Need advice B4 I do something stupid

[nikkianddean]

My mom was very hurt when I mentioned it. And the relationship that our families have had in the past is what baffles me on this. If she had recieved an invitation she woud defintiely have gone. Now, it's like a slap in the face. My main point is that our families have been close for so many years and then to not invite her (and give no heads up) i find so troubling. I mean since we were younger we have called each other's mother "aunt so-and-so" because we could not call them by their 1st name and we were too close to call them mrs so-and-so....because we were like family...

 

I understand weddings are expensive as I am planning one myself. Even with our limited space capacity I have broken down and added people to my guest list that I did not want/or did not think we had to invite. But my MOHs parents? That was not even a question for me. And when they got their STD, she made a note of telling me how much they appreciated getting it. it seems like common sense to me.

 

I am going to ask her straight out because I really want to know what her view is.

[Dez921714]

Uh oh...I didn't invite my any of my BM's parents...including my BF since we were about 11. Should I talk to her about it? If I was having a traditional wedding, they'd be invited...uh oh

[Alyssa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikkianddean My mom was very hurt when I mentioned it. And the relationship that our families have had in the past is what baffles me on this. If she had recieved an invitation she woud defintiely have gone. Now, it's like a slap in the face. My main point is that our families have been close for so many years and then to not invite her (and give no heads up) i find so troubling. I mean since we were younger we have called each other's mother "aunt so-and-so" because we could not call them by their 1st name and we were too close to call them mrs so-and-so....because we were like family... I understand weddings are expensive as I am planning one myself. Even with our limited space capacity I have broken down and added people to my guest list that I did not want/or did not think we had to invite. But my MOHs parents? That was not even a question for me. And when they got their STD, she made a note of telling me how much they appreciated getting it. it seems like common sense to me. I am going to ask her straight out because I really want to know what her view is.

I think in this case it is very strange that she did not invite your parents. the most strange part is that she didn't acknowledge it or give you a heads up - i totally agree that you should call her out. that sucks!

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dez921714 Uh oh...I didn't invite my any of my BM's parents...including my BF since we were about 11. Should I talk to her about it? If I was having a traditional wedding, they'd be invited...uh oh

Have any of them said anything to you? I invited my BF's parents and they were the first to book. Even before our family. Of course they call me daughter number 2.
Nikki I do think there is an issue here. But just make sure you don't explode on her. Like Maura said it is her wedding BUT that doesn't make it okay. I just know my Mom would be destroyed if she wasn't invited to my Bf's wedding.

[Maura]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81 Like Maura said it is her wedding BUT that doesn't make it okay.

Right Kathi, that's what I meant -- it IS her wedding and she can invite or not invite whomever she chooses. That doesn't make it okay considering how close the families are, but you have to remember that not everyone does everything the same way we would do it. KWIM?

[nikkianddean]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dez921714 Uh oh...I didn't invite my any of my BM's parents...including my BF since we were about 11. Should I talk to her about it? If I was having a traditional wedding, they'd be invited...uh oh

I think it depends on your personal situtation. do you consider your BMs family or like close friends. The thing about my MOH is that we have been friends and our fam's have been close for 20+ years. My parents are divorced and my dad lies in VA. I would not expect him to be invited. But my mom has been so supportive of their family (thru MOH's father's cancer and all...) there are too many details to include here to explain everything we have been thru with them.

I would say if you think you should invite your BM's fam's maybe you could ask them how they feel about it. I think addressing someone's feelings is thoughtful and shows you care. But again, it's totally personal depending on the type of relationship you have. If this was a BM that I had known maybe a couple years I wouldn't assume my fam would be invited.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kat81 Have any of them said anything to you? I invited my BF's parents and they were the first to book. Even before our family. Of course they call me daughter number 2. Nikki I do think there is an issue here. But just make sure you don't explode on her. Like Maura said it is her wedding BUT that doesn't make it okay. I just know my Mom would be destroyed if she wasn't invited to my Bf's wedding.

Thanks Kat. I am glad we are meeting on Wednesday. I do not want to go off on her. I want to be calm cool & collected

[Kat81]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura Right Kathi, that's what I meant -- it IS her wedding and she can invite or not invite whomever she chooses. That doesn't make it okay considering how close the families are, but you have to remember that not everyone does everything the same way we would do it. KWIM?

I'm smellin' what your steppin' in Maura HA HA HA HA

[cheese_diva]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maura nikki, i mean all this in the most loving, rational way, so please dont take this as any kind of attack. my MOH is my best friend from college. i know her parents well. they're divorced and each remarried for 15+ years. the divorce was somewhat amicable. i didn't invite either set of her parents - we were trying to keep the guest list small and we even excluded inviting some family members like cousins we aren't close to. plus it wasnt like i could invite one set of her parents and not the other, so i just didnt invite anyone. we were tight on space. we originally only wanted about 30 guests, and now we have about 60. the capacity of the restaurant we chose at our location is basically 60 people. if we have any more people, we may have to move our reception location, which i am adamantly against. her parents arent key players in my life with my FI. she totally understood because she did the same thing with her wedding 2 years ago. i dont think she really owed you a heads up...it IS her wedding and she can invite (or not invite) whomever she wants. Maybe she doesn't feel as close to your parents as you feel to hers? Maybe she feels pressure from her FI's family to invite more from their side and thats why your parents didn't make the top 200 cut? who knows. all im saying is, the guest list for someone else's wedding is never our choice no matter how much we want it to be, or how much we would like the extent of a courtesy invite for our parents. just because you and I have the sense to do it doesnt mean everyone does. are they paying for their wedding themselves? are the parents paying for it? i just see so many scenarios where inviting a friend's parents arent a priority to someone. i think it's good that youre going to talk it out with her, but remember, you are a guest at the wedding, and you dont get to make the guest list.

Well said.. I completely agree and of all people, a bride planning her own wedding would/should be more sympathetic about guest lists and what goes into making them. Maybe the fact that you're upset about other things are clouding how my you might feel about this otherwise? Glad you'll have time to think before talking to her in person.

[DanielleNDerek]

It sounds like your mom is close to not only her but also her parents. and i would expect your mom to be invited. maybe something is going on with your bm. let us know how your talk goes with her on Weds and try not to explode on her.

[nikkianddean]

well, we had to change our Wednesday meeting to lunch today since we are both busy tomorrow. I just don't want to cry in the middle of the day. I get really emotional everytime I talk about it

 

Wish me luck.