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So stressed...just want to cancel the whole thing

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19 replies to this topic

#1 KrysNelson

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    Posted 15 August 2008 - 11:52 AM

    Wasn't sure I should vent on here since they probably stalk this site but I am going to do it anyway. I am so stressed about this wedding now that I just want to cancel the whole thing.
    Everyone has somthing to say about where it is...how it is so expensive...blah blah blah.
    I picked the Paradissus because it is nice..and I want a nice place for my wedding. I also picked it because it seems somewhat "kid friendly" and even though there is only one kid going...it is my kid and I want him to have a nice time while he is there. Grant it he will only be 2 but still....they have a lot of options for families. If you can't afford it...then don't come...I mean..wtf.

    I haven't sent out the save the dates yet...my mom is paying for a lot of the wedding...her guest list is about 15 max....my fmil's is 70!!!! I know not all of them will go but geeeez that is a lot of poeple. I wanted to get married in Hawaii with my son and like 4 other people with us....that is it...but my FI whom I call Bridezilla wanted somthing a little more. I still got the DW but it is turning into a circus.
    My mom is throwing us a "reception" like a welcome home party for the family that she isn't inviting to the wedding and for those that can't make it....ummm my FMIL just told me that she basically already hired a caterer for some pig/beef roast thing. Ummmm what? Also she said she is getting a bigger room for her and my son while in the Dominican...ummm again.... what My mom is already a little jealous that she takes care of him while I work...my mom works during the day and can't do it for me...but my fmil really monopolizes him and I know that is another battle when it comes to who he is staying with and blah blah blah.
    I have a headache...I am not the big wedding...lots of fuss type. I have a lot of respect for those who are because all this stress for one day...to me...is not worth it. Give me a beach...some flowers in my hair and barefeet and I am ok.
    My reception package covers 20 ppl and then it is 65. per person after that...what if most of these poeple show up...oh lord....and people wonder why I still haven't sent out the save the dates...they are printed and ready to go...I just haven't mailed them.

    Oh ya and she is planning my jack and jill already....I have a mother and a maid of honor....she already planned 2 daughters weddings....isn't she done....

    Ok I am done now...sorry this is long

    #2 Davematthews16

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      Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:01 PM

      Sometimes you just need to step back, take a deep breath, and remember that this is supposed to he the HAPPIEST time of your life, and a Destination Wedding is supposed to eliminate stress, not add to it. DON'T let other people tell you what YOU are going to do on YOUR wedding day. You must stand your ground and convey to people that this is what you want and this is what you're gonna get!!!! Everyone will always have a suggestion as to what's "better" for you. Whether it be the college you choose, the job you get, who your friends are, or how and where you get married. Only YOU can stand up for yourself and take control of your own life. Smile, relax, and have FUN planning! Don't let anyone get in your way, or add stress to your special day or the days leading up to it. I haven't read a single review on here where the bride said "My wedding was a horrible mess, and I stressed the whole time." Instead it goes something like "Everything was perfect, I wouldn't change a thing, I had the time of my life." Despite the wedding "speed-bumps" along the way, everything will be perfect for you in the end, and your wedding will be WONDERFUL!

      #3 ErinB


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        Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:01 PM

        I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but I think all of us have had these thoughts before.

        Wedding planning is tough, no matter how elaborate the wedding is!

        I say step one is to take a deep breath. It's a Friday, so grab a cocktail after work. Have you addressed these issues with your FI? He might need to suggest to his mother that she back off a bit.

        As long as the situation is addressed, and in an non-confontational manner, I don't see what the problem would be. Tell her you appreciate her help and enthusiasim, but you need her to run things past you first before she makes any decisions, etc. It might hurt her feelings now, but you don't want to start off your new life together with feelings of resentment for his family (trust me!) It will be better than completely losing it and screaming at her over the Thanksgiving dinner table.

        Go on and mail the STDs. You will find that a lot of people will say they are coming and then don't. This is a whole different kind of stress. You just can't let yourself get worked up over hypothetical situations.

        As far as who takes care of your son, you need to give each mom a schedule that you feel is fair.

        Good luck! You're always free to vent here!

        #4 Bianca

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          Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:05 PM

          Give your fmil a limit as to who she wants to invite. Let her know that its $65 per person if more than those people come and you have not budgeted for that additional cost. Or if you really don't want to invite all those people you just need to let her know straight up.

          I think you said that your son is 2? So is mine and I really dont think any of us will be choosing where he sleeps. By next year I know he will have his own mind a opinions more than he does now. He will be the one choosing where he wants to sleep with all of his favorite people in the world around him all the time.

          FMILs can be a PITA. You just have to find the best way to get her to understand this is YOUR wedding and YOU get the final say in whatever happens.
          19 adults/3 children with flights booked! 10 rooms booked!


          #5 Angel

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            Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:05 PM

            First that is YOUR wedding and forget about everybody else and what they have to say about where it's going to be and how expensive it is. If they have a problem then that's their own seperate issue, you don't need to worry about that. I know everybody would like to go but if they can't then they can't. I personally would sit down and set some ground rules between everybody and what you want to do. Planning a DW is a challenge all by itself, you don't need any extra added stress. Try not to stress, just express to everybody what you want and don't want. They should respect your decisions and work along side you and not against you. I hope everything works out. Good luck with everything.

            #6 lucy106

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              Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:27 PM

              Oh sweetie, so sorry for all this stress!! It is YOUR day!! Dont let your FMIL ruin it or the process for that matter. Or FI definitely needs to be brought into the situation and talk to his mom about the number of people and doing all these things before talking to the both of you. She is totally be insensitive and disrespectful. Try to enjoy the night and the weekend. If you can take the weekend off from wedding stuff, sometimes that helps to rejuvinate you!! good luck and keep us informed!

              #7 starchild



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                Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:33 PM

                Sorry, you shouldn't feel stressed at this time! I say tell her w/ FI that you want a small wedding and that's that. She can throw a pig roast or whatever for all of her friends at an AHR but this is not her gig, you know? It's tough but you have to take a stand now or she'll think she can dictate for the rest of your married lives. She can get mad if she wants but don't let her change your vision. Good luck!!

                #8 KrysNelson

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                  Posted 15 August 2008 - 12:39 PM

                  Thanks ladies...I fell better already...I will feel even better when I stop to buy a bottle of wine on my way home!!!! Now I just have to get up the nerve to stick up for myself...maybe 2 bottles of wine!!! I will keep you updated on what goes on!

                  THANK YOU!!!!!!!

                  #9 jajajaja

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                    Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:00 PM

                    i haven't read what others wrote so I could be repeating (not that it hurts to have it drilled in right? :) ) First, it sounds like all this stress is unnecessary. Don't freak about numbers yet. It's so early and you will find that less people will come that you expected. I would say about 2/3 won't come...but you could have a more dedicated group than the norm.

                    Second, it sounds like you are super stressed because this wedding has spiraled out of control and not one thing is what YOU want. Take the reins back and put your foot down- nicely. There isn't a need to get all bridezillaish and piss your FMIL and FI off to no end. Just remind FMIL that it's YOUR wedding and make compromises with your FI. It's between the 2 of you and no one else. Don't feel bad about reminding others that they don't belong in the decision making.

                    Third- no matter if you pick the most perfect place possible, you will have people bitch. Recognize that and shut out all negativity. Some one will always grumble- it's too much money, it's not nice enough, I'd prefer ___, etc. Who gives a shit- they have hte right to choose whether or not to come and if they don't like it, they can stay home- Which sounds like you really wouldn't mind anyways. :)

                    Most importantly, relax. It will all work out. The early months are the roughest cause you are treading unfamiliar territory and you are receiving the most negativity. WE have all been there. It gets better. Just take it in stride and concentrate on what matters most.
                    Happily married since 2008

                    #10 DanielleNDerek

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                      Posted 15 August 2008 - 01:23 PM

                      First it's your wedding not your fmil. She needs to back off. How does your fi feel? He really needs to talk to his mother and let her know that it's you & your fi's wedding not hers. She can't invite all these people. Giver her a limit and that's it unless she is going to pay for these people. just because it's a dw doesn't mean the reception is cheaper per person it's usually more, less people just happen to go.

                      And she definately shouldnt be planning things like pig roasts and jacknjills without others permission. I'm not really sure what a jack n jill is but sounds like something your mom and bms should be handling. And if they wanted to ask her to help thats different.
                      ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
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