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Dad's attire- need some advice! (a bit long)


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#1 Pisces

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    Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:18 PM

    Okay, need a bit of advice.
    Last weekend, we were over at my dad's and he asked me if he could wear his tux to my wedding. He said he was really excited and that this was an extremely important event for him (I'm his first daughter getting married) and I know how much he loves to dress up (which is true). Without thinking I thought, well he's obviously very excited, why would I ruin it for him? I did tell him he was going to be very hot and he might want to bring a "back-up" suit or outfit in case he changes his mind once he gets there. But then he took it out to show me (I didn't realize he even owned a tux) and I could just see the cheesy dad-love in his eyes. I said "of course, wear whatever you like, I want you to be comfortable". And generally I don't like dictating what people wear.

    Then I got home and Colin told me he was kind of uncomfortable with it, mostly because he thinks he should be the most dressed up guy there and he's wearing a tan suit (my dad's tux is black, really not at all appropriate for the venue or setting). I really should have consulted Colin about it first, but I didn't think it through when I answered. Now I tend to agree with him.. but I really don't want to hurt my dad's feelings, and I don't want to be being snooty in telling people what to wear.

    I'm so torn as to what to do. I don't feel right telling my dad that it's Colin who feels uncomfortable because I don't want to come between the two men in my life! My only other thinking was to suggest he get the same suit as Colin, so he feels a little like the bridal party, but we're not actually having a bridal party! My brother thinks that is super weird to have my dad and fiance dressed the same. It's just a tan suit... AH! So complicated!! Any advice? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
    Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

    #2 Hartyt509

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      Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:23 PM

      Let your dad wear it, its hardly going to kill anyone.

      I'm sure there is stuff that you aren't thrilled about which FI wants to do so just do a trade off. Now if he was wanting to wear an elvis suite I could understand why FI would be upset but maybe its just his pride!

      You'll get round it - I'm a proper daddies girl so I'd probably tell him to suck it up lmao

      #3 jajajaja

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        Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:25 PM

        They don't have to be dressed exactly the same if they are both wearing a tan suit. They can get it in different materials and wear different shirts underneath or different ties.

        I also agree that it will look odd for your dad to be wearing a tux and your groom in a tan suit. Think of how the family pictures will turn out? I know that's not the most important thing, but I'm sure you want some really beautiful pics of the family and I think your dad would stick out like a sore thumb.

        How to break it to him though- that's a tough one. I'm not good in these situations because I don't really have a soft way with words. I hope others will give you some advice in this area. :)
        Happily married since 2008

        #4 jajajaja

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          Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:26 PM

          Oh and I wanted to add, I didn't want to be all bridezilla like either so I went with the flow. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with having a vision how you would like things to look. You shouldn't feel bad about it. :)
          Happily married since 2008

          #5 Martha

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            Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:30 PM

            Tell him it's going to be too hot to wear a tux and you are concerned for his safety or something. Ugh...I would just tell my dad staright up. But, this is my second wedding and my dad already got to wear a tux for that one.


            I have no asnwers, I hate hurting my parents feelings!

            #6 Dez921714

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              Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:32 PM

              I agree that it will look a little weird to have your FI in a tan suite and dad in a tux....maybe explain it to dad that way. Tell him when you said OK to the tux, it completely slipped your mind that FI wasn't going to be wearing one too and that you don't want your dad to feel uncomfortable by being the most formal person there. Suggest he get a suit similar to FI's, but like Rachel suggested maybe a different tie or fabric.

              I wouldn't make it abotu FI, because you're right, then it's putting them against each other.

              Make it about you or your dad. Either what I mentioned before, or tell him you were thinking about it and you think your pictures will look really weird if he's the ONLY one in a tux.
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              #7 Pisces

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                Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:36 PM

                Thanks for your advice ladies. I struggle with this because one of the things I really don't like is seeing people not be themselves and be someone else for a wedding day, just for the sake of pictures. It is SO my dad to want to be all dressed up, even if he looks totally out of place. I honestly don't think the pictures would be ruined by him looking so dressed up- people would just laugh. But I think I still will suggest a tan suit. I did tell him he would be way too hot..

                I just know this is a really big event for him too.
                Colin in I in 2005 when we fell in love with Maui!

                #8 alex

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                  Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:43 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Pisces
                  Thanks for your advice ladies. I struggle with this because one of the things I really don't like is seeing people not be themselves and be someone else for a wedding day, just for the sake of pictures. It is SO my dad to want to be all dressed up, even if he looks totally out of place. I honestly don't think the pictures would be ruined by him looking so dressed up- people would just laugh. But I think I still will suggest a tan suit. I did tell him he would be way too hot..

                  I just know this is a really big event for him too.
                  If you know it's going to mean alot to him & it won't bother you in the least maybe talk to your FI. Make sure he realizes that your Dad isn't trying to be more dressed up than him or anything like that. Try to get him to see your point of view from it!!

                  #9 DanielleNDerek

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                    Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:44 PM

                    I agree that it would look weird if he was more dressed up than the groom and i think the pics would look a little weird too. I know when i have to break something gently to my dad, i usually just let my mom do it. I'm a chicken. But if your brave, i would just tell him that although his tux is really nice and he would look great in it, you don't think it would be appropriate for a DW and just suggest he wear a linen or tan suit.
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                    #10 Chiquita

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                      Posted 10 June 2008 - 12:56 PM

                      Hmmm.. can you get your mom to say something about it? Like that maybe him wearing a black tux will look a bit weird if the FI is in a tan suit? I know that sounds like passing the buck, but maybe he would listen to your mom objectively?




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