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Guest Woes.... HELP!

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24 replies to this topic

#1 Amarillis

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    Posted 08 July 2008 - 09:42 AM

    Ok Ladies, I really need all of you out there to lend an ear and some thoughts. I'll try not to ramble...

    When we did our guest list for the wedding FI and I created ours, and asked our parents to do the same. This process was quite smooth.

    When I reviewed my mother's list, I questioned the fact that she had added a long time friend of hers 'Anne' to the list. I questioned her because Anne is notoriously a pain in the keister, and is unstable. My mother avoids her on many occasions. However, my mother is just too nice and lets Anne walk all over her - out of guilt/sadness toward the fact that 10 years ago Anne suddenly lost her husband to cancer.

    Anne drives our whole family nuts, and no one really likes to put up with her - with the exception of my mom. Recently Anne and my mother had a bit of a falling out over the amount of attention my mother gives to her. Silly really, these are older, retired, mature women. But of course, my mom gave in and they are back on the up and up...

    My mom said she tried to talk to Anne and tell her not to come. My mom detailed that she'll be really busy for the first week, with the wedding - and won't have much time to spend with Anne - to that Anne replied "we'll have lots of time in our second week there!" - My mom freaked - she and my dad are celebrating their 35 wedding anniversary and are planning to spend that week together! - she further explained that to Anne, who replied - "that sounds great, are we going to go to Havana?" AHHHHHH

    My mother then came to me and asked that we call the TA and request to her that she does not allow Anne to book for our wedding in Cuba.

    OK this is where it gets complicated.

    TA says that she has difficulty in doing this - and I COMPLETELY understand this, but she says we'll monitor the situation, and she'll give me the heads up if Anne tries to book...

    Low and behold - ANNE CALLED THE TA Looking to book for 2 weeks! WOW!

    So, the TA called me and said that I really had to deal with it on my end, and that she would try to avoid Anne - but she needs to call her back to maintain her own professionalism (which I completely understand) But I need to divert her booking.

    I just got off the phone with my mom, and she is adamant that Anne not come to Cuba - and that she'll single handedly ruin thier 35 wedding anniversary celebrations, and not to mention possibly MY wedding.

    So.. the ball is in my court, and I need to do something.... I just don't know what that is.....


    #2 Bianca

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      Posted 08 July 2008 - 09:49 AM

      oh goodness... That is just a tough situation! At this point, someone just needs to be a bitch and tell Anne something! Did she receive an invite? Could you tell her its an intimate event? Elope? Someone is going to get hurt whatever you do. You just need to get it taken care of. I would even hand it off to your mom. If she put her on the list and then decided against it... Its her fault this is happening.
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      #3 *Heather*


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        Posted 08 July 2008 - 09:52 AM

        Wow, this is a toughie. I agree though, it seems to be your mom's doing, so maybe she should handle this. Can she tell her that you guys decided to cut way back on the guest list? That you went over your budget and realized you couldn't afford to have so many people?

        #4 Kathie

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          Posted 08 July 2008 - 10:04 AM

          Yikes! I agree with both ladies. Hand it to your mom and she can gently tell her that the wedding list has been cut down to fit your budget.

          Is there any chance Anne will find out the truth? If that's the case then just tell it like it is. If not and she finds out it could blow up and be really bad.

          #5 starchild



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            Posted 08 July 2008 - 10:15 AM

            I agree, your mom needs to handle her friend. All your mom has to tell her is that this is your intimate wedding and that you & FI have a strict guest list/limit. She can't just invite herself.

            Your poor TA, someone better talk to Anne soon! Good luck :)

            #6 nikkianddean

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              Posted 08 July 2008 - 10:41 AM

              Your mom should definitely be the one to talk to anne. Poor TA!!!

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              #7 beachbride09

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                Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:00 AM

                Ouch! Toughie!

                But, I would suggest your Mom, or yourself, inform Anne that the event is a 'private ceremony' and leave it there - I would hope she would get the hint.
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                #8 Kat81

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                  Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:06 AM

                  I agree. It is your Mom that needs to address this. It is her friend and her that doesn't want to spend the time with her.

                  #9 becks



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                    Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:16 AM

                    whatever happens, it's not going to go well.

                    Your mother shouldn't have had her on the list in the first place. But since she was, it's your mom's job to handle it. There's no nice way to tell her that she's invited but not welcome. And if you do, the relationship will likely be at an end.

                    You can try the "scaled back" wedding story, but if she finds out that's not true, you're back to where you started.

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                    #10 Yari

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                      Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:19 AM

                      I agree with all the ladies on this one. Your mom needs to handle this. You don't need the stress. I know it's easier said than done, but push it back on her.

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