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FI parents coming, mine not - advice please :(

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#11 adias.angel

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    Posted 26 August 2008 - 09:40 AM

    Just on a guess it sounds like your mom can't afford it. And when she told your brother that she was upset about not going because of cost he got mad. I don't think flying is the reason.

    One other thought. Don't get mad but is your mom a drama queen by any chance? Does it always have to be about her? We ran into a similar thing with my FI grandmother. Instead of calling to congratulate us she called to make sure that we were not looking at the same time of year as her anniversary party she is throwing herself. And that has been one of the more mild things she has done. Sounds kind of like the same thing....

    Just my 2 cents.... Hope they help, Carla :)

    #12 Celina

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      Posted 26 August 2008 - 09:59 AM

      Last July (in 2007) when we first dropped the DW bomb on my family, my dad's first reaction was, "Well I'm not going". I was crushed. I had my uncle on back up to walk me down the aisle, and both of my sisters were going.

      Fast forward 14 months later and all I can say is my, my my how things have changed. I am no longer talking to my uncle, or my younger sister and my older sister can not make it.

      All summer my dad has been buying straw hats to wear on the beach and has been buying guyabera's like they are going out of style - AND he just went yesterday to drop off his passport application and he can't wait to go!

      Give them a minute to absorb it. Is anyone else on your mom's side going or considering going? Does your dad have a brother you are close to? Maybe you can have one of them give you away.

      We're here to listen because at one time or another we have all been in this situation.

      Good luck!
      "Love is not who you live with...it's who you can't live without"

      #13 Amarillis

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        Posted 26 August 2008 - 10:01 AM

        Just on a guess it sounds like your mom can't afford it. And when she told your brother that she was upset about not going because of cost he got mad. I don't think flying is the reason.
        I have to agree with Carla on this call, if cost is an issue, could you not pay for your mother to go?

        I also agree that your brother's reaction is most likely based on a conversation he had with your mother on the same topic.

        I would suggest that if your brother was excited about the trip in the first place, that maybe you talk to him about paying for part of mom's trip as a quasi-Christmas-birthday-other holidays gift...

        Sorry you are going throught this, planning your wedding should be a happy time!

        #14 KAMAY11

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          Posted 26 August 2008 - 10:54 AM

          Hey girl!
          You're definitely not alone!!
          My situation is reversed...my FI's parents will not be there....his father told us at Christmas that him and his wife won't be coming to the wedding because they already spent their $$ on a trip to Europe. (WHATEVER) and now his mom isn't coming. It's less than 2 months away and she hasn't booked yet (even though when we first told her our wedding plans, she PROMISED she would be there no matter what!) and has been dropping hints about not being there.
          My father passed away 7 years ago as well...I feel your pain about having no one to walk you down the isle...it'll be a sad day for me!
          About your comment when you said your bother mentioned you were being selfish-you are definitely NOT being selfish! This is YOUR and your FI's day, not your family's. No matter where you have your wedding, or what day, or what time of year-someone will always find a reason to complain or voice an opinion. As hard as it can be sometimes, just remember you're doing this to make you and your FI happy, not everyone else!!
          Hang in there!!!
          D & K
          October 16th, 2008-Riu Palace Cabo San Lucas


          #15 DanielleNDerek

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            Posted 26 August 2008 - 11:47 AM

            I'm sorry. Maybe your mom and bro will come around. I would try to talk to them again. Stress how important it is for you and your fi to have the wedding you guys want But also stress that it would really mean a lot if they both could be there. If it's a money thing, they have a whole year to save up for it, that's plenty of time!
            ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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            #16 KittenHeart

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              Posted 26 August 2008 - 03:11 PM

              Thank you all for your responses and words of encouragement and suggestions! I already feel better knowing that I'm not the one person with family issues. I really don't get it... It's beyond my comprehension why any parent would miss their childs wedding especially since I've only got one.

              Most of you are right, the cost factor for my mom is an issue and I told her I'd pay for and plan her whole trip. Still refuses to go and actually won't talk to me about it with further pursuing on the reason why.

              I'm not extremely close with my extended family but wanted to have maybe my uncle walk me down the aisle. I'm embarrassed to invite my extended family and having to tell them that my only immediate family will not be attending. I'm considering having two of my best friends walk me down the aisle or walking myself.

              I'm with all of you... it's my day, it's my marriage, why should I bend to accomodate everyone else on my day?

              I was thinking about not mentioning it and sending save the dates and invitations to them like they are standard guests and see what happens. I have a feeling if they don't come I won't ever speak to them again and there goes my whole family. I thought family was supposed to be there and support you... interesting how the happiest of times can bring out people true and sometimes ugly colors.

              Good luck to you all as well! :)

              #17 volley7878

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                Posted 31 August 2008 - 03:46 AM

                My FI and I are in the same situation. His father refuses to come to the wedding. He just hates to travel. We even offered him a first class ticket. In the end, we decided that it's our day and our wedding so we're sticking to the plan. We will fly back home before and after the wedding and I think that's all we can do. Good luck!

                #18 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 31 August 2008 - 05:32 AM

                  It happens to everyone. I lost my mum about 8 years ago and my dad lives on the otherside of the world so he won't be there. I'm walking myself down the aisle 2 and truthfully I'd prefer that rather than the whole giving my daughter away thing because I will always be my daddy's girl no matter who I marry lol

                  Unfortunately FI's mother and ANOTHER step-dad is coming which is a pisser but hey lol

                  I know you are upset but honestly once you get over the initial upset you will think - thank christ for that less stress and less expense lol It is something that your brother and mum WILL regret but you know what thats not your problem you gave them the option to go.

                  You've got ages to go yet and people change their minds when they know you are sticking to what you want and not going to do what THEY want. Don't write them off yet because you just never know. People will tell you on here that some relatives have left it up to a week before to go. People are pains in the arse and once that sinks in everything else slots into place

                  #19 townie princess

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                    Posted 31 August 2008 - 04:20 PM

                    Here's my 2 cents.

                    FI and I had a DW planned because we have family travelling from all over the country, so we'd figure we'd all travel instead of choosing which side of the family would (or would not) have to travel. Everyone was on board for this idea.

                    So once the STDs go out and we're just about to put our deposits down for the hotel, our entire wedding party backs out on us (including my sister). My mom (who kept complaining that she'd get stuck in a blizzard and the plane wouldn't leave the airport) said that my step-dad doesn't have a valid passport and isn't even allowed to leave the country without paying a whole bunch of fees (immigration issues) and that they couldn't go anyways!

                    That drove me really nuts, they were the ones pushing for a DW all along. I thought it was money issues, I had no idea they actually couldn't leave the country!

                    So FI and I did a lot of thinking and decided to have the wedding back home where we're from and where most of our family lives. I think we still regret this decision, we don't get the wedding we really want, but we'll have all of our family there.

                    I'm still really hurt from this (the bomb dropped in early July), but everyone keeps suggesting we go down south for our honeymoon. We wanted it as the backdrop for out wedding, we can honeymoon anywhere! Also, we can only afford to have the wedding and honeymoon in once place, we can't have the wedding back home and then honeymoon in the Carribean.

                    Other people (including FI's mom, who's engaged, and a couple of friends, who aren't engaged but say they'll skip our wedding so they can get married this winter in Costa Rica!) keep saying they'll get married down south so that we can go down there. That hurts me even more, I don't want to go to their wedding down south, that was my dream plan - I'd wish she'd stop rubbing it in my face that she can pull it off but I can't

                    Maybe you can find out from your brother why your family has changed its mind? Maybe another event has happened, or maybe your mom is using the flight cost to cover that she's REALLY afraid to fly. For me to find out my family's reasons, I had to constantly keep talking about the wedding to them and how excited I was and all the things left to do for it. Once they got sick of the talk (and probably felt really guilty by this point), they came clean. I just wish everyone had come clean sooner, instead of wasting my time.

                    Either way, you and your fiance have to decide what's more important. Remember, the bottom line is you'll get married no matter when or where or who shows up.

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