My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...
Posted 07 July 2008 - 10:20 AM
I wanted to say that great partnerships do not just happen; they take work, life-long commitment, a responsibility to build up your mate and not ever tear them down, and a willingness to talk about your differences, even if that sometimes means talking about why you are unable to talk. There is no greater joy than being in a relationship like this, and no greater pain than trying to achieve this when only one person is trying. You can't make someone love you like you love them - it has to be a gift from them.
Hopefully, with counseling and lots of talking, you and FI can have the laughs, memories and relationship that you desire. You deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and love; don't ever settle for anything less. Our prayers are with you as you begin to work, hopefully together, through this roadblock. There will be many hard times in your lives together, and you will need to learn quickly how to negotiate them together if you are to be truly happy.
We are here for you; we care for you and want the best for you. We'll do whatever it takes to help - just ask.
Posted 07 July 2008 - 10:49 AM
Best of luck. We are here if you need us.
Posted 07 July 2008 - 01:24 PM
Posted 07 July 2008 - 01:36 PM
I am glad he said sorry in his own way.
As long as you are happy, I am happy.
Posted 07 July 2008 - 02:10 PM
Posted 07 July 2008 - 02:14 PM
I agree with was has been said so far and that it is a great idea for you to seek some counseling for you.
I would also suggest writing him a letter (or novel) detailing what YOU feel is wrong in your relationship, how he makes you feel, and how hard this past week was on you.
DH and I had a lot of problems right before we got engaged, basically a fish or cut bait situation. I wrote him "the Mean Letter" that he still refers to, going on 2 years later. It really helped us because I am a festerer and never told him my feelings. He is from a yelling family and I learned that I have to yell to get him to hear what I am saying. It might be brutal but is does get things out into the open. I'll e-mail you a copy of my letter if you want. Even if you don't send it/give it to him, I promise you will feel better.
Good luck, in whatever you decide to do. Big Hugs!
Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:28 AM
Remember that you deserve to be treated equal, and don't settle for anything less ;o)
Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:30 AM
Although it's nice you are trying to work it out, I would STRONGLY advise that you make some steps in setting ground rules. Your FI should not get comfortable in treating you that way and you have to make it known that while you forgive him, you will not tolerate it in the future- and stick to it! Otherwise, I'm afraid you might find yourself in a perpetual cycle and he will continue to be disrespectful because he knows he can.
Honestly- I can't recommend the book Boundaries in Marriage enough. I would send you my own copy, but I have no idea where it is after I moved. I still have a zillion boxes in the garage so I'm guessing it's out there somewhere!
Take care and keep us updated!
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