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FSIL/BF skipped my shower, feelings are hurt


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#31 Hartyt509

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    Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:51 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amarillis
    Harty, you definately have a good point.

    I should be honest - I don't LOVE showers either, I have been known to get out of them too... I think we are all guilty of that.... but, I know HANDS DOWN... that I would be on the "beast" list, if I were to skip a shower for one of my SIL's be it for a bridal, baby, or whatever.

    I know I'd get flack.
    Unfortunately people are generally arses i've found however a select few are total twats and they seem to the be ones i attract lmao

    Stick up for yourself they'll stop pissing you about it works for me - I had to stop speaking to my best mate for 3 months before she finally realised she was being a cow and now its fine.

    I'm really lucky in a way because I refuse to have anything to do with his family and as he's in the army and we live miles away from his lot we can usually get out of stuff lol funny thing FI can't stand them either lmao I always blame the dogs ha ha ha thats how I got out of FMIL's LAST wedding

    #32 Amarillis

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      Posted 03 September 2008 - 02:58 PM

      I will stand up for myself.

      I will tell her that I am upset.

      If things get tense, I'll drop it and say nothing more.

      I will say something.

      I'll fill all of you in when that time comes.

      Maybe it'll all be smiles and sunshine, but then again...

      :S

      #33 Dez921714

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        Posted 03 September 2008 - 03:00 PM

        Just remember...the BDW girls got your back!
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        #34 Hartyt509

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          Posted 03 September 2008 - 03:07 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Dez921714
          Just remember...the BDW girls got your back!
          Too right and if she gets out of hand i'll come over and chin her for you lol

          #35 Banana11

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            Posted 03 September 2008 - 03:46 PM

            Good for you! I think if you approach it with an open mind it will all work out!

            #36 kevsgirl

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              Posted 04 September 2008 - 10:17 PM

              I know you're worried about causing a scene and starting a feud, but I really think that being honest shouldn't really do that.

              If you just even say to her: "Look, I know this may make you uncomfortable and I really don't want us to fight about this, but I was surprised that you didn't show up for the shower after I saw you come home early and it's been making me feel really sad this past week."

              Then you're being honest. You say "I just wanted you to know that I feel weird and upset about it and I know there's probably a reason, but I think I'd feel better knowing what happened with you so that i can move on."

              Tell her you know you're probably more emotional than normal because it's your wedding coming up, etc., but you want to clear the air.

              Honesty is always a good way to approach things like this. Even if it is the hardest way...

              Good luck!

              #37 kevsgirl

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                Posted 04 September 2008 - 10:17 PM

                I know you're worried about causing a scene and starting a feud, but I really think that being honest shouldn't really do that.

                If you just even say to her: "Look, I know this may make you uncomfortable and I really don't want us to fight about this, but I was surprised that you didn't show up for the shower after I saw you come home early and it's been making me feel really sad this past week."

                Then you're being honest. You say "I just wanted you to know that I feel weird and upset about it and I know there's probably a reason, but I think I'd feel better knowing what happened with you so that i can move on."

                Tell her you know you're probably more emotional than normal because it's your wedding coming up, etc., but you want to clear the air.

                Honesty is always a good way to approach things like this. Even if it is the hardest way...

                Good luck!

                #38 Allaballa

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                  Posted 05 September 2008 - 10:35 AM

                  I really think you should just forget about it. She was invited to a party, she chose not to come. Its her choice. She probably knows you are upset about it and you re-iterating it will not really do anything.

                  I have a rule that I do not attend ANY events on long weekends as we usually try to be away for those weekends. I have skipped showers/weddings/birthdays etc because of this. If someone confronted me about it after the fact I'd just tell them that I appreciate the invite but honesly its a party, attendance is not manditory!

                  #39 EricaG

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                    Posted 05 September 2008 - 11:16 AM

                    Just got caught up on this and I don't blame you for being upset. As for most people that will probably be invited to my shower, if they didn't come, I probably wouldn't be too upset, but there are a couple that if they didn't come, I would be upset.
                    Really I don't see how a family feud is going to be started by telling her that you missed her at your shower, especially whenn you saw her right before. If you just ask her calmly and make a general convo out of it, then you can finally get it off your chest, and no one should be upset. As long as you don't storm up to her and demand to know why she didn't show when she was back in time, I don't see the problem. If FI family really that sensitive? Really, this is between you and your FSIL, not the rest of the family. If FI wants to talk to FBIL about it (which it doesn't sound like he does) than he can. You don't have to ask her in front of a group of people, and if the two of you are surrounded with others, just pull her aside and tell her you have been wondering something.

                    Hope it all turns out for you!
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                    #40 Yari

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                      Posted 05 September 2008 - 11:43 AM

                      Good luck, let us know how it went!




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