So stressed about money for wedding

[RyanAmanda]

This is my first time in the 'just venting' category. Up until now our wedding planning has been going great (well, except for when we had to tell everyone we were cancelling our at-home wedding for a DW!).

 

I always thought that we would have to 'help' FH's parents out with part of their trip. His mom and I do NOT get along, she refuses to work and even after she had to get a job (they needed the money), she's constantly going on medical EI and not working. She makes rude little comments all the time (even telling our best man that FH was making a mistake in marrying me) and just bugs me in general. Apparently she was like this with FBIL's wife. I guess she hates you until there's a 'new' wife to hate. So if anyone want to marry younger FBIL, please do so soon so she can stop hating me! lol. Anyway, I thought by help we would be paying a couple hundred bucks. Whatever. FFIL means the world to FH so I'm okay with that. When it came time to pay the deposit ($150pp), we paid it for both of them. And now I find out that my 'help' we're paying for their entire trip. Once you minus the deposit, the balance owing is $2254.50. And it's due in under a month so that's another two grand to add to the budget.

 

So I'm already stressed over having to pay this, when I get an email from our photographer. It's a husband/wife team - my sister is a professional photographer who reads the husband's blog so she's really excited about the chance to meet him so we specifically hired him. There's no difference in the pictures, I can't tell one that the husband took from one that the wife took. It's just he's the famous one because of the blog. Anyway, my sister was so excited that she's helping pay for our TTD. So, yesterday the husband sends me an email saying he's going to be stuck in the states during the day we booked him so the wife will be shooting our TTD instead. Which is fine from a photography standpoint, it's just my sister was helping us because she wanted to meet the husband. Now that he won't be there, I can't accept her money. So now I have to come up with another two grand because he's stuck in the states.

 

So within a week, I've had our expenses go up by 4 grand. None of which we have so it will all be getting put on a credit card. I just....I feel so stressed out that my stomach feels like one giant knot.

[Hartyt509]

God thats awful.

 

I think I'd be telling FMIL to get her hand in her pocket and that helping out doesn't mean you are paying for everything the lazy cow. She wants to be grateful i'm not the future DIL i'd break her lmao

 

Speak to your sister she probably will still want to help you out.

[RyanAmanda]

I wish you would come break her! I just don't know what to do. On the weekend she was talking about how was in a furniture store looking at new couches. And how she's planning on riding horses in Mexico and go out on a catamaran and all this stuff. How is it she has money for all this but she doesn't even have $100 to pay for her trip! FH won't bring it up with them either. So I don't know what to do. How do I bring it up without starting a huge family fight?

[Chiquita]

Well.... it's FI's responsibility to talk to his family about the money situation. Why won't he do that? Does he want to pay for his parents?

[Anna83]

I agree, it is definately FI's responsibility to talk to them. You don't want to start a fight and have them blaming you. If FI is close with his dad, maybe he should start by talking to him. Tell them with all of the wedding expenses, you can afford to help them out a little, but cannot afford to pay for the whole trip.

 

Your sister might still help you out with the photographer. Maybe it could be her wedding gift to you??

 

Good luck. I have a hard time dealing with my FMIL and FFIL as well, I know how hard it can make life.

[Kat81]

You poor thing. I agree with everyone. Have a convo with your FH and tell him your concerns. Let him talk to them and see what they can figure out. I am sure your sister still will want to help. Just talk to her and see what she thinks.

[Davematthews16]

WTF is up with these difficult FMIL's? Has your FI talked to her at all about it? I know it can be a touch subject, but he needs to to TELL her that you guys are happy to HELP pay, but cannot afford a few THOUSAND extra. It will all work out in the end, it's just one of those "wedding speed-bumps"

[KLC77]

I'm curious as to how your FI feels about paying for their trip. Is he ok with it or is he not happy, but feels like you have to do it anyway? If he's ok with it idk if there's much you can do. If he's not happy about it either then he should talk to them and tell them you are willing to help, but not pay the whole thing. I'd be freakin pissed if I was paying for someone's whole trip because they couldn't afford it and then they went horseback riding and on a catamaran! I'd totally flip and tell them that if they have the money for those things then they can pay toward their trip!

[kevsgirl]

Man, that is just the pits. I feel terrible for you. But I also feel like there's no way in hell you should pay for their entire trip. Help - fine - but not >$2,000. That's just plain insane.

Maybe you can just pay for his dad and then if she wants to come, she can fork over her own stupid cash. Or not buy a f**** couch. GEEZE!

 

Some of our friends are super broke and they just told us they "need to get away" (they're about to move to a different city) so they're going out west for a week. WTF? I"m sure they won't come to our DW, but seriously. Don't talk to us about how you're spending your money!!!

 

Your FI needs to tell them that it's not all free.

 

It's not fair for you to start your married life together with a huge debt b/c of his parents.

[KLC77]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kevsgirl It's not fair for you to start your married life together with a huge debt b/c of his parents.

This is a GREAT point!