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When you ask someone to participate in your ceremony.....


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#1 S2BLennon

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    Posted 05 September 2008 - 11:13 PM

    ......And they say "I have to think about it"........

    I have been holding this in for weeks.

    We are having no wedding party. I am having my bro as my Man of honor, FI is having his bro as BM... For siblings that only leaves my FSIL.... We wanted to make it special for our immediate family to be the only "participants" for the ceremony....

    So we asked FSIL if she would do us the honor of reading the sand ceremony at our ceremony in PC... Instead of the response we thought would be a no-brainer... She said that she had to think about it! When asked why, she said that she had to get over the drama and shananagans that went on at BM's wedding 2 years ago. (IT was a mess) But I am not her, and it was long enough where anyone should have been over it.
    Not only that - but she is blood....

    So Fi didn't get upset, just told her to call when she made a decision. He was clearly upset though.

    As it is, she is not "allowing" her 2 boys, which are FI's only nephews to attend the wedding...Because it is not Holy..

    Since we have been engaged it has been a question of weather we are getting married in a catholic church or not. Everyone else has accepted the fact that we are getting married on the beach. Even our parents.. But older sister will not. So she will not let her boys witness an unholy matrimony.

    And now she may not want to participate! She is the one that hates drama and she is the only one creating it for me!

    Who is she to tell us what we should and shouldn't do! And how can she cast that stone? I know she has a perfect life in a prfect house in a perfect neighborhood... But someday reality is going to hit.

    I feel like if she says that she will not participate there is really no reason for her to come to the wedding. She is not taking her family, and I feel like those actions are her not accepting me into the family.

    Yet when I talk to her on the phone she is so nice to me and acts as if she is happy for us. But it crosses with her morals. I don't get it and i am so upset.

    What should I do?

    #2 stacey

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      Posted 05 September 2008 - 11:21 PM

      Well if it were me I would tell her to take her hollyness and shove it where the sun doesnt shine. But then again Im not in a particularly good mood.

      It is a shame that she is unwilling to look past her particular beliefs to participate in the happiness of others. I think that at this time it is pretty hard on you that she doesnt want to participate. But in the end I think it is best to not have someone read something so special to you who doesnt believe in the union that you are making, that just so happens to be on a beach and not a church.
      Stacey & Ely 10.14.2008

      #3 A10CalGal

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        Posted 06 September 2008 - 12:43 AM

        Yuck! I definitely think you should just forget it with her. If she comes to the wedding, AWESOME! If not, WHATEVER! I wouldn't push her involvement since she is already thrusting her judgement on you. You don't need that noise.

        I totally respect your motivation to ask for her involvement...I just think you need to listen to what she's telling you & not try to change it. I think it would invite drama, and you don't need it!

        #4 Yari

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          Posted 06 September 2008 - 12:46 AM

          Sorry, but she sounds quite unHoly. WTF?

          #5 tvt

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            Posted 06 September 2008 - 12:58 AM

            i feel your pain on this one! FIs parents are the same way.

            i say just let it go. the more you think about it the more it's going to bother you, and honestly i bet she's one of those people that will change her opinion.

            so i agree with christa, 100%!!

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Christa
            Yuck! I definitely think you should just forget it with her. If she comes to the wedding, AWESOME! If not, WHATEVER! I wouldn't push her involvement since she is already thrusting her judgement on you. You don't need that noise.

            I totally respect your motivation to ask for her involvement...I just think you need to listen to what she's telling you & not try to change it. I think it would invite drama, and you don't need it!


            #6 KLC77

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              Posted 06 September 2008 - 01:27 AM

              I think you did the right thing by asking her, but if she says no you just have to accept it and let it go. I know FI will be disappointed, but you probably don't want someone participating in your wedding that isn't truly thrilled and honored to be doing it. Then if she shows up, she shows up. It sucks, but sometimes our families are the ones who cause us the most stress and hurt.
              ~Kelly

              Our Awesome Wedding Pics: http://www.delsolpho...ings/kelly&ron/

              #7 starchild

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                Posted 06 September 2008 - 02:33 AM

                I would say nevermind, even if she thinks about it and comes back saying she will do it. What are you supposed to do, sit around hoping she'll grace your wedding with her participation? Bleh. She's entitled to feel that way but it stinks that you are feeling stressed when you should be feeling supported. You don't need the bs!

                #8 NotYourAverageDW

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                  Posted 06 September 2008 - 03:39 AM

                  Oh dear. Nevermind is correct. I honestly would find someone else or move on. She seems to have the holy grail stuck up her arse! She's just trying to bully you and make a statement...except all that anyone is hearing is I'm a holier than thou sycophant who needs to dominate and control everything around me, and because I can't and because I need to maintain my superiority complex I will make sure you bow down to my every whim!". For crying out loud this her brother's wedding....she can't put aside her ideologies for one day and truly be there in joy with you both? If she can't...why is she coming?! Sorry for the rant...(it's been one of those weeks)

                  Ugggh...Is it just me, or does anyone feel that OP is in for a continuingly rough ride with this woman? I'm really sorry you have to do deal with it. Don;t ask her again. Find someone else who will truly be there in joy for you and will participate. And when she throws a tantrum (trust me...she will)...just repeat the words she said to you - that you didn't think it was fair to include her in unholy matrimony, nor have her sons witness it etc

                  #9 NotYourAverageDW

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                    Posted 06 September 2008 - 03:41 AM

                    P.S. to add - it's always family that will judge you and break your heart. Sometimes blood isn't always thicker than water.

                    **HUGS** and good luck!

                    #10 kate.com

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                      Posted 06 September 2008 - 11:23 PM

                      yeah, we had a little unexpected family drama too... no fun for sure! It did blow over. Best to let it go and focus on you and your future hubby! Even though it is reaaalllly annoying and you have every right to be upset.

                      THIS IS THE TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE MR. TO BE TOTALLY IN LOVE AND HAPPY! Don't let anyone spoil it for you!!!!! And try to let it go for your own sake (not hers.) If she's not losing any sleep over it, why should you?!.




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