How to Avoid a Mother in Law Freak Out
Posted 10 July 2008 - 08:55 PM
Posted 10 July 2008 - 09:19 PM
I almost died one day we were all at a family event and she stands up and announces that everyone is invited to our wedding. Oh man, did FI ever tell her off for that!!!
His family is getting the short end of the stick for our DW. It's not because we don't like them, but there are too many of them, most of them can't afford it and FI isn't that close to any of them. On my side, my mom's side is getting the most invitations, my dad's side has none. That's because I honestly don't know any of my aunts and uncles on my dad's side, but I do know and really care for my mom's family. My dad seems fine with that.
My best advice is that you and FI are very very clear on exactly what your plans are (list, location, etc.) before entering into any discussions with FMIL. Otherwise, it sounds like she will dictate the wedding and you don't want to go there.
Mine tried to get me to change the location and date several times over and tried to guilt me into inviting all of FIs family on both sides, and that would have been over 50 people.
Everything that is a discussion should only be with you and FI. That is guest list, location, date, etc. Obviously you want to make sure people can make the date you choose, but we even got backfired on that one too, because at the last minute, FMIL decided she and FFIL couldn't make our date and we ended up moving it earlier.
Give them an inch and they'll take a mile.
Once you and FI are completely agreed together on your plan of attack, then quietly ask him to talk to her and tell her exactly what's going to happen. If you aren't inviting her twin, he should tell his mom that it's because you really don't know her and you want to only have people who are very close to you at the wedding.
Posted 10 July 2008 - 09:47 PM
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 11:52 PM
Posted 10 July 2008 - 11:57 PM
With the state of the current situation, I would def invite the twin. There is no guarantee she will be there, but you've made the gesture & calmed some nerves.
Posted 11 July 2008 - 11:19 AM
hartyt i really loved your opinion, it totally matched up with what i'd really like to do and how i think!
LC Rachel i'm really glad that you kind of reminded me to "walk in someone elses's shoes" and so did everyone else. the thing is that the drama that will happen with his mom and her twin not being invited is really only the tip of the drama iceberg. If ALL of his aunts come (all 3 sisters, plus his mom) i can't even tell you of the drama that will be at my wedding. regardless of the occasion there is always constant whining, complaining, bitching and side taking that go on when they are together.
When FI spoke to his mom about it and basically said that she didn't care how pissed off her other two sisters would be at her, she still wants her twin to come that badly. I am comforted by hearing how many of you invited way over the amount of people you wanted to have there, that makes me feel better. Though one of the resorts i'm looking at having our wedding at, The Royale Playa del Carmen has a wedding package that is $6,875 for UP TO 20 guests. so what do i do with everyone else? Yesterday after talking to a couple of friends here's what we came up with:
have his parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and invite everyone that's already arrived to it
invite more than just the 20 people we really want to be there (some friends i've had to cut from our list) and we have can more people at our ceremony.
Have only our closest 20 people (NOT FMIL's twin) at our actual cocktail hour and reception. During our actual reception we can tell the rest of the people from the ceremony that there is an informal gathering (they'll be paying for themselves) at a nearby bar/restaurant/lounge or whatever that we'll be stopping by to thank people for coming.
Invite everyone to a farewell but have people pay for themselves at that too.
a lot my guests say a big "hell no" to planned group activities but i know that i'll be doing some anyways so i think i'll leave an open ended invite to those for anyone to join. My friends that i talked to, want to be the people at the informal gathering. They said that as long as i'm up front with people before sending them actual invites and they know the deal up front then they'd be fine with it.
how does that sound to everyone?
Posted 11 July 2008 - 11:25 AM
Posted 11 July 2008 - 11:29 AM
I think that would be awkward for you guys and your guests.
Is there anyway that you can just not have a rehearsal dinner and your fi's parents can pay for the extra people at the reception instead?
Posted 11 July 2008 - 01:34 PM
I know a lot of my friends have asked if they HAD to stay for the reception because its their holiday and there happens to be a wedding at that resort lol if they are like that then they'll be happy enough.
You'll get flak no matter what you decide so do what is the best and easiest for YOU and if FMIL starts tell her to go screw herself lol from what you've said you don't want the twin there so don't invite her lol
Posted 24 July 2008 - 03:37 PM
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