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MelissaH

"friend" vent

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i don't know what to think of this girl...

 

we've been friends (through work) for a couple of years, we get along great, go out for drinks after work together, whatever...

 

so she was invited to our engagement party back in august...she rsvp'd and said she was coming, but didn't show up...fine i figured something must have come up last minute

 

she was invited to the wedding, she said she was coming for sure there was no way she'd miss it...she rsvp'd that she's coming....now she's saying that she's not

 

she was invited to my bach party and shower (both this weekend) and rsvp'd to both saying she's coming AGAIN...and today we find out that she's not coming to either of those either...

 

i really don't know what to think...she's not even giving any reasons why she's backed out of all this stuff, she has just changed her mind and is now saying no...should i take this personally and be upset by it or just shrug it off? i really don't know how to react sad.gif

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Hey Melissa,

The only thing I was thinking that could be an explanation to her behaviour is maybe she's nervoushuh.gif Does she know anyone else at the wedding/bachlorette/bridal shower other than you? Maybe intially she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no, and then realizes as the date gets closer that she just doesn't want to go if she doesn't know anyone elsehuh.gif

What about her cash situation? Maybe she's really tight with money and is too embarrassed to explain it to youhuh.gif

I don't think she's doing it to hurt you deliberately (since she is intially saying yes to all these events)...but maybe that's the only way she knows how to handle sticky situations if she's too embarrassed to tell the truth.

Those are the only explanations I can think of! Hope it helps a bit....smile03.gif

 

Jen

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I wish it were because of either of those, then I'd have an easier time understanding sad.gif She's pretty free with her money, and she'll know just about everyone who's going to all of those things :

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Wow that sucks. I guess you chalk it up to.. she's not that good of a friend I guess?! For the life of me I can't figure why someone would say yes to something then back out (especially so many times!)

 

She seems to have some issues

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Melissa, that stinks so much. I honestly would talk to her and make sure she is okay and if she is uncomfortable or if something is going on with her.

Otherwise, too bad for her to be missing out on such a great time

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Sounds like she's just flaky. Maybe she's one of those people who says they want to go, then as the time approaches just thinks hanging out at home is more fun. We've all been there - it's a cold, rainy night and you remember you said you'd go to someone's party and you have to get ready and be perky and you just don't feel like it. While most normal people just suck it up and go, flakes don't. I'm sure it' has nothing to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with her.

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I know people like that too... they always say they'll be there, but more often than not, they're no-showers. I'm sure they even know they won't be there, but just say yes to shut me up. HUGE pet peeve of mine - I don't care if you cancel, everyone has that right - but if you don't intend to go, just say so. I'd much rather have someone say to me "nah, I really need a day to myself" than not show up. Flakes indeed!! Anyways, I'd confront her too, ask her if she's uncomfortable - or even why she hasn't been able to attend all of these events. Who knows, maybe it'll turn into a 7th Heaven warm, girlfriends moment!

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I would say something, thats just rude for someone who is supposed to be your friend to say they're going to all of these events and then say they can't make it, with no explanation, thats not nice, thats not what friends do.

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I think that you should totally bring it up in conversation. Not necessarily to vent but approach her in a more concerned way.

 

"You've RSVP's for everything and yet you've nver showed up. Are things ok?"

 

That should open lines of communication. It's funny that weddings and the birth of children brings out the best and the worst in people.

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I don't know what to think of your friend melissa. I wouldn't take it personally if she's not that close of freind. I don't think some people take the RSVP thing serious enough for a DW. I'm not counting anyone as a guest until they buy thei package...

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