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Bridesmaid Issues??

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#21 Kat81

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    Posted 30 July 2008 - 05:02 PM

    Originally Posted by 2bebridejamaica
    Awww Kathi I LUV U!! It has been nuts and I just don't get it. This really was a learning process because I realize that all the "GF's" I did have .. well they just wanted to mooch of Jay and I for things and we gave because we could.

    So when we talk about our <bold>FABULOUS</bold> plans because we are the bride and damn it we are allowed ... I just smile and forget about the people that can be rude and try to bring you down!!!

    Originally Posted by Hartyt509
    My dad reckons that when I was about 1 yr or so,walking anyway lol, mum put me in a pink dress then put me to play and went upstairs lol

    Dad said the dress was disgusting and so he was watching me and as soon as mum was out of sight the dress came off and i was trying to get the dog to pee on it lmao He didn't stop me lmfao
    I'm so sorry your friend is being that way. I definitely had a similar situation. Get this: My best friend and MOH started acting weird and distant about anything to do with the wedding the moment I asked her to be my MOH. She wasn't happy at all and every time an event came up such as my shower and bachelorette party, she griped about money and made all the other bridesmaids feel bad about spending money. Long story short I asked her what was going on and told her that I didn't want her to spend ANY money on anything if she couldn't or didn't want to.

    She tells me that she is reading a new book on Consumerism in America and how we need to fight against it and everything to do with my wedding is against her book. She said she is happy for my marriage but not my wedding and said she couldn't be happy for my wedding.

    This was supposed to be my best friend. When I asked her to step down as MOH and just be a bridesmaid, she withdrew from the wedding all together and canceled her trip 2 months before the wedding which is September 20th!!

    She also said we had gone in different directions and that we had fulfilled our purpose in each others lives. WTF
    I am soooo sorry that you are going through this!!! A similar thing just occurred to me today... one of my closest friends and bm just told me today that she would only be in the wedding if I could promise that what happened (a huge fight) to us on a previous vacation wouldn't happen again...

    Now I have been gathering information that others had been saying and I had the impression that she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore and that it was causing more stress in her life and she was just hanging on to not hurt my feelings. So I had a conversation with her about 3 weeks ago telling her not to feel obligated and that while I would be disappointed I wouldn't be mad if she felt like she could no longer fulfill her duties as a bm. And she insisted that it wasn't that at all.... So come to find out today that only her and her youngest daughter (our flowergirl) will be attending. That's fine it saves me about $1200 on their accommodations but I am disappointed that the whole family can't make it but I do understand...

    I would have that same conversation with her... tell her that you DO need a cut off as to what her plans are... It seems that NO matter HOW LONG of time you give them to make their plans and save money....if it's not a priority to them then they will put it off as long as they want. It's upsetting and hurtful because these are people you consider to be close to you and you've asked them to be by your side on one the most important days of your lives and they don't seem to care....

    Just be considerate and thoughtful in choice of words, while you are angry and hurt you don't risk another friendship over it. I think it's true what they say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.
    Is that the same girl that had you take her engagement photos?

    #22 Dbld78

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      Posted 30 July 2008 - 05:12 PM

      Originally Posted by Kat81
      Is that the same girl that had you take her engagement photos?
      NOOOO..... I didn't ask her to be a bm, because of differences we've been having over the last year or so. Thank GOD because she's not even coming. It's funny you mentioned her because I just told my mom that if she and my other "BF" from high school don't show up to my shower I am writing them off...

      #23 Kits55

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      Posted 30 July 2008 - 05:27 PM

      Originally Posted by 2bebridejamaica
      Oh Honey I am sooo sorry for you!! But I also was in this same boat. I started with 4 and now .. I am down to a "maybe" 1! Everyone has backed out for random reasons and I even lost a complete friendship because of it. She snapped at me because since she decided she couldn't go that if I talked to her still about my plans.. I was being the BI**H.. Then another got into an abroad program for college even though she knew it was going to change everything. And now my last (maybe).. well she has been really hard to get a hold of .. super distant and mentioned maybe she just can't handle things right now. I understand she has alot going on.

      Soooo needless to say... I have cried my eyes out.. been pissed at the world and even blew up at them a bit. They agreed to be with me.. and now.. I feel as if I got the short end of the stick. However in the past 2 weeks or so, I have come to the conclusion that I don't need to worry about them only Jay and myself and it will all work out. It's our day and not theirs.
      2bebride: that's horrible. I can't even imagine that! Hopefully now you won't have as much stress trying to keep them on track, but i'm sorry for you that it cost you a friendship. I guess maybe she wasn't as much of a friend to you as you were to her; but at least now you know.

      #24 kevsgirl

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        Posted 30 July 2008 - 08:59 PM

        Originally Posted by futuremrsjones
        She tells me that she is reading a new book on Consumerism in America and how we need to fight against it and everything to do with my wedding is against her book. She said she is happy for my marriage but not my wedding and said she couldn't be happy for my wedding.

        Turns out, she is planning her own destination wedding in March 09 and she resented me for certain things I am able to have in my wedding that she can't afford. What a friend huh!!!
        That's just priceless, futuremrsjones, What a hypocrite!

        Re: original post: I am sorry for what you're experiencing with your 'friend'. I don't know why people get so wishy-washy when they don't want to do something. I don't know why it's so hard to just say no.

        I'm stealing myself for FI's brother to say he's not goign to come with his wife and their kid too. How hard is it to just commit?

        And one of my oldest friends pulled a really bad one on another friend of ours for the wedding I just went to in Halifax: she kept saying "I still hope I'll be able to come" up to one day before we flew to Halifax. I mean, just suck it up and say you're not coming!!! She had nearly a year to save up and blew all her money on boozing and going to shows. We all saw it coming too. I'm just waiting for her to say no to mine OR do the same thing. Whatever. she and I are on our way out as friends lately anyway.

        SO sad how weird people are about weddings... especially when they're in freaking beautiful places and you can holiday at the same time...

        #25 sunset78

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          Posted 31 July 2008 - 10:47 AM

          Ugh, that's horrible that these people have/are doing that.

          I had a cousin that married in DR, and one of the BM said on the day of the flight she couldn't afford to go... so my Aunt paid for her flight and hotel....

          I'm hoping that I don't go through with this... but I have a strange feeling I will. I asked my best friend to be my MOH, but said I will understand and not be hurt if she can't. I also said that we will pay for half the cost of the flight and hotel. Anyways, she said she'd be there no matter what. Apparently, right now, she is going to financial hardship... she quit her job (she has a new job), had to cancel cable/internet, and complains about lack of money... Ugh... this is not off to a good start. And I still tell her, to please let me know if she can not attend, but she keeps telling she will be.

          #26 NJ_bride

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            Posted 31 July 2008 - 12:55 PM

            Piece of advice...get rid of them now! I just wish I could ditch my MOH! She is FH's sister, was also my friend and hasn't even called, emailed, or text me in over a month! My shower is 1 month away completely paid for and organized by my other bridesmaid! (Who really deserves a metal or something!)

            I think MOH, she just wants the MOH title and free room, she didn't even go to pick out their dresses! I hate obligation, family, etc. Having a destination wedding really shows you who cares and who doesn't. FH said it best, on wedding day look around you, whomever is there and you can still bear to look at is who matters in life, write the rest off, live happily ever after!

            #27 jenluvsmike

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              Posted 02 August 2008 - 09:17 AM

              I feel for all of you having issues! It's so terrible how people can be when we are trying to celebrate such an amazing time in our lives (and want to include people we think are important to us)!

              I currently don't have issues quite like all yours, but I do have something to talk about! My MOH is my sister and my BM is my brother's girlfriend (we've been close for a while now). Well...they broke up on Wednesday, after 5 years together!!! My brother is depressed and hurting, so I have to be there for him. But, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, "What the hell am I going to do now?"

              He's thinking that she might come back (although I don't agree with him taking her back), which puts me in a situation where I can't do anything until I know what's definitely happening with them for sure. Meaning, I have a back up plan for my BM, but I can't act on it until I know that she is for sure not going back to him, right? FH and I both decided that we'll wait a little while and when everything is for sure, if she doesn't wake up, then we'll have to 'uninvite' her - I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable at the wedding.

              ahhhh!!! So, now that I write it out, maybe it is a little more serious than I thought!!!

              #28 kevsgirl

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                Posted 02 August 2008 - 09:40 AM

                Oh no, JenlovesMike - that's horrible!

                I think she should contact you if she knows that it's really over. She won't still come as it would be obviously weird.

                Why don't you just tell her that it's ok, you feel so sad for both of them and thank her for agreeing, but just say you've decided to go without a BM. And just go without one.
                You have your MOH. That's enough, right?

                #29 jenluvsmike

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                  Posted 02 August 2008 - 01:47 PM

                  I hope she contacts me soon. My poor brother is upside down, not knowing what she wants. (And it's so hard for me not to be that "overprotecting older sister" - I keep trying to stay positive and just support him however I can!!) Unfortunately, I think it's very safe to say that it IS going to be way too weird with her coming down. I don't think she'll do it anyway.

                  I have my MOH (my sis), but then FH has his brother for his BM and my brother for a GM, so things will be uneven...not that it REALLY matters. What do you think? Go without a BM or ask my really close girlfriend?

                  #30 foxytv

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                    Posted 02 August 2008 - 01:50 PM

                    I wish I had asked one of my BM's to step down, but I didn't b/c she had already bought her dress. I haven't spoken to her since the DW and she was a PITA the whole time. So, that being said, tell your friend to come if she can, but you have enough to deal with, and those who don't understand that don't need to be involved so closely. I know I am harsh, but I am looking back in hindsight and wish I had been more stern.

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