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MelissaH

Last name confusion!

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I need some serious advice...

This has been weighing on my mind since before we got engaged (so about a year now) and now it's getting down to crunch time and I don't know what to do...

 

I don't know whether to keep my last name or take my FH's last name!

 

- For one, I LIKE my last name - I've had it for 24 years, it suits me, and it's mine, ya know?? It's just a part of who I am!

- Secondly, I don't like the sound of his last name with my first name - it just sounds weird.

- Thirdly, hyphenating our two names just sounds ridiculous.

-And last, but not least, his last name doesn't even mean anything to him (according to him!). He knows no one on his dad's side of the family and his dad hasn't been a part of his life since he was young and he has no desire to welcome his dad back into his life.

 

He says it wouldn't offend him if I didn't take his last name, but I think I'd end up feeling really guilty about it. Help me girls! I have a month to make up my mind!! What would you do? :

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You have forever to make up your mind :)

 

I like having the same last name as it helps relative to administrative things. Also, it kinda makes me feel a bit more family.

 

However, I totally understand all of the issues above. I'm going to add to it:

-It's a PITA! I'm still filling out forms.

 

I have kept my name professionally - I do too much work in the press so I need to. There's nothing that says that you have to change your name right after you get married. You can at any time if you think it will be easier or something that you want to do.

 

For now - no guilt - keep your own if that suits you.

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I have the same problem!!! (except he wants we to tak his last name) He keep trying to find a way to keep mine though too. Have you thought of making your maiden name a middle name and using his last name as your last name, that way you get both.

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I have this issue too - my fiance doesn't care, but I want the "administrative" stuff to be easier like Natasha said. I also have the problem of being known professionally with my maiden name. I'm thinking of doing exactly what Rebecca said and use my maiden name as a "middle" name. I agree with the hyphenated names being a little too much (no offense to anyone who's done this) - you might not be able to fit your name in some forms if it gets too long!

 

Maybe he'd take your last name since his doesn't mean anything to him? Then you could keep yours but still have the same last name :o)

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachlover View Post
Have you thought of making your maiden name a middle name and using his last name as your last name, that way you get both.
That's what I decided to do. There are only like 12 people in the U.S. with my last name (yes we've researched this, lol) so it was important to me that I keep it, but I want to have the same last name as my husband and kids one day. I think it's a lovely compromise. But if he is okay with you not taking his name then keep yours. There's nothing wrong with that!

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I had some friends that were in the same situation, and they thought about coming up w/a new last name, and both changing. In the end, they didn't do that - and it doesn't take care of all of your concerns, but it's an idea.

 

I will definitely be keeping my maiden name as a 2nd middle name this time around.

 

I am still changing back to my maiden name from my first marriage - it's a PITA, no doubt.

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I have been struggling with this for so long, my Fiance is adament I change my name and not hyphenate it. My first name is 9 letters long, and my last name is 8, so adding a hyphen plus another 4 would be very silly as I am a teacher so that makes it difficult for students. So the compromise I have come up with is taking my last name as my second middle name (my middle name is my dad's name, so I can't lose that either)

I think when I look back in 20 years and have had my husbands and childrens name I will not regret it but I really love my maiden name too.

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Have you asked him about taking your last name? Not many men will do that, they have to be really really secure with themselves to do that, but it would be amazing if he did.

 

I am changing my last name, I have no issues with it. But that is because my dad died when I was really little and I have no contact with his family, so, in a sense, my name does not mean much to me either.

 

Maybe you should not decide right away, wait a year, keep your last name and then decide if you want to change it, you can do that at any time, it does not have to happen right after you get married.

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I've been struggling with this as well. I'm very attached to my last name and my name is well known in the area I work & live, which is sometimes important. But I have decided that in some form I will take his name because it is important to him. So I will either hyphenate or use my last name as my middle name. The other twist to this is that our daughter has my last name too, so I have to discuss this with her too, to see how she feels about changing her name.

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I grew up with a different last name than my mother, and it was never a big deal. My mom changed her name back to her maiden name after she divorced my father. So if she doesn't want to change it - you can make it work!

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