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In Dire Need of Sound Advice - PLEASE help!!!!!


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#31 HotTamale

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    Posted 13 August 2008 - 09:00 AM

    [UPDATE]
    Good morning, ladies!

    First thank you all so much for your sound support, it has been truly appreciated by me, and my fiance.

    I want to let you all know that we took the advice and FI had a "come to Jesus", if you will, with FMIL. Mind you, they live 2-hours away, so the talk was done over the telephone, and lasted approxiamtely a little over an hour.

    He conveyed everything to her. It was a battle, as she refused to see our wishes and dreams. He explained why we wanted our wedding in Mexico, how it was more financially feasible for us, how it was intended to be stress free, and that we are having a reception there, and we are willing to have AHR back home in Oklahoma as long as they are willing to pay.

    She took it as an attack - not a constructive conversation. She even said to FI, "Are you trying to put me in my place?" You girls would DIE, if you knew my fiance. He is a teddy bear and wouldn't hurt an ant!

    At the end of the day, she said that she and FFIL will attend. She stuck to her guns about providing me a list of over a hundred people for me to send STD cards to.....all people neither of us know - whatever. We still have yet to receive this list from her, as she promised it would be in our hands 2-days ago.

    My fiance even asked her why she doesn't call me to discuss the wedding with me, she had no response. He told her that I am the one that knows all the details and he would appreciate it if she would at least express interest in trying to get to know his future wife, and become more involved....she said she would try. So we'll see.

    My final thoughts. You are all right. I can't change her or anyone, and I don't want to. I have shifted focus on my life with my FI, and I can see clearly now. I'm going on planning our dream wedding full force. You girls rock with the support I received and for those out there experiencing the same, I hope this serves as a sounding board for you as well.

    I'm off to work. Love you all! BESOS!

    #32 caroline

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      Posted 13 August 2008 - 10:59 AM

      April (and I haven't read all responses) simply put, I would 'nicely' let everyone know that Mexico is where you're getting married... that they are welcome to join you in the celebration... and that an AHR happen in Oklahoma following your wedding... and that if they don't like it... (where's Harty when you need her?!)

      Seriously, this is YOUR day - YOU and your FI. Not your FMILs. As someone else mentioned, marriage is a long road... Don't get railroaded from the on-set. Start as you mean to finish. And let FMIL know in no uncertain terms, how it's going to go.

      Thank God I get on with Matt's mother! But if I didn't...

      Good Luck!

      #33 caroline

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        Posted 13 August 2008 - 11:11 AM

        "... a list of over a hundred people for me to send STD cards to.....all people neither of us know - whatever. "

        Seriously?!! Is this your event? Or her event?!! WTF?! You must be nice. That woman should count her lucky stars she doesn't have me coming on board as a DIL! lol

        #34 Amarillis

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          Posted 13 August 2008 - 11:29 AM

          April, I am so sorry to hear about your dad - and don't fret about venting this is why were are all active on the forum!

          As for your FMIL - gawd... well, I do have some sound advice in relation to However, now his mom is throwing another guilt trip, becuase she wants all of her friends to attend and other people that I have never met. I am planning on having a reception back home, but she is still not happy with that.

          In our case we experienced a similar situation - our solution - invite everyone - this is IMO a secret beauty of a DW - those that show, show. It's that simple! Many of my mothers friends said they were coming etc etc... I heard numerous 'I better be invited' statements.... but when push came to shove, two of the twenty of her friends are actually coming.

          PS> we aren't doing an AHR....

          #35 DanielleNDerek

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            Posted 13 August 2008 - 11:38 AM

            April i'm sorry about your dad, I hope he gets well soon.

            And kudos to your fi for having a talk with his mom. I hope she realizes that she is missing out on getting to know a really nice person, you seem so sweet. Maybe she'll come around. Moms can be a little overprotective of their sons sometimes, maybe she is having a hard time letting him grow up. I hope that's all it is.
            ***Married November 6, 2008***Gavin Born February 28th, 2010***
            Paradisus Palma Real Wedding Review
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            #36 eblum999

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              Posted 13 August 2008 - 12:29 PM

              April-

              I am very sorry to hear about your dad My thoughts and prayers are with you and him. I do hear exactly where your coming from though for the wedding!! I am sort of in the same situation you are in. When my fiance' and I got engaged in December... I we started looking at reception halls in my area (Central New Jersey) for a July 2009 wedding. I am a teacher so I def. wanted a summer wedding. After countless attempts to find "the perfect" place" that came along with a $40,000 plus price tag... I decided that I wanted nothing to do with having a traditional wedding in a reception hall. Not only are they a waste of money in my opinion... they are over in a blink of the eye... and honestly does anyone REALLY enjoy them? I think not!

              Doug and I went down to the Riviera Maya... after seeing some wedding held down there. We stayed at the brand new Barcelo Maya Palace... and when I tell you that was it!!!!! We booked the wedding for July 18th 2009 and we were set!

              WELL.... when we got home.. my whole family were all so excited! They are all using it as a much need vacation! On the other side... His family was the complete opposite! Totally against it! No one from his extended family is coming and they want the same.... for us to have the wedding home. Well like you the ones who want it home did not even make a effort to make our engagement party in NJ!
              After countless sleepless nights... of trying to make everyone else happy... I have stuck with my gut and we are having a destination wedding! We could not be happier! His parents are coming around to the idea.... you know what.... and I know you have heard this a million and one times... ITS YOUR DAY....Thats what I had to get in my head as well. If I had done what they wanted I would have been miserable! I could not be happier that I am doing what we want! And you know what! People will enjoy themselves... and I bet more people will come than you think! If they choose not to come... its on them. Not you. They miss out! That's how I'm looking at it. If Patricks's mom chooses not to enjoy "the ride" and attend the wedding... them you know what. Too Bad.
              I hope this helps! I am across the country and I am going through the same thing! There are thousands of brides-to-be going through the same. You are not alone!

              I joined this website 2 days ago and I can not even tell you how much better it has made my planning outlook. The people are so nice and so supportive. Any time you need advice.. just ask :)

              I checked out your site! You 2 are a beautiful couple! I have the same site!
              www.ericaanddoug.weddingwindow.com

              Good Luck :)
              Erica
              Erica & Doug
              July 18th 2009
              Barcelo Maya Palace
              www.elizabethmedina.com/ED09

              #37 caroline

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                Posted 13 August 2008 - 12:39 PM

                Amarillis, in theory that sounds great. But for me, every guest that attends our wedding, is going to cost Matthew & I an extra $50 a pop! That is solely for the meal and not factoring in any excursions or anything else!

                In Aprils case... 100 of her FMILs guests?! at $50 a head??!! I'd tell her to go pound salt! Unless she wants to foot the bill... and even then, why would you have people you don't even know at your wedding?!

                #38 Hartyt509

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                  Posted 13 August 2008 - 01:52 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by caroline
                  (where's Harty when you need her?!)
                  I am here and oh boy am I ready lol

                  April this is my fav subject because I can't stand my FMIL and I have now developed a relationship where she daren't piss me off because i'll rip her a new one and it has become very helpful lmao

                  Your FI did really well facing up to his overbearing cow of a mother because its a hard thing for a son to do so well done him and long may it continue.

                  If she doesn't contact you who gives a shit you have your family and you and FI will have a fab marriage without her sticking her bloody oar in - its her loss and she will die unhappy and bitter and twisted

                  YOU pick the date when YOU want not when it suits her bloody schedule, its her son she can make a fucking effort!! i'm sure if you ask FI he'll probably say its a first lol

                  As regards her long list!! take it, look at it, and put in file F (ie the fucking bin!) its not a circus and you should not be inviting people or paying for them when you don't know them or even want them there. If she wants a party let her hold one and don't you dare pay for it! Let the witch put her hands in her pocket!

                  Upshot is i suppose - be nice if that doesn't work, be less nice and if that still doesn't work tell her to go fuck herself and don't contact her. I guarantee she'll be on the phone whinging in a few weeks lmao

                  As for your dad chick i've been there my mum and a lot of my family have had kidney transplants, trust me when I say it doesn't always mean the end. Mum had a new lease of life when she had her transplant I couldn't keep up with her lol

                  Sorry for the rant some FMIL do my box in

                  PS if she still bangs on i'll come over and sort her out for you lmao

                  #39 Alyssa

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                    Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:07 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by AprilandPatrick
                    [UPDATE]
                    At the end of the day, she said that she and FFIL will attend. She stuck to her guns about providing me a list of over a hundred people for me to send STD cards to.....all people neither of us know - whatever. We still have yet to receive this list from her, as she promised it would be in our hands 2-days ago.
                    Ok, WHAT? April, this is not her final decision - the guest list is for YOU & FI to make - sure, she can make requests but NOT demands.

                    Here is my unsolicited (lol) advice:

                    * when you get her guest list, have your FI call her back and tell her that if and when she decides to have an AHR (at her expense) you are both happy to have all of these guests invited.

                    * set a number, let's say 10 people (5 couples or whatever) and let her know that is the maximum # of additional guests you can afford to invite over the family and friends that are already on YOUR list.

                    Remember, she doesn't have to like it - you are being ocmpletely reasonable - this is not her wedding

                    this woman is so self-centered she is insane!!!!!!

                    #40 Hartyt509

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                      Posted 13 August 2008 - 02:13 PM

                      Quote:
                      Originally Posted by Alyssa
                      Ok, WHAT? April, this is not her final decision - the guest list is for YOU & FI to make - sure, she can make requests but NOT demands.

                      Here is my unsolicited (lol) advice:

                      * when you get her guest list, have your FI call her back and tell her that if and when she decides to have an AHR (at her expense) you are both happy to have all of these guests invited.

                      * set a number, let's say 10 people (5 couples or whatever) and let her know that is the maximum # of additional guests you can afford to invite over the family and friends that are already on YOUR list.

                      Remember, she doesn't have to like it - you are being ocmpletely reasonable - this is not her wedding

                      this woman is so self-centered she is insane!!!!!!
                      LOL see April Alyssa is much more elaquent than me i'd just tell her to fuck off lol




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