreed to go try on dresses with her and make the next two years of my life filled with planning my best friend's wedding (not what I WANTED to do, but that which was my duty as a friend for 15 years).

          Best friends should be able to talk to eachother. Why is everyone so afraid to say something?

          Tell her she's a jerk and she's not there for you and until she is, she can forget about being part of your wedding.

          Take that!

          (No MORE Ms. Nice Girl!!)

          #15 foxytv

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            Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:09 AM

            So upsetting to read about this. I think just about all of us have been disappointed by a friend during the wedding planning process -- but you have enough other things to concentrate and don't need to deal with those who don't want to be there for you during trying times.

            I say do whatever feels right to YOU and don't worry about etiquette or sparing her feelings. Yours are obviously hurt already - and I don't blame you a bit.

            Blessings to you and FI.

            #16 Sah

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              Posted 15 September 2008 - 10:54 AM

              I think I would just say you can wear any color except purple bc that's what color my bridesmaids are wearing and of course white that's reserved for me :) If you can pull off saying it in a kind of an airy conversation way. And make the joke at the end. I really hope your fiance has a fast recovery. Its great that your able to be so strong for him. Best of luck!

              #17 BecBennett

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                Posted 19 September 2008 - 09:48 AM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by Sah
                I think I would just say you can wear any color except purple bc that's what color my bridesmaids are wearing and of course white that's reserved for me :) If you can pull off saying it in a kind of an airy conversation way. And make the joke at the end. I really hope your fiance has a fast recovery. Its great that your able to be so strong for him. Best of luck!
                That's exactly what I would do. I know some people have suggested being direct with your friend, which is probably the best or right thing to do, but this is what I'd do, mainly because a confrontation with a friend - regardless of how close you've been recently - isn't always the best thing heading up to my wedding.

                #18 trini bride

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                  Posted 01 October 2008 - 04:43 PM

                  I think that you need to speak openly and honestly with her because if you don't it will continue to eat you up and distract you from planning and enjoying your own wedding. Just my 2 cents.




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