My FI says "he is feeling trapped"...

[Dez921714]

Ok, so I don't know where to post this, so I thought this was a good place, since I don't want to make a whole thread about it.

 

FI and I are having some major issues right now...like, he's feeling "trapped" (cold feet?) and I'm thinking of leaving (don't want to be here if he's only here cause he's "trapped").

 

Anyone go through anything similar? Everyone seems so soooo happy and in love...makes me wonder about us...

[Jessica]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dez921714 Ok, so I don't know where to post this, so I thought this was a good place, since I don't want to make a whole thread about it. FI and I are having some major issues right now...like, he's feeling "trapped" (cold feet?) and I'm thinking of leaving (don't want to be here if he's only here cause he's "trapped"). Anyone go through anything similar? Everyone seems so soooo happy and in love...makes me wonder about us...

Brian and I went through this... except I was the one feeling trapped and with cold feet. Truth be told, I've never been big on the idea of marriage and it scared the heck out of me. Happiness definitely takes work with us... every relationship requires work and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of lies.

We actually ended up taking time away from each other and our relationship while we were engaged because it got so bad.

I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time right now.

[Alyssa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dez921714 Ok, so I don't know where to post this, so I thought this was a good place, since I don't want to make a whole thread about it. FI and I are having some major issues right now...like, he's feeling "trapped" (cold feet?) and I'm thinking of leaving (don't want to be here if he's only here cause he's "trapped"). Anyone go through anything similar? Everyone seems so soooo happy and in love...makes me wonder about us...

I think maybe this does derserve it's own thread! let me know if you want me to move these posts and create one.

now, as for the issue - is this new 'stuff' or have you had issues like this in th epast? everyone goes through issues and problems, my philosphy has always been 'it's how you handle the bad times' if your FI feels trapped now, what happens if you have a sick dog? lose your job? your home? etc? have you ever been through really hard times together in the past?

alyssa

[Dez921714]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JessicaLovesBrian Brian and I went through this... except I was the one feeling trapped and with cold feet. Truth be told, I've never been big on the idea of marriage and it scared the heck out of me. Happiness definitely takes work with us... every relationship requires works and anyone who tells you otherwise is full of lies. We actually ended up taking time away from each other and our relationship while we were engaged because it got so bad. I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time right now.

At least I know I'm not the only one. It still sucks though. We're going to a friends this weekend, but then I was thinking of heading out for a bit...without him...but then that leaves him with the two dogs.

I'm also paranoid because it's more than just a wedding...people have already put down a lot of money to see us get married...

[Dez921714]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa I think maybe this does derserve it's own thread! let me know if you want me to move these posts and create one. now, as for the issue - is this new 'stuff' or have you had issues like this in th epast? everyone goes through issues and problems, my philosphy has always been 'it's how you handle the bad times' if your FI feels trapped now, what happens if you have a sick dog? lose your job? your home? etc? have you ever been through really hard times together in the past? alyssa

Ok...start a new thread LOL

He had a nervous breakdown last year...I got him through it. I lost my job in Oct...we got through it. The issues are old...and it's a lot of things about me that aren't new and will always be. I'm not a neat freak. Our house will always be "lived" in. When we have company we clean it top to bottom...between company, it can get a bit messy (it's both of us, not just me)...that is one of his biggest issues - he doesn't know if he can live like that.

[Maura]

we are 16 days away from our legal day, and both bugging out every couple of days. we fight and he says he's having doubts, but i know he doesnt really mean it. then like an hour later he is kissing & hugging me so i KNOW he didnt mean it. i think sometimes the wedding stress just gets the better of us. but i think this is fairly common & normal. i dont have many friends who are married that DIDNT go through what we're experiencing with the little tiffs all the time before the wedding.

 

on the other hand, i'm not sure feeling "trapped" and thinking about leaving your FI are common & normal. is this an ongoing issue you've had, or is it something just recent that's come up?

[Dez921714]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura we are 16 days away from our legal day, and both bugging out every couple of days. we fight and he says he's having doubts, but i know he doesnt really mean it. then like an hour later he is kissing & hugging me so i KNOW he didnt mean it. i think sometimes the wedding stress just gets the better of us. but i think this is fairly common & normal. i dont have many friends who are married that DIDNT go through what we're experiencing with the little tiffs all the time before the wedding. on the other hand, i'm not sure feeling "trapped" and thinking about leaving your FI are common & normal. is this an ongoing issue you've had, or is it something just recent that's come up?

This is maybe the second time in our almost 4 years together that I have seriously considered leaving. Not so much because I want to not be here, but because I don't want to be with someone because they feel traped and like they can't leave.

[Amarillis]

Wow Dez... I am sorry you are having a rough time.

 

I will stick my neck out there and say - don't leave.

 

Really, what you need to do is talk it out, and stop talking about the wedding - go on a date, have dinner, make a picnic in your living room, do what ever your budget will allow.

 

But the rule is.. NO WEDDING TALK!

 

I think that cold feet is a function of the constant discussion of the wedding, the guests, the costs, the this and that - but if you get a chance to get back to the two of you...

 

You'll remember why you fell in love in the first place.

 

Give it a chance.

 

[Dez921714]

He tells me that the only thing I talk about is this wedding and that I'm obsessed with it. Which is COMPLETELY untrue! So now, we have that fight Tuesday and yesterday he gives me the card of someone to make tee shirts for the wedding and he's asking me if I've priced things and if the prices are good.

 

Now, the LAST thing I want to talk about with him is ANYTHING related to the wedding.

[Maura]

why does he feel trapped? it has to be something other than the cleanliness issue he has.

 

my FI is a neat freak, but he accepts that i am not. yes, we get into arguments sometimes when i dont pick up after myself or clean something half-assed, but he would never say he felt trapped or couldnt live with me for the rest of his life because of that, KWIM?

 

so what are his other issues that are causing him to feel trapped? and are they the same as last time you considered leaving?