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When the shoe is on the other foot...

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#1 Debs

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    Posted 10 August 2008 - 10:19 AM

    Chris's best friend got engaged last week. Out of all our friends who said ya ya we are coming, Mitch and his (then) girlfriend Franci were the only ones who actually ponied up the money and came down and saw us get married. He was Chris's best man.

    Back before we went down there, Mitch had been thinking of proposing to Franci, but the thought of a DW was foreign to them. After seeing how amazing and stress free our wedding was, they are seriously considering a DW, most likely in Cancun/Mayan Riviera.

    Chris has said under no circumstances will we NOT be at this wedding. They actually went through a lot to come to ours (she was laid off 2 months before our wedding, and basically put the whole thing on their credit card). They have moved into his parents place to save money for their wedding, which will likely be next summer.

    Here's the thing now. We are moving into our new house in 20 days. One of the whole reasons we are doing this is to get a cheaper house, pay off all our debts and actually start SAVING some money. I'm afraid 1. we wont have the money saved and there we go having to put the trip on a CC and rack up our debt again, or 2. just sending Chris because we can't afford for the both of us to go, and I know they will be really dissapointed because heck we are moving away from them

    I know it's a long way off, they haven't even set a date yet, but I'm already stressing about it

    #2 Alyssa

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      Posted 10 August 2008 - 10:26 AM

      Well Debs, IMHO I think you should just not think about the stress factor of it right now and just be happy for them.

      Also, think about how much it meant to Chris and YOU to have them at your wedding and what that support meant - it is hard to put a price on it.

      Personally, I think you should both be there unless of an emergency - just make that your vacation that year.

      I think just sending him is a slap in the face.

      #3 ErinB


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        Posted 10 August 2008 - 02:53 PM

        I agree with Alyssa. Right now you just need to be excited for them. When the time comes you say yes, and then figure out how to do it.

        I think as long as their resort is comparable to yours (and the amount to travel) you both need to be there. If they decide to go to Tahiti and it will be $5K per person, you might have more of an out.

        #4 Kat81

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          Posted 10 August 2008 - 03:10 PM

          I agree... YOu don't know when it is yet. I'm sure you all can save up the money. You really can't put a price on a good friendship. I am learning that more and more with this DW

          #5 ginalynn

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            Posted 10 August 2008 - 03:20 PM

            Don't panic! If there is one thing I have learned, it is don't bother stressing because things always end up working out in the end. You have a lot of time before their wedding! If you are a planner and want to make sure you can go, skip one dinner out a month and stick the money in an envelope tucked away somewhere and make sure that you don't take it out for anything EXCEPT for paying for your friends' wedding.

            #6 Jenn

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              Posted 10 August 2008 - 05:11 PM

              I wouldn't start stressing at this point... you don't know when, where, or how much their wedding will be. But, I would say you both need to go. It sounds like they went through a lot to make it to your wedding, so I think you really need to be at theirs.

              #7 Yari

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                Posted 10 August 2008 - 06:58 PM

                You have plenty of time to save money. I know it seems hard now, but you can do it. You both have to be at their wedding.

                #8 ehegwer

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                  Posted 10 August 2008 - 07:01 PM

                  If you each put away $50 every month, then by the time the wedding comes around, you will have the money in the bank!

                  #9 aeroo

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                    Posted 11 August 2008 - 01:39 AM

                    It sounds like you should start saving the money now, rather than later. If you start putting away $250 per month, then you'll have $3000 in 12 months. If each of you put away $75 per paycheck (assuming you get paid every 2 weeks), then it should work out okay. At least once you start saving the money, you'll have more options than if you leave it to the last minute and have nothing saved up.

                    #10 beachbride08

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                      Posted 11 August 2008 - 08:56 AM

                      I agree what the others have said already. I wouldn't freak out about it, but I definitely think you need to go. Since they haven't picked a date or resort yet you don't know what the price is and Cancun/Riviera Maya has some very reasonably priced resorts. If they plan on using a travel agent you can work out a payment plan. The TA we used only required a deposit up front and then the remainder of the balance is due 60 days before the trip, but she allowed guests to send her monthly payments. I think it is easier to save money that way when you have a set payment. That way you can't dip into that money for another purpose. I completely understand wanting to apy off your debt, and you can still pay down your debt while saving for the trip. This is an important day for what sounds like very close friends, and they seemed to have sacrificed a lot to come to your wedding and I think you need to do the same.

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