Jump to content

My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 169
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Hi all. Sorry I didn't get a chance to get on here, but I wanted to update you.

 

I came home Sat morning, got myself and the dogs unpacked adn then FI and I went to breakfast. Then we came home and he was looking up Fios online to see what we'll get when it's installed and stuff. He also sent an inquiry to a company to get an estimate on decking the rest of our back yard.

 

I went to work and ended up working 2-11 insead of 2-6, but it's good since I missed a shift Thursday. I called him on my break and told him I was having a chocolate bar for dinner since I left all my cards and cash home. He said he was running out to get s omething for dinner (probably fast food) and he'd make me come home to find dinner, he'd cook something from the freezer. When I got home he was grilling chicken, had he table in the yard dried off with candles and wine glasses (mind you, this is at 11pm). I ask him "what's all this for?" his answer is "you know what it's for". I know he has a hard time saying "I'm sorry" and that's his way. Dinner was good.

 

Yesterday he got up and went fishing with his dad. I suggested we go to my parents for dinner, but he didn't like that idea. I asked if he's ever going to go back there and he said yes but not right now. Apparently he's embarassed and stuff...you don't get embarassed if you honestly don't t hink you've done anything wrong.

 

So he went fishing and I went to my parents for a little while since my sister left to go to Greece yesterday.

 

We both get home around 3 and he asks me how to access our registry on bed bath and beyond. So I tell him what to do and give him the password and he asks if it's ok to add some stuff and he wants my opinions on it. So we add some things like a mysting fan and a cooler and some other stuff for the back yard. And he tells me he figures a three month windo to have the deck built.

 

I don't think this is a normal way for a man to act when two days ago he wanted out....

 

I know he's afraid of turning into his father. Wheather he'll admit it or not, he was upset I left. At breakfast on Saturday, his eyes were all red and puffy. It was the first time in the 4 years we've been togther that I left. And I think it really bothered him that I took the dogs and all their stuff. I told him I left because he wanted space. He claimed to not have said that and I explained that one week telling me he feels traped and the next week screaming that he wants nothing to do with me, the dogs and the house all but says he needs space. He agreeded.

 

He doesn't know I told his sister. A few weeks ago we were all talking and she was saying how they fight in their family. They scream and yell and say what they need to say (even if it's mean) and then a little while later they're fine. I looked at her and told her that that's not normal and it's not ok, you need to think about what you say as most people don't just get over things. She said she knows and her husband says the same thing. But if they grew up watching their parents fight like that, then it is understandable that they fight like that.

 

I am still going to call the therapist for me. And I think I am going to tell FI that if he ever say he wants out again, not to expect me to come back, so to think before he talks.

 

Thanks for all your support! I really do apprecite it!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dez,

 

I definitely encourage you to go to Therapy and eventually go together with your FI - you can learn new ways of communication so that you don't create a household where there is yelling and silence and mind reading - you deserve an apology and right now your FI isn't capable of communicating openly and honestly...while I do think it was sweet of him to cook and set up the candles you shouldn't have to be a mind reader and say things like "i know he is sorry" "that's his way of apologizing".

 

Write these kinds of things down so you can work on them in Therapy - I also say would you be OK with your kids being treated that way? KWIM?

 

Anyway, all of these things can change and be worked on as long as you both are willing... I REALLY, REALLY hope he follows your lead back to therapy and you guys wind up in couples counseling and happily married down the line!

 

Alyssa

xoxo

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dez921714 View Post
Hi all. Sorry I didn't get a chance to get on here, but I wanted to update you.

 

I came home Sat morning, got myself and the dogs unpacked adn then FI and I went to breakfast. Then we came home and he was looking up Fios online to see what we'll get when it's installed and stuff. He also sent an inquiry to a company to get an estimate on decking the rest of our back yard.

 

I went to work and ended up working 2-11 insead of 2-6, but it's good since I missed a shift Thursday. I called him on my break and told him I was having a chocolate bar for dinner since I left all my cards and cash home. He said he was running out to get s omething for dinner (probably fast food) and he'd make me come home to find dinner, he'd cook something from the freezer. When I got home he was grilling chicken, had he table in the yard dried off with candles and wine glasses (mind you, this is at 11pm). I ask him "what's all this for?" his answer is "you know what it's for". I know he has a hard time saying "I'm sorry" and that's his way. Dinner was good.

 

Yesterday he got up and went fishing with his dad. I suggested we go to my parents for dinner, but he didn't like that idea. I asked if he's ever going to go back there and he said yes but not right now. Apparently he's embarassed and stuff...you don't get embarassed if you honestly don't t hink you've done anything wrong.

 

So he went fishing and I went to my parents for a little while since my sister left to go to Greece yesterday.

 

We both get home around 3 and he asks me how to access our registry on bed bath and beyond. So I tell him what to do and give him the password and he asks if it's ok to add some stuff and he wants my opinions on it. So we add some things like a mysting fan and a cooler and some other stuff for the back yard. And he tells me he figures a three month windo to have the deck built.

 

I don't think this is a normal way for a man to act when two days ago he wanted out....

 

I know he's afraid of turning into his father. Wheather he'll admit it or not, he was upset I left. At breakfast on Saturday, his eyes were all red and puffy. It was the first time in the 4 years we've been togther that I left. And I think it really bothered him that I took the dogs and all their stuff. I told him I left because he wanted space. He claimed to not have said that and I explained that one week telling me he feels traped and the next week screaming that he wants nothing to do with me, the dogs and the house all but says he needs space. He agreeded.

 

He doesn't know I told his sister. A few weeks ago we were all talking and she was saying how they fight in their family. They scream and yell and say what they need to say (even if it's mean) and then a little while later they're fine. I looked at her and told her that that's not normal and it's not ok, you need to think about what you say as most people don't just get over things. She said she knows and her husband says the same thing. But if they grew up watching their parents fight like that, then it is understandable that they fight like that.

 

I am still going to call the therapist for me. And I think I am going to tell FI that if he ever say he wants out again, not to expect me to come back, so to think before he talks.

 

Thanks for all your support! I really do apprecite it!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Dez,

 

You have been on my mind since Saturday. I am glad that you guys are trying to work things out, and it is wonderful that you are heading in the direction of therapy. I like what Alyssa said that "would you want your kids to be treated this way"?

 

It's funny, but that is how I see things most of the time. If someone were treating my daughter like this what would I do?

 

You are a wonderful person and deserve to be treated as such!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Dez, I'm glad you guys made up and I hope that you will both be able to work things out. Hopefully he will realize that if he's upset he needs to talk to you about it instead of threatening to leave the relationship. I wish you both the best.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • Hi everyone! I have been doing lots of research on various wedding venues all around Mexico, my fiance wants a destination wedding and I am happy to have a wedding wherever so long as the vibe is right and guests are happy!  I have been seriously looking at Cabo Azul and was trying to find potential costs for them, but only found a page about their wedding costs from 2010. Does anyone have any updated information on costs / reviews they would like to share of this venue? Or advice in general, anything helps. Thanks so much, happy wedding planning to all!
    • Hello everyone, I am dreaming of a wedding in Costa Rica and was wondering if I could get any help with venues and wedding planners. I am thinking Tamarindo because a close friend of mine lives there and I've been in town more than a couple of times, she's being helpful but is at a loss when it comes to this subject really so I was wondering if anyone here had recommendations. I am not closed to other town suggestions either, if I happen to find a good place and staff somewhere else. These are the places I have so far, has anyone had any experience with any of them?  Stay In Tamarindo Luxury Villas in Costa Rica Luxury Villas Pinilla Tropical Homes of Costa Rica The Point Luxury Villa Thank you so much for your help!
    • Have you ever considered having a wedding inside a bubble? With the current global situation, many couples are looking for unique and creative ways to celebrate their special day while keeping their guests safe. A wedding inside a bubble could provide a whimsical and intimate setting for your ceremony and reception. Imagine saying your vows surrounded by a beautiful bubble filled with twinkling lights and flowers, creating a magical atmosphere for you and your loved ones to enjoy.
    • Adult only resort or not? Let's discuss the pros and cons of choosing an adult-only resort for your honeymoon. While some couples may appreciate the peace and quiet that comes with an adults-only environment, others may prefer a more family-friendly atmosphere. What are your thoughts on this? Have you had any experiences at adult-only resorts that you'd like to share? Let's hear your opinions and recommendations!
    • When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the most exciting parts is choosing the perfect wedding favours for your guests. These small tokens of appreciation are a great way to thank your loved ones for being a part of your special day and to make them feel appreciated.
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...