Posted 09 March 2007 - 07:32 PM
We have been having some serious issues with FH's parents. It all started when we got engaged and his dad was actually mad that FI bought me a ring and proposed instead of paying back the $15,000 he owes his father for schooling. (ok, obviously my ring did NOT cost that much, but I guess his dad figured that he could have put that money towards his debt to him) His mother actually agreed with his father and thought the money should have been paid back first. (I'm not saying he should not pay the money back, but if he did we probably would have had to wait another 5 years to get married)There was no congratulations offered by his father, and when we went over to show them my ring, he actually sat and watched tv instead of talking to us and asking what we wanted for a wedding.
Then we bought a house because the apartment we were living in had mold growing in the walls and we had to get out...we were just going to go to another apartment, but my parents gave us money and said you could use that towards a down payment on a house or a wedding. We chose a house. FFIL did not like the fact we were buying a house b/c we "had no idea what we were getting ourselves into".
This is when FH decided to start to distance himself from both his parents. We actually have sat and talked to them about the way they speak to us,(how stupid/irresponsible we are with money) and they had a huge problem with going us going away to get married in July (we are both teachers and there was no other way)...becuase they take an annual trip to DR during January and didn't want to have pay/go twice...then they had a problem with the resort, etc, etc, etc.
My FI finally had enough in probably the last month or so...we rarely mention the wedding anymore, hoping they may be excited enough to ask questions. Anything that is said is a major put down, or problem for them. I was really excited to tell FMIL that I had purchased my dress, and all I got in response was, "where did you buy it" and "oh".
This all leads us to yesterday, when we had one final "discussion". I have been censoring my FI from saying mean or hurtful things to them (I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I really don't know what to do anymore). He said he had decided that he was going to say everything that was on his mind and that was that. He got into some pretty heavy things, esp about being an only child, and essentially an "accident" and he knew it all along by the way they treated him over the years (he was actually quite upset). There were no apologies offered by the FILs, rather a suggestion that he seek counselling since he seems to have some major issues. I have to be honest though, FMIL did mention that all she wants in life is a relationship with him (but said nothing about a relationship with me, who was sitting right across the table from her during this entire conversation).
We left on extremely bad terms...with FFIL asking as we walked out the door if he should even book the trip to come to the wedding at this point. I could not believe it, but I swear its the truth!
I feel so awful for FI, and I feel awful myself. I don't know what to do about the situation at all. My shower invites need to go out within the next week, and at this point FI does not want to invite his mom or his side of the family. I just know that I will be blamed for this, and I really don't know what to do. FMIL has done nothing to contribute to the shower, hasn't even gotten in touch with the MOH or offered to even bake a cookie.
I am so upset right now and I don't know what to say or do to FI, or with this entire situation. I can't believe people can be selfish, ignorant and awful and I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with this.
WHEW! Thanks so much for reading...I know this was sooo long, but really needed to get it off my chest. Thanks!
Posted 09 March 2007 - 07:51 PM
It's just a terrible situation and I'm sorry it has to happen to you.
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Posted 09 March 2007 - 07:54 PM
Posted 09 March 2007 - 08:07 PM
I definitly would recommend doing 1. Perhaps if FMIL sees you in an environment where everyone else is super happy and excited about you two getting married, she will have something to think about. Also I am sure you would want to be thought of as attempting to mend bridges rather then be the person breaking it all up (even though you aren't at all). However at the same time, you have to respect what FI wants.
tough situation - good luck with figuring it out. Let us know how it turns out for you.
Posted 09 March 2007 - 08:13 PM
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Posted 09 March 2007 - 08:35 PM
We have a slightly different situation going on in my in-law family. My sister-in-law has a grown son who has cut her off because he doesn't think she caters to him and his (bitch) wife enough. None of us can stand this woman and I would *hate* it if they actually showed up at our wedding. But for the sake of being a 'better' person, we are inviting them and if they were to attend any of the functions, we would be gracious to them.
If you give them the invite and they decline, they will look like the ass'es they are. If you don't invite them, then you look like the ass. It sucks beyond belief, but sometimes it's easier to bite down the emotions and keep the peace just to prevent thing from exploding even further.
Posted 09 March 2007 - 08:49 PM
Sounds like you & FI need a nice night away from all this crap!
Posted 09 March 2007 - 10:09 PM
I just feel so bad for him, and I'm really trying to supportive for him, and he's pretty adamant about this whole shower thing. I really don't know what to do at this point....this is stressing me out beyond belief!
I always knew getting married would be major stress, but never did I think it would be like this!
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