Family not approving

[briscoecrown]

I've only been engaged for 2 months, but I've always wanted a DW. My FH loved the idea and is all for it. We've received quite a few negative comments and it's only been 2 months!!! I can only imagine what's going to happen as the date approaches.

 

I've put on my teflon suit & will NOT let anyone distract me. My favorite response has been 'Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.' Guests have to realize that it's YOUR choice.... YOUR wedding. If they can't make it, oh well!!! Quite frankly, I think people (family included) should be honored they're even getting an invite!!

[adias.angel]

Quote:

Originally Posted by briscoecrown I've only been engaged for 2 months, but I've always wanted a DW. My FH loved the idea and is all for it. We've received quite a few negative comments and it's only been 2 months!!! I can only imagine what's going to happen as the date approaches. I've put on my teflon suit & will NOT let anyone distract me. My favorite response has been 'Whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.' Guests have to realize that it's YOUR choice.... YOUR wedding. If they can't make it, oh well!!! Quite frankly, I think people (family included) should be honored they're even getting an invite!!

There is always the standard reply. "Don't like it? You pay for the wedding and then we will allow you to give your 2 cents."

[briscoecrown]

Quote:

Originally Posted by adias.angel There is always the standard reply. "Don't like it? You pay for the wedding and then we will allow you to give your 2 cents."

-- SO TRUE!!! Afterall, I can always use the extra money!

[Chantal85]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillie09 I've had my DW planned since 9/07. I still to this day have my mom asking me if I'm sure I want to do this. My FH and I had a big wedding/reception planned for 2 months and then decided that everything was just too expensive (especially in NY). My mom cannot get over the fact that we are doing something different. I'm so tired of hearing her! I'm excited about my wedding. She keeps telling me that it's a hardship on people. I only invited my very close family and friends. My mom is the only one complaining but now I'm afraid that everyone is upset or disappointed that we're having a DW and I can't even be happy planning. The only person behind me is my sister (thank goodness)!!! I just want to know if anyone has been through this and how it turned out. Oh and my mom loves to tell me that my grandma may not be able to attend (I'm very close to her) and she knows that upsets me but I believe she will be there. I'm so sorry this is so long!

Oh boy do I ever know your situation! In fact, my mother tries the guilt and if that doesn't work, she starts to yell! We aren't on speaking terms right now.

She gets mad that I don't want to invite people like her neighbor (that i don't even know) and one of my uncles (who is currently in jail ). Then tries to make me feel bad that most of her family won't be able to go because of the cost and that my grandma is getting old and won't be able to go. Mom's love playing the "Grandma" card. Sad thing is, she's the only one who is causing trouble.

It has caused a lot of grief and lots of tears on my end. I've even told my Fi that I don't want a wedding anymore! But, I know how much it would mean to him and his family so I'll do it.

So, any time you feel like you need to vent, I'm here for you.

[ccarmany23]

I wish I would have found this post 6 months ago! I sooo relate to everyone here. I have heard everything under the sun about having a DW wedding in Mexico from my family- thank goodness though my brother and sister are really supportive. I have heard the guilt trip that it's "selfish" making others pay so much to travel for a wedding, Mexico could be "tacky", it's more expensive, none of the extended family can make it, etc. I am the first of siblings to get married and the idea of a Destination Wedding is something that they think is extravegant and not common....I have tried every time of approach- rational/money, pictures and explanations of how beautiful/special it will be. I even took a million pictures on a site visit hoping that would get everyone as excited as we were....but somehow I wish that the wedding planning would have been more like I had dreamed it would be, and less about me "convincing" folks about why they should be excited too. But in the end, I have stuck to my guns like you girls because even if its just us and a few others I can't think of a more perfect day in my mind to celebrate. I can't imagine regretting the decision to do a DW.... Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this post!

[ccarmany23]

And Chantal85- I am glad that you have such a great FI to keep you motivated in planning the wedding...I'm sorry you are not on speaking terms with your mom . I too have felt really discouraged and wanted to elope..but you have to remember it will be soo worth it whatever you do on your special day!

[Lillie09]

Wow I honestly thought I was the only one going through this!

 

My mom has not bothered me in a while because hopefully it sank in that I'm not changing my wedding so I can spend $$$$$$$ in NY for people I hardly know.

 

She still says little things here and there but sees the look on my face and shuts up.

 

I'm finally starting to enjoy planning my wedding but I don't really tell her anything.

Thank you for all your stories and advice! Good luck to all of you. I know we'll all have beautiful weddings!!

[foxytv]

We had a lot of push-back ... but those who made it (we had about 40) couldn't have been more ecstatic about how it went and everyone wants to go back and now think a DW is the only way to go.

 

Bottom line though, follow your (and DH) heart. It's YOUR day. I'm glad we stuck to our guns and all of our guests are as well!

[Celina]

Oh..I am so sorry for you! Like Tara said, most of us have went through this. Don't let her sway you. I can understand why your mom feels this way. Maybe you guys can have a reception when you get back? We decided to do this and I can tell that my dad is now so much happier about it. It is sort of bragging rights for the parents. Since I am the only one who actually had a wedding out of my sisters - I'm happy to oblige with the At home reception for my dad.

 

Good luck!

[krysiafosz]

I've been going through the same exact thing, but it's been getting better! y family is so stuck on tradition and doing things "the right way", but who says their way is the right way? I think some people just have a hard time accepting that their children have minds of their own and are actually grown up.

 

We decided to do a DW because we can't get married in the Catholic church without my fiance going through the annullment process-something he doens't want to do, especially since he had a son out of his last marriage. (I completely understand). We offered to get married in a different Church (Lutheran, Episcopalean, etc) but my dad said he wouldn't feel comfortable with that. So I brought up getting married outdoors, which made him feel better, then I mentioned Mexico and he started smiling! My mom has been slow to accepting this because she's worried about what other people will think, and all of the people that won't be able to go, but it is ultimately something that WE want. So she's done the same thing, dropped little hints, or brought up little negatives here and there about why we should get married in the states instead, but she's coming around. It took her a good month or two, and now she's just a little anxious because she thinks planning a wedding in another country is hard. I am the one doing all of the planning though, she hasn't looked into it much, so she told me that once I ceom to her and show her the details she'll feel better about it.

 

It has been hard for me, especially since as the bride, I would love for my family to be happy, and show some excitement over the planning process, not keep bringing up concerns.

 

Just trry to take a deep breath and remember you're not being selfish in your decision, and the others that might be giving you a hard time, THEY need to come to terms with it, not you. = )