Jump to content

My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...


Recommended Posts

So far it's a bit of a nightmare...dogs want to eat the cat!

 

On the bright side, FI wasn't home when I got there. So I was able to pack up some of my clothes, the dogs, the crate, their food and my wireless router (LOL) and come here.

 

My dad is afraid of the dogs (mostly Vera) so I promised they'd stay downstairs...well, Daisy is afraid of the basement, I don't know why, it's a finished basement, but maybe the steps are too steep for her. Anyway, I couldn't bribe her to go down them, so I set her crate up in my moms office (it's gonna smell like cedar chips and dog LOL) and put Vera and her pillow downstairs. I plan to take them for a long walk a little later.

 

I did get a text message from FI asking how my dad is. (bad infection in his tooth, mom took him to the hospital yesterday) and I responded with "fine" I don't know if he's home yet or not.

 

While all of this is going on, I have a friend texting me asking me wedding/resort related questions...I answered the questions and I wanted to be like "don't book just yet" but I didn't.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 169
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I agree. I think you two really need to talk now that you are both calmed down some. You need to decide where this is all going and what steps need to be taken to get it there. If you have friends and family still booking this trip to your wedding. You both need to decide if there is even a chance this wedding is still going to happen. Try to stay strong and remember you have like 500 girls on here for support.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat81 View Post
I agree. I think you two really need to talk now that you are both calmed down some. You need to decide where this is all going and what steps need to be taken to get it there. If you have friends and family still booking this trip to your wedding. You both need to decide if there is even a chance this wedding is still going to happen. Try to stay strong and remember you have like 500 girls on here for support.
LOL 500 girls for support :) I love it.

My mom told me to change the locks, but I thought it would have more of an affect on him if he came home to an empty house.

When we fight and he leaves, I'm usually the one to call him and ask him to come home or make nice. I'm gonna chill for a day or two adn see if I hear from him.

My mom thinks she saw the car drive by, but that could just be her looking for it...

I'll definately keep you updated, thanks for all the support!!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dez921714 View Post
LOL 500 girls for support :) I love it.

My mom told me to change the locks, but I thought it would have more of an affect on him if he came home to an empty house.

When we fight and he leaves, I'm usually the one to call him and ask him to come home or make nice. I'm gonna chill for a day or two adn see if I hear from him.

My mom thinks she saw the car drive by, but that could just be her looking for it...

I'll definately keep you updated, thanks for all the support!!!!
Good plan! And give those baby girls of yours some extra love from me!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry that you are going through this. At least you were able to go to your parents place to relax and think things through.

 

Honestly, after tonight, I may be going to my parents for a bit too. But that is a different story. As some people have commented, running away from the problem and the situation is not going to help, but sometimes you need to remove your self from the situation for a bit to calm down and think things through before you can sit down ans have a good, honest and effective conversation. That actually came from a counselor who also teaches anger management. I think you have tried to make things work with him, and obviously you both need a little time to think, and now is the time.

 

Good luck and hope things work out for the best, whatever it is you decide.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so shocked by all that he has done... I just don't know what to make of it.

It sounds like a lot of it has to do with his depression/anxiety. I've lived with anxiety most of my life and my sister has lived with depression most of hers. She's been medicated for 15 years or so and me for about 3.

 

I know the feeling of being trapped (not by a partner, but by life), being angry and annoyed all the time, feeling like I'm a victim. A lot of that comes from anxiety. It's not rational, but it feel so real. It comes across really badly to other people who don't understand it.

 

Ultimately though, if he's not going to be responsible for himself and getting the help he needs (therapy and medication obviously), he's not in the right part of his life to be a good partner to you.

 

And he might be hiding in this relationship too afraid to get out, leading to these kinds of outbursts. This is what my ex did (we were engaged). He was too chicken to say he needed out.

 

You can love him all you want, but if it's not working, it's not working. If it's meant to be, he'll sort his crap out and you two will make it work and be happy and have a great time of it. But he sounds like he has a lot of work to do first.

I think you two need to have a serious talk about postponing/cancelling the wedding so that you can work on yourselves individually before coming together (if that's what you both want) and working on you as a couple.

Having all that in the back of your mind is going to drive you nuts with guilt and it's so bad to be constantly reminded of what's coming up, feeling like you have a dirty secret...

 

My heart really goes out to you. I hope that this is all sorted out quickly and in a way that makes you feel good and like you're doing the right thing for you. :hug:

I've been there before and I know how painful it can be. In my case, my ex finally broke and ended it. And I'm forever grateful to him for that. I don't think I ever could have, but it's the best thing that we could have done.

I'm not saying that's your end scenario, but I do know how confusing it all can be when serious problems arise, having to do with depression. frown.gif

 

Take care of yourself and enjoy your time away from FI. Clear your head and start thinking about what you want, not what he is going to feel.

 

We're here for you!

Andrea hug2.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just got a phone call from him...I guess he JUST got home and wanted to know where the dogs were. He wanted to make sure they're safe - of course they're safe! Then insinuated that I probably thing they weren't safe there.

 

I just told him that he made it totally clear how he felt about me and them so I figured I'd give him some time apart to figure out what he wants. He was short with me on the phone and made sure I knew he was just called because he was concerned about the dogs, since he got home and there was no dog, no crate, no food. What does he thing, they packed up and went on a fishing trip?! Give me a break!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you definately need at least a few days apart. He is obviusly still wound up, and he needs time to think things through as well. One piece of advice, try not to talk to him much if at all for the next few days. If you are always talking on the phone with him, then you might as well just be at home with him. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying you can't talk to him at all, but just be aware that this is time for you two to do your own thinking and then you can get together and talk things out.

One time when I went to the city for the weekend to see a friend, FI and I a big fight before I left and he thought maybe we should take a week to figure things out, but as soon as I went to the city, he was calling non stop. I only took the phone calls in the evening so he could say goodnight to the kids, but really, he said he wanted the time to think, and instead he spent the time calling me. Arrggghhh! MEN!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Best Destination Wedding Sponsors



    Facebook Pinterest Google+ Twitter
  • Posts

    • Hi everyone! I have been doing lots of research on various wedding venues all around Mexico, my fiance wants a destination wedding and I am happy to have a wedding wherever so long as the vibe is right and guests are happy!  I have been seriously looking at Cabo Azul and was trying to find potential costs for them, but only found a page about their wedding costs from 2010. Does anyone have any updated information on costs / reviews they would like to share of this venue? Or advice in general, anything helps. Thanks so much, happy wedding planning to all!
    • Hello everyone, I am dreaming of a wedding in Costa Rica and was wondering if I could get any help with venues and wedding planners. I am thinking Tamarindo because a close friend of mine lives there and I've been in town more than a couple of times, she's being helpful but is at a loss when it comes to this subject really so I was wondering if anyone here had recommendations. I am not closed to other town suggestions either, if I happen to find a good place and staff somewhere else. These are the places I have so far, has anyone had any experience with any of them?  Stay In Tamarindo Luxury Villas in Costa Rica Luxury Villas Pinilla Tropical Homes of Costa Rica The Point Luxury Villa Thank you so much for your help!
    • Have you ever considered having a wedding inside a bubble? With the current global situation, many couples are looking for unique and creative ways to celebrate their special day while keeping their guests safe. A wedding inside a bubble could provide a whimsical and intimate setting for your ceremony and reception. Imagine saying your vows surrounded by a beautiful bubble filled with twinkling lights and flowers, creating a magical atmosphere for you and your loved ones to enjoy.
    • Adult only resort or not? Let's discuss the pros and cons of choosing an adult-only resort for your honeymoon. While some couples may appreciate the peace and quiet that comes with an adults-only environment, others may prefer a more family-friendly atmosphere. What are your thoughts on this? Have you had any experiences at adult-only resorts that you'd like to share? Let's hear your opinions and recommendations!
    • When it comes to planning a wedding, one of the most exciting parts is choosing the perfect wedding favours for your guests. These small tokens of appreciation are a great way to thank your loved ones for being a part of your special day and to make them feel appreciated.
  • Topics

×
×
  • Create New...