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My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...


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#51 nikkianddean

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    Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:05 PM

    Oh Dez, this is so unfair. It sounds like you have tried to be very supportive and it's terrible you are strating to feel this way about the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you think there is any chance he will get back on his medication properly? It sounds like from what you & Karma are saying that he will not be reasonable and able to discuss this fairly until he's taking his pills again...

    I really am sorry you are going thru this...
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    #52 Hartyt509

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      Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:06 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by Dez921714
      I love how blunt you are and you always make me laugh lol :)
      Lmao glad I could

      #53 Dez921714

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        Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:12 PM

        Quote:
        Originally Posted by nikkianddean
        Oh Dez, this is so unfair. It sounds like you have tried to be very supportive and it's terrible you are strating to feel this way about the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you think there is any chance he will get back on his medication properly? It sounds like from what you & Karma are saying that he will not be reasonable and able to discuss this fairly until he's taking his pills again...

        I really am sorry you are going thru this...
        By cutting them in half, he has enough for 2 months...so maybe another month and a half or so and then he HAS to make an appointent with the Psychatrist for a refill...so we will see.

        I'll give it some more time. Unlike him wanting me to change (the messyness) I know what his faults are and accept them. I love him. But there's only so much you can take even when you love the person.

        Thank you all for being here for me. I put off posting about this because I'm embarassed and stuff, but it has helped to talk about it.
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        #54 Dez921714

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          Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:14 PM

          I fwd him stuff about the DJ in Mexico (sent it to him yesterday). He just checked his email and tried talking to me about it LOL

          You GOT to be kidding! I guess he figured otu by my "yes" "no" answeres that I didn't really want to talk about it.
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          #55 DanielleNDerek

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            Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:14 PM

            You don't have to be embarrassed, we all have issues here lol.
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            #56 Maura

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            Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:17 PM

            girl, dont be embarassed - everybody has issues. all humans are vulnerable! if it helps to get it off your chest, im glad we're here for you to listen.

            #57 Hartyt509

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              Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:20 PM

              Chick you haven't got issues - they are mere blips - if you want issues I have a life that Jerry Springer would love lmfao

              #58 TammyB

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                Posted 26 June 2008 - 03:43 PM

                OK.. IMO I think you both have underlining issues you need to work on. If you are unhappy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else? It's clear to me that he needs back on his meds, but harping on him isn't going to get that to happen, maybe sit down with him and say "If you do this, I'll try to pick up more" Marriage is about working together, use this as a learning tool. I think on some level your unhappy with yourself because you gained that weight back, and trust me I know when you sad or depressed you just want to eat, but you need to take care of yourself first, hopefully he will see this and also want to change.

                Also, maybe I'm wrong but is their money problems as well? We all know how most men are, you say you want a DJ and all they see is dollar signs.. If their is a money issue then that could be a big part to why he is acting this way.

                #59 EricaG

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                  Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:00 PM

                  You are not alone around here. FI and I fight more than either one of us would like to. Our biggest problem is communication. He never wants to talk about stuff unless I get to the point that I am done trying to talk and ready to just leave. Suddenly, he wants to talk!!!

                  One big thing that effects our communication other than he being male and I being a female is the way we were brought up. With me growing up most of my life with my Mom as the sole provider, and FI growing up in a home where his Mom had to ask permission to fart (the fart comment is exaggerated, but I want you to get the idea - no man vs THE MAN!!!) We have seen a counsellor a couple times over the years, and it has helped, although I think we should totally make another appointment, because after awhile, you need a refresher.

                  Hopefully your FI will realize that his meds are important is his happiness as well as your happiness together, and the therapist will be able to help him out a bit when he goes for a refill.

                  From my own experience, try and find common ground to sit down and talk, even if it is a little bit at a time, and try to avoid all wedding stuff for a bit. You can't expect everything to be worked out overnight, and of course it is an ongoing task. Don't leave for a few days, this doesn't help. If you need a few hours or an afternoon or something to think, go for it. Take a walk or go to the park or whatever you can do that will allow you to calm down and think on your own before you both try and talk whenyou are both worked up and frustrated to start with.
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                  #60 KarmaB

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                    Posted 26 June 2008 - 04:18 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by TammyB
                    OK.. IMO I think you both have underlining issues you need to work on. If you are unhappy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else? It's clear to me that he needs back on his meds, but harping on him isn't going to get that to happen, maybe sit down with him and say "If you do this, I'll try to pick up more" Marriage is about working together, use this as a learning tool. I think on some level your unhappy with yourself because you gained that weight back, and trust me I know when you sad or depressed you just want to eat, but you need to take care of yourself first, hopefully he will see this and also want to change.

                    Also, maybe I'm wrong but is their money problems as well? We all know how most men are, you say you want a DJ and all they see is dollar signs.. If their is a money issue then that could be a big part to why he is acting this way.
                    Very well said, Tammy. I couldn't agree more.

                    You know we are all here for you Dez!




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