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My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...

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169 replies to this topic

#151 MelanieS

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    Posted 07 July 2008 - 10:20 AM

    Dez, we were all concerned about you this weekend and hoping for the best.

    I wanted to say that great partnerships do not just happen; they take work, life-long commitment, a responsibility to build up your mate and not ever tear them down, and a willingness to talk about your differences, even if that sometimes means talking about why you are unable to talk. There is no greater joy than being in a relationship like this, and no greater pain than trying to achieve this when only one person is trying. You can't make someone love you like you love them - it has to be a gift from them.

    Hopefully, with counseling and lots of talking, you and FI can have the laughs, memories and relationship that you desire. You deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and love; don't ever settle for anything less. Our prayers are with you as you begin to work, hopefully together, through this roadblock. There will be many hard times in your lives together, and you will need to learn quickly how to negotiate them together if you are to be truly happy.

    We are here for you; we care for you and want the best for you. We'll do whatever it takes to help - just ask.

    #152 Kelly C

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      Posted 07 July 2008 - 10:49 AM

      Dez, I have been thinking about you all weekend. I'm glad to hear that he finally came to his senses. I also agree that therapy would be good for you and hopefully you can get him to come along.
      Best of luck. We are here if you need us.
      Kerrington Danielle was born 6/23/09 12:31 pm 7lbs 14oz.


      #153 EricaG

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        Posted 07 July 2008 - 01:24 PM

        Hey there Dez. I was wondering how things went over the weekend. I am glad to hear that things went well, but I am really glad that you have still decided to go for counselling on your own. Maybe once your FI sees you going and seeing the changes in you from going, he will decide to give it a try as well.
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        #154 Yari

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          Posted 07 July 2008 - 01:36 PM

          I too have been thinking about you all weekend.

          I am glad he said sorry in his own way.

          As long as you are happy, I am happy.

          #155 KLC77

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            Posted 07 July 2008 - 02:10 PM

            So glad to hear that things are looking up. Hopefully they just continue to get better. I agree that going to the therapist on your own would still be a good thing right now. Hope you're having a good Monday!

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            #156 ErinB


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              Posted 07 July 2008 - 02:14 PM

              Hey Dez - I just got caught up on your weekend from hell. I'm so sorry you had to go through that!

              I agree with was has been said so far and that it is a great idea for you to seek some counseling for you.

              I would also suggest writing him a letter (or novel) detailing what YOU feel is wrong in your relationship, how he makes you feel, and how hard this past week was on you.

              DH and I had a lot of problems right before we got engaged, basically a fish or cut bait situation. I wrote him "the Mean Letter" that he still refers to, going on 2 years later. It really helped us because I am a festerer and never told him my feelings. He is from a yelling family and I learned that I have to yell to get him to hear what I am saying. It might be brutal but is does get things out into the open. I'll e-mail you a copy of my letter if you want. Even if you don't send it/give it to him, I promise you will feel better.

              Good luck, in whatever you decide to do. Big Hugs!

              #157 Hartyt509

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                Posted 07 July 2008 - 02:18 PM

                I'm so pleased that he's starting to realise that he was acting like a total knob and that he is trying to do something about it.

                I still want to bray him tho for treating you like that

                #158 NewOrleansbride

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                  Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:08 AM

                  I'm so happy to hear that everything worked out!

                  #159 Jacqueline

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                    Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:28 AM

                    I hope everything works out for you guys!

                    Remember that you deserve to be treated equal, and don't settle for anything less ;o)

                    #160 jajajaja

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                      Posted 08 July 2008 - 11:30 AM

                      Oh geez- what a drama packed weekend huh?

                      Although it's nice you are trying to work it out, I would STRONGLY advise that you make some steps in setting ground rules. Your FI should not get comfortable in treating you that way and you have to make it known that while you forgive him, you will not tolerate it in the future- and stick to it! Otherwise, I'm afraid you might find yourself in a perpetual cycle and he will continue to be disrespectful because he knows he can.

                      Honestly- I can't recommend the book Boundaries in Marriage enough. I would send you my own copy, but I have no idea where it is after I moved. I still have a zillion boxes in the garage so I'm guessing it's out there somewhere!

                      Take care and keep us updated!
                      Happily married since 2008

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