What to do about DH's "tone"?
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:09 PM
I don't know if he hears the words that come out of his mouth or what, but most of the time I want to strangle him!
He gets this paternal, condescending, patronzing tone that immediately sets me off. He sounds like I'm a bad kid that will get grounded if I don't follow directions. He has got to stop this or I will walk out the door! I don't think he means things the way he says them, it just doesn't come out well. For example last night he says, "The dishes need to be done by the time I get back home" WTF No one talks to me like that. I know what he meant was that we need to keep on top of housework here at the new place.
I'm the first to admit that I have problems with male authority figures (always have) and if I feel I'm being backed into a corner, I come out fighting. I tune him out and do not handle myself well. Once I, very maturely, picked up a glass and threw it at the wall behind him and it shattered everywhere!
His family is very traditional with dad being the head of the house. He's also a retired military, my way or the highway kind of guy. I've noticed after we've spent time with them (the parents were here all weekend helping with the move) that DH tends to act this way.
I don't know what to do! We jsut got into a fight over the phone about it. I don't want to talk to him ever again right now. I'm not usually hot-headded but this sets me off every time!
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:11 PM
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:16 PM
(By the way, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I have nothing against someone who works at McDonalds.)
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:21 PM
I blame a lot of this on his parents and I think I might be overly sensitive when they are around.
I just don't want to spend my life this way, or worse, have my kids grow up hearing and speaking that way.
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:23 PM
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:27 PM
every once in a while doug will say something to me in that tone of voice, but i just chalk it up to the dad in him, with his 2 kids, sometimes you need to speak a certain way to them to get them to understand what you are saying. so when he does it to me i A) think he must need some grown up time, and figure i must have been acting like a child and he responds by treating me like one, just like he would to one of his kids.
i try not to be offended, cause its just his natural reaction, but with mike i dont know what his deal is! that has got to be so frustrating
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:28 PM
I would wait for the immediate anger to subside and ask him to sit down to talk with you, expalining how you feel (not attacking him) and ask him to be more sensitive as you are his wife, not a military commrad.
I wish you the best as I am terrible at confrontation (I am a manager at work and hate to take the lead at home) but it is super important to keep communications lines open an honest so we don't let it build up.
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:31 PM
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:42 PM
My friend's husband talks to her the same way. I swear, my jaw hits the ground when he talks to her.
I'm not even quite sure what you can do since you have talked to him. Everytime he speaks to you this way just keep re-stating the fact that you don't appreciate it when he talks to you like that and you are his wife, not a child.
Posted 02 September 2008 - 01:44 PM
But I would have a conversation when you have cooled down a bit and say that even though he doesn't think he has a tone you hear a tone and therefore he needs to think before he says something. and that you two are a team not a solider with a drill seargant!!!!
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