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1elephant

dh and new job vent - help!

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You will get used to it I promise.

 

FI is in the army so when he is home, which can be once a month for 2 nights I feel myself having to try and not have a go at him.

 

He gets home about 11.30 on a Friday night and is gone by 12 on a sunday and he is wrecked and a total misery sometimes, but like I said you do get used to it.

 

It doesn't help when I'm off work tho because I think "stop being lazy and do what I ask you for once" lol everyone gets it when their partners work either long hours or away all the time. You are so not alone.

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You just described me and my fi's relationship. He goes to work at 4 am and when he gets home i'm at work. When i get home from work we see each other for about an hr and then he goes upstairs to bed. He's usually half asleep so we don't have any long conversations. I usually dinner by myself. And i don't even bother to ask him to do anything, i got tired of the i don't feel like it right now excuse.

 

I'm getting used to it now. And we make the most of our weekends.

 

I've actually been able to workout more and eat healthier because of it. And when he's upstairs sleeping i've been working on wedding projects. I'm hoping his work hires him some help so he can go back on a normal schedule.

 

It must be hard having your summer off and him having to work such long hrs. that would definately drive me crazy too.

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i think you should attempt to be supportive of the new job since he likes it and not give him too hard of a time w/ it. many wives are away from their hubby's deployed over seas while fighting for our country for months and months at a time so be thankful that he is safe at home. just take advantage of the time you can spend together on the weekends or have dinner made for him when he gets home so you can just focus on eachother and enjoy the time you can spend together. if he is in bed at 10...curl up next to him and watch some tv. atleast you can snuggle while he sleeps =)

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I'm with everyone else. Give it some time. You'll adjust and learn how to have normal lives.

 

FI and I are both on a 5:45 AM train into NYC, and one of us is invariably leaving the office later than the other. We do commute together in the mornings, though, so we have that time. Of course, one of us usually nods off.

 

But make the best of it. Learn not to ask him to get things done in the evenings until he's used to his new schedule. Instead, take that time to be together. Watch some TV, play checkers, whatever. Save the to do list until the weekends. I know you're home now and wanting to get things done, but for now just suck it up. Plenty of time on the weekends to get that stuff done. Just keep lists of what you need and march thru them until they are done.

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lauren that sucks royally sad.gif doug and i get so snippity with each other when we dont see each other enough, so i can only imagine what its like for you! sad.gif

 

i agree with jessica, give it some more time (well, like you have a choice! but anyways....) and try to complain to us instead of him. its s good thing he likes the job, so try to focus on that and not on the stress part of it. once he gets settled into the idea and transition of a new job he will remember that his lovely wife is patiently waiting for him to pay attention to her!

{{{HUGS}}}

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Lauren,

 

that is really tough! When FI and i first started dating he was working full time and finishing his master's degree - can you say "no free time?" lol.

 

anyway, i think what i hear you saying is that you want to see HIM making an effort or caring about it? is that right?

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Welcome to my world! I commute 3 1/2 hours every day to and from NYC. I've been doing it for a year, so I've adjusted to the schedule, but I was exhausted for the first month or so. Eventually he'll get used to it. Just be patient, even though it totally sucks.

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I just think he is going to need some time to adjust to the hours. I had been working from home for almost 2 years then I was out of work for 6 months. I started my new job 2 months ago and I am just now getting use to hours. I was having to go to bed at 10pm and getting up at 4am (I go to the gym before work). So give him a month or so to adjust. If after that time he is doing the same thing you guys will need to sit down and talk about how it is affecting you.

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That sucks Lauren! I think its definitely compounded by the fact that you are home right now and will probably ease up a bit when school starts and he adjusts to the new schedule. Commuting in and out of NYC is tough from anywhere in NJ. I used to commute from Fort Lee (right over the GWB) and it took 90 minutes to get to work - an hour to just get into the city! He'll adjust a bit better as he gets used to the commute, which will give you 2 a little more time together.

 

I'm on the other side of this. I work shifts and they fluctuate between days, evenings and nights. I only work 15-16 shifts a month, but my DH works a 9-5 job, so it sucks when I work 3-11p or 5p-3a. He eats alone a lot, and does a lot around the house when I'm not around. We've definitely had fights because he feels like I'm never here and when I am, I sometimes really want to just relax... but he's had a million projects planned for when I am finally home.

 

Its hard, but you do adjust. Try to be patient with him and realize that he's working a really long day. I know that is easier said than done, but hang in there and know that you can ALWAYS vent to us!

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Lauren, since you aren't working this summer try adjusting your schedule to his for a while. Get up early when he does and get whatever you want done for the day before he gets home. Have dinner ready when he gets home and then just spend time together - don't worry about dishes or anything else. Go to bed when he does and spend more time cuddling, etc. When you only have a few hours a day to be a couple, it's really important to make those hours count. Enjoy those days off together, too.

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