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Wedding Stress

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#1 SAM

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    Posted 10 August 2008 - 11:41 PM

    Not sure where to start.

    This whole wedding has become more of a dark black rain cloud over my head than a special day.

    My FH and I have been together for 9 years so this is us making it legal and we are both only children so our parents really want to see this - we would rather have eloped

    Ok, We are paying for the entire wedding. We (FH an I) made a pack that we would not go into debt over a wedding and would pay for it in cash. We aren't wealthy (He's in a trade and I work for a non-profit) and I just finished school (don't you just love those student loans). For several years I have work part time for a wedding caterer so I've seen everything. I wanted to run away from it all and just get married with sand in my toes and not really care about all the other stuff.

    A list of the crazyness

    1. My dad lost his job and has been out of work for a few months and I'm really starting to get worried that he won't be able to make it ( Parents are divorced). I'm not sure I am prepared to get married without my dad.

    2. We are also paying for my mom to come to the wedding as she can't afford it (she basically told me she couldn't afford it so I told her I could pay her way).

    3. My Maid of Honor can't make it- she got laid off from her job. I told her I understand but I'm really sad. She has been my Best Friend for 18 years and I really don't want anyone else in my wedding party.

    4. The Family Member- Maybe everyone has that one family member who drives you up the wall! I love her but I really can't handle her comments anymore- she is very old school and speaks her mind... she treats me like I'm a five year old child. She even asked me to change my wedding date so she could fly to Hawaii on a specific date. Her and my dad don't get along at all so I have to worry about keeping them apart at our reception dinner.

    With everything that has gone on and airfare is just insane I'm wondering if I made the right choice. Should we just cancel it and go to city hall? I'm fine with going to city hall but I worry about my guests and letting them down. My FH is fine with whatever and will back me 100%.

    A few family members have already bought their aifare and I'm stressing.
    I don't know if they are refundable airfare?

    Any thoughts?

    #2 sally

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    • 302 posts

      Posted 11 August 2008 - 05:54 AM

      Sounds awful.
      I hope your dad makes it to the wedding!!
      You should do what feels right for you and your FI it's your day.
      Good Luck

      #3 syl1115

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        Posted 11 August 2008 - 07:30 AM

        That is such a hard decision to make. First I would find out if the airfare that was purchased is refundable. If so, do what feels right. If not, maybe you could have a legal ceremony with your parents attending and still have the DW wedding with those that have already purchased tickets. Just a thought. If the cost is getting outrageous for both of you, you may need to make some hard decisions.

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        #4 JoLo908

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          Posted 11 August 2008 - 07:59 AM

          If those people are so imporatant to you, which they should be, maybe you could have a small intimate ceremony at home. I know the destination wedding is wonderful, but having those you love and care about is as well. Best of luck, you are in my prayers.

          I have the student loans too... sucks...

          #5 Alyssa

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            Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:18 AM

            Do you have a TA?
            Airfare is usually not refundable, however your TA can (sometimes) negotiate with the airlines and get your guests a credit to be used for future travel.

            Or you and your FI can buy them travel insurance (about $50 per person that has booked) and then cancel after they are all insured.

            just some thoughts - it sounds like your important people are having a hard time making this happen - it is such a hard decision but i know for us if our most important guests couldn't make it, we would have changed our plans.

            i should clarify - if they COULDN'T b/c of money or health but not if they were just bitching, difficult or didn't 'want' to go - then F' em.

            #6 Copita

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              Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:25 AM

              Sorry to hear all this is happening at once.
              But rest assured, everything always DOES work out in the end with these DW weddings. I know it sounds cliched as a motherf*er but it's true. LOL.
              Just take a deep breath and think about it: do you prefer getting married in city hall or having a DW?
              If the answer is clear to you, do whatever your mind tells you.
              DO NOT listen to the naysayers and people asking you to ridiculously change your wedding date to appease them. Hello, if they want to come and can, they will be there.
              As for the maid of honor, we all have a story (am convinced after joining BDW) of losing an MOH or a bridesmaid in the process of planning a DW. I lost one a 2 or 3 months before.
              Try to just rest easy knowing that it's what YOU want to do and it will all be A-okay. :)

              #7 Jen_S

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                Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:39 AM

                I am hoping this is just the stuff that typically happens with DW, as I do not think the guest realize the stress it adds when they complain about the money. I have gone through this. Is there a way you pay for 1/2 of your moms trip so then you pay 1/2 of your dads this way you are helping them both? I do not know the costs to go to Hawaii but is there another time of the year when it is not so expensive possibly you are going at the peak of the season and may be cheaper in June. You could have your legal ceremony at city hall so everyone can attend and have a small AHR then you and FI can go and do a religious ceremony where you want. I hope all works out family can cause so much stress and I do not think they even realize the pressure of us asking them to come causes. Stay positive hopefully it will all workout, but in the end you will be happily married to the man of your dreams, so see it does work out!!!
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                #8 SAM

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                • 542 posts

                  Posted 21 August 2008 - 12:45 AM

                  Thanks to everyone who gave advice. I'm sure that most DW have lots and lots of stressful things that come up. We decided to go ahead with our plans and I hope my parents can attend... I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

                  #9 Mrs. Martin

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                    Posted 21 August 2008 - 02:01 AM

                    Just read you are going to continue with the DW plans, so I wanted to wish you good luck!!! Is your dad going to be able to make it?

                    I know exactly how you feel, my FI and I from the beginning said we wouldn't charge ONE thing for this wedding or go into debt like so many people we know for a wedding. We had to end up paying for my parents to fly (they just got divorced, so they are getting use to their new finances), we have two mortgages now, and my student loans are kicking in this November (yikes )!!

                    I hope everything works out for you and you are able to enjoy your wedding planning instead of stressing about it. Well, you'll always have the stress, but just a different type of stress (the good kind )!

                    #10 becks



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                    Posted 21 August 2008 - 11:11 AM

                    I'm glad to hear that you've decided to continue on with the DW!

                    I had some momentary thoughts of changing mine, too. I am SO glad I didn't. It was everything I thought it would be, and more.

                    Your parents will find a way. Have faith. Keep an eye on the airfares, and buy when they go down. Hawaii is tough, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

                    Happily married since 2008

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