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In Dire Need of Sound Advice - PLEASE help!!!!!


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#41 Davematthews16

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    Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:13 PM

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AprilandPatrick
    [UPDATE]
    Good morning, ladies!

    First thank you all so much for your sound support, it has been truly appreciated by me, and my fiance.

    I want to let you all know that we took the advice and FI had a "come to Jesus", if you will, with FMIL. Mind you, they live 2-hours away, so the talk was done over the telephone, and lasted approxiamtely a little over an hour.

    He conveyed everything to her. It was a battle, as she refused to see our wishes and dreams. He explained why we wanted our wedding in Mexico, how it was more financially feasible for us, how it was intended to be stress free, and that we are having a reception there, and we are willing to have AHR back home in Oklahoma as long as they are willing to pay.

    She took it as an attack - not a constructive conversation. She even said to FI, "Are you trying to put me in my place?" You girls would DIE, if you knew my fiance. He is a teddy bear and wouldn't hurt an ant!

    At the end of the day, she said that she and FFIL will attend. She stuck to her guns about providing me a list of over a hundred people for me to send STD cards to.....all people neither of us know - whatever. We still have yet to receive this list from her, as she promised it would be in our hands 2-days ago.

    My fiance even asked her why she doesn't call me to discuss the wedding with me, she had no response. He told her that I am the one that knows all the details and he would appreciate it if she would at least express interest in trying to get to know his future wife, and become more involved....she said she would try. So we'll see.

    My final thoughts. You are all right. I can't change her or anyone, and I don't want to. I have shifted focus on my life with my FI, and I can see clearly now. I'm going on planning our dream wedding full force. You girls rock with the support I received and for those out there experiencing the same, I hope this serves as a sounding board for you as well.

    I'm off to work. Love you all! BESOS!
    YOU ARE AWESOME!!! I just wanted to stand up and clap after reading this (I'm totally cheezy) but seriously, I'm SO glad that you stuck to your guns and TOLD her your plans. Is she anything like Jane Fonda in the movie "Monster In-Law"? This whole thing reminds me of that movie A LOT! You are such a nice person and it seems like your FMIL is being very stubborn. I'm sure over time she will mellow out and realize how great you are! Now on with your plans!!!! How exciting! What would happen if you just called her up as nice as can be and ask her if she had time to get the list for you and basically kill her with kindness? Anyway, It's VERY cool that you get to have your dream wedding! We'll all be here to help you plan!

    #42 azhuskergirl

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      Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:18 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Hartyt509
      Your FI did really well facing up to his overbearing cow of a mother because its a hard thing for a son to do so well done him and long may it continue.

      If she doesn't contact you who gives a shit you have your family and you and FI will have a fab marriage without her sticking her bloody oar in - its her loss and she will die unhappy and bitter and twisted

      YOU pick the date when YOU want not when it suits her bloody schedule, its her son she can make a fucking effort!! i'm sure if you ask FI he'll probably say its a first lol

      As regards her long list!! take it, look at it, and put in file F (ie the fucking bin!) its not a circus and you should not be inviting people or paying for them when you don't know them or even want them there. If she wants a party let her hold one and don't you dare pay for it! Let the witch put her hands in her pocket!
      Nobody could say it better! Seriously, I am sorry that you're in this situation. She sounds horrible. God forbid she realize that the wedding is about the 2 of you & not 100 of her dearest friends. You'll get through this! Hang in there.

      And my prayers are with you, your dad & your family.

      #43 Alyssa

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        Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:18 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by Hartyt509
        LOL see April Alyssa is much more elaquent than me i'd just tell her to fuck off lol
        Marie - i agree - that is how i wanted to end it "fuck off you selfish bitch" lol

        #44 DanielleNDerek

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          Posted 13 August 2008 - 04:05 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Hartyt509
          YOU pick the date when YOU want not when it suits her bloody schedule, its her son she can make a fucking effort!! i'm sure if you ask FI he'll probably say its a first lol
          Great point Harty!
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          #45 HotTamale

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            Posted 26 August 2008 - 12:32 PM

            I want to update everyone to let you know that my dad passed this past Saturday morning. The memorial service is tomorrow, we will take some of his ashes with us to Mexico next summer for our wedding and spread them in the sea. This is so difficult. Just want you all to know.

            #46 adias.angel

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              Posted 26 August 2008 - 12:42 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by AprilandPatrick
              I want to update everyone to let you know that my dad passed this past Saturday morning. The memorial service is tomorrow, we will take some of his ashes with us to Mexico next summer for our wedding and spread them in the sea. This is so difficult. Just want you all to know.
              My heart is just breaking for you. I lost my dad over a year ago so I know how hard this is. I wish there was some piece of advice I could give to make it hurt less but there isn't. I promise over time it does get better. The first few days are the hardest. Remember we are all here for you, even if it is just for a shoulder to cry on. Carla

              #47 JoLo908

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                Posted 26 August 2008 - 12:46 PM

                Awww, April... I was thinking about you and hoping you were doing well with your wedding situation. I am so sorry to hear about your father... I think it would be beautiful to spread his ashes in Mexico, maybe you can even light a candle for him at your ceremony... just something to remind you too that life is precious, and you are so lucky to have found true love... I pray for you, your father, and your happiness...

                #48 meagan

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                  Posted 26 August 2008 - 01:01 PM

                  April,

                  Sorry to hear about your dad. Its bad enough that you are dealing with that and now you FMIL is adding more stress that is not needed. Its messed up!

                  I agree with everyone...do what you and your FI want! If you don't you will definately regret it. It's a shame that this is supposed to be the happiest time in your life and they are selfishly ruining it for the two of you.

                  I hope it works out. You are being very fair so f*ck them! I know it sounds harsh, but you can't make everyone happy. Family should be supportive (even if they disagree with your decision). Obviously they are not thinking of you and your feelings, so you need to make yourself happy.

                  Good luck!

                  I will light a candle for your father. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                  #49 CayoLargo

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                    Posted 26 August 2008 - 01:01 PM

                    I feel your pain April...my FI and I had been planning a DW wedding well before the engagement even happened...my family knew...but then when it came down to actually planning it many of my family gave me a guilt trip about the cost. So I am also dealing with it...but my FI and I have stuck to our guns and have continued with a DW. We are not planning on doing a reception at home on our return just sending out nice pictures to all of our family.

                    I think when it comes down to anything in life you have to stand your ground...you must do what ultimately makes you happy and in this case your FI happy as well.

                    Good luck with the letter and be prepared for the worse!
                    Engaged: December 25, 2007
                    Married: February 4, 2009
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                    #50 Alyssa

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                      Posted 26 August 2008 - 01:40 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by AprilandPatrick
                      I want to update everyone to let you know that my dad passed this past Saturday morning. The memorial service is tomorrow, we will take some of his ashes with us to Mexico next summer for our wedding and spread them in the sea. This is so difficult. Just want you all to know.
                      Oh April - i am so sorry for your loss
                      i will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts through this difficult time - HUGE VIRTUAL HUGS xoxo alyssa




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