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Dez921714

My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...

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i really think the best thing for you guys right now is some counseling. it seems like he is all over the place with his complaints and reasoning. can you put your wedding plans on hold for a little while you take care of your personal business?

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I haven't read what everyone else wrote yet, but I just have to say....Marriage is a HUGE step for both men and women. He may be just freaking out a little about the whole thing because it is so huge and not really having "cold feet."

 

I don't know how I would react if Jay told me he was getting cold feet. I think I would walk away and not turn around until he knew his feet were "warm" again. And, like you, I wouldn't want to be in the same house with someone that wasn't sure if they wanted to marry me.

 

Do not let the fact that people have put down deposits on your wedding stop you from thinking about your future!

 

Everyone has little bumps in the road...I hope this is a little one that you guys can get over together! grouphug.gif

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Hi darl, I'm so sorry your going through this but like all the other girls my FI and I have been the same although my FI is mad on cars and put most of his focus into that. I think it helps if they have something to get away from all the wedding talk, does he have any hobbies ?

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we went through this too when we first got engaged. it was more me i think, that was making us fight. it was just overwhelming to me, and i couldnt handle the stress of the wedding so i took it out on him. (poor sensitive joe) it was like a switch went off and i couldnt stand him. so weird. we originally were planning to get married this sept (we got engaged early dec so it would have been less than a year to plan) so after obvious tension between us we talked (a few times- it wasnt worked out over night) and decided that we should push it back and not take it so seriously but to have fun with it. so we are ok now, but i think its normal to go through tuff times. stress does a lot to people, and u dont even realize it.

 

someone earlier had asked if there was more to the story? only you knows that answer, so try to be honest about the relationship, and you just have to make sure this is the right thing for you two. but at the same time, you dont wana over analyze or read into it too much, b/c that when us women over react, lol. people have tuff times and again, thats normal. just as long as its a healthy relationship and you are truly happy with him, it will pass. i hope it's just a bump in the road and that you get through it. i dont know u guys personally but i do think this will pass. hug2.gif hope u feel better.

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I think counseling would be a great idea. Marriage is friggin huge. It is an incredible commitment. I was freaking out a few weeks before we moved in together and got married. It had nothing to do with my husband. I was anxious because I have been through divorce and was scared. It all worked out and getting married to Jay was the best decision of my life. No relationship is perfect. Doubts and bumps in the road are normal. Odds are this has nothing to do with you but more so with his own fears and anxiety. I think counseling could help you guys sort things out and gain some great tools for your relationship. Good Luck!!!

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I just have to say, I don't know how the cleanliness of the house correlates to feeling trapped. If that what he uses as an excuse, not only does it not make sense but it's totally a cover for something deeper.

 

I'm a total neat freak and Brian is the polar opposite. We fight about this all the time. And although it is it's own issue (ie. I don't want to spend the rest of my life picking up after him) that totally had nothing to do why I felt trapped.

 

His feelings of being trapped probably have something more to do with the fact that marriage is a huge commitment. You are legally commiting yourself to someone. If things get rough, you can't just runaway or breakup (well, you can, but it's harder to do!). If he's a very independent type of person, to him marriage may also feel like a loss of some of that independence. Wedding talk is just another reminder of all his fears about marriage. I think some type of mediated conversation (i.e marriage counselor) would benefit you a lot.

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I really agree with Alyssa & Maura on this one that counseling is a good idea for you & your FI. I am so sorry that you are having feelings like you want to leave, but you should deal with these feelings now rather than later :)

 

BIG HUG TO YOU GIRL!!

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Everyone's given great advice (i'm even taking some myself). Wedding pressure is the worst. We fight all the time constantly about it but what I've been doing lately is.. and maybe this can help for you is: Don't talk wedding. At ALL. Maybe once a week go over some things that need to be addressed but for the rest of the week.. make it about you guys, normal life like before the engagement. Maybe "wedding wedding wedding" is just annoying to him (as it is to my FI). We women tend to obsess over all of the planning not realizing they (most men) just don't care. Imagine it like football season.. most of us women can't stand 3 months of constant football nagging and talk and every sunday ruined bc they won't leave the couch. GWIM?

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. But to be honest I think this is totally normal that you guys are a little stressed right now. Steve and I have totally been through our ups and down too, in fact just a month ago we had a huge blowout about some issues but we stuck though it and communicated and now are even better than ever.

 

Every relationship is going to have arguments and disagreements. It's how you handle them that counts. I think his attempt to give you that card was his way of trying to make up with you. Not all men are great at direct communication.

 

I agree with the girls that talking to a therapist would be great. Everyone can benefit from some premarital counseling. Good luck, Sweetie. I hope you start feeling better soon!

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