article on cnn.com- too broke to be a MOH

[StephanieMN]

After spending an insane amount of money being my sisters MOH I decided to make things very inexpensive for my sisters. We found their dresses off the rack for $20!! That, some shoes and 2 parties shouldn't have added up to more than $100 each. You can make it pretty easy. I know we really lucked out finding the dresses.

[Ana]

Considering the costs of going to Cabo for a week I didn't want to make the bm's go to crazy lengths to be in my wedding. I assigned people colors and materials for the dresses and the rest is up to them. They can spend as much or as little as they want. Also since we're all spread around North America we might try to pick a central location for the bachelorette party or just not have one at all, but we're definitely not having a shower..its just too difficult.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TA Maureen Interesting article, thanks for posting. I am in a wedding this summer that is getting quite expensive to be in. I started a thread a while back telling you girls how the MOH wanted us to give the bride the following as her shower gift because the bride's mother was paying for the shower so we wouldn't have to pay for the caterer or any major shower expenses: $1,000.00 gift cert. towards her honeymoon, $75.00 gift cert. for mani and pedi, then a basket with smaller gifts such as a beach bag, towels, candle, picture frame, etc. This was to the tune of $250.00 per BM. I had to speak up and say that was just too much because we were also supposed to bring a couple of bottles of wine each to the shower and chip in to get a hostess gift for the MOB. We ended up putting in $150.00 a piece in and giving her a $500.00 travel certificate instead but some of the girls gave me a lot of attitud over speaking up. We also have a very expensive bachelorette party in Atlantic City and the wedding is out of town so it's adding up. I tried to be understanding of the fact that my BM's would be paying $1200.00 just to come to my wedding so I paid for their dresses, hair, and jewelry and let them wear whatever shoes they wanted. I also had a low key bachelorette party on a Sunday during happy hour when there was lots of drink specials.

Yikes! I would speak up too. It's sad that people get mad at you for speaking up. I said something once about a bachelorette party in vegas when one of the BMs was unemployeed. Honestly I don't think the bride wanted it to be so expensive either. She was just excited about the plans & not thinking about the cost.

[Sandra E.]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgan Yikes! I would speak up too. It's sad that people get mad at you for speaking up. I said something once about a bachelorette party in vegas when one of the BMs was unemployeed. Honestly I don't think the bride wanted it to be so expensive either. She was just excited about the plans & not thinking about the cost.

Me too! I actually spoke up a couple of years ago when I was supposed to be in a friend's wedding. The BM were all from Chicago and I was the only one flying in from Dallas. The bride wanted me to spend 200.00 on hair, pay over 300/per night hotel by myself, pay for the 200.00 bridesmaid dress and pay 100.00 to get my makeup done. So since I've known her since middle school I asked if I was going to be invited with a guest, I was thinking about bringing my Mom since she's known her since childhood and my friend had stayed at my Mom's for about 2 months while she was getting back up on her feet. She said she couldn't believe I was asking her that and now she was stressed and how dare I stress her during her wedding planning. To make a long story short she pretty much fired me from her wedding over voicemail, I never called her back and in fact the weekend of her wedding I went to the Bahamas!

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sandra E. Me too! I actually spoke up a couple of years ago when I was supposed to be in a friend's wedding. The BM were all from Chicago and I was the only one flying in from Dallas. The bride wanted me to spend 200.00 on hair, pay over 300/per night hotel by myself, pay for the 200.00 bridesmaid dress and pay 100.00 to get my makeup done. So since I've known her since middle school I asked if I was going to be invited with a guest, I was thinking about bringing my Mom since she's known her since childhood and my friend had stayed at my Mom's for about 2 months while she was getting back up on her feet. She said she couldn't believe I was asking her that and now she was stressed and how dare I stress her during her wedding planning. To make a long story short she pretty much fired me from her wedding over voicemail, I never called her back and in fact the weekend of her wedding I went to the Bahamas!

wow, that is sad. In most of the weddings I was in the bride invited my mom. I thought that was really nice of them. Especially when you have to fly for the trip, it realy helps to get to bring someone along.

I don't get my hair or makeup done. When it's short, i wear it down. If it's long I do a simple up-do. It makes me less distracted with appointments so I can actually support the bride. Any time I got an up-do at a salon it always ran late & made me stressed out.

I just think all those demands are losing focus of what maters- having your friends & family surrounding you & giving their support.

[Chiquita]

I've tried to really make it easy on my BM's. I bought their dresses, and will be paying for their hair as well. Mind you, I only have 2 BM's so it's not going to be that much more of an expense for me. I just put it into the "wedding budget". They will either go barefoot or wear barefoot sandals and I'll buy those as well. We are also going to do our own makeup but I might treat them to a makeup lesson at MAC as well.. just cause it would be a fun thing to do. I just felt they were spending alot of money to get to Maui and stay for a week so wanted to ease the burden a bit. I've told them I don't really want some huge bachelorette party or anything so hopefully they don't go overboard with that. I'd also like to find them some nice turquoise earrings to wear.. hmm

[jajajaja]

See- this will probably get me started on my rant, but I'm so sick of the bridezilla types that take things too far. Getting married is a celebratory occassion but why does everyone need to go broke? Does that make you a better friend? Not in my book but I occassionally read books that other's don't. LOL

 

I would seriously like to see this whole wedding business rethought. There is no reason people should feel obiligated to spend that kind of dough. It really puts the bridal party in a hard place. If they can't afford it, they feel like shit and not a good enough friend. So so sad.

[Kristy!]

I like the whole idea of having the shower and bachelorette party in the same weekend. It really helps out with people traveling.

 

I have also spent about $1000 for every wedding I've been in. It's just crazy.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LC_Rachel See- this will probably get me started on my rant, but I'm so sick of the bridezilla types that take things too far. Getting married is a celebratory occassion but why does everyone need to go broke? Does that make you a better friend? Not in my book but I occassionally read books that other's don't. LOL I would seriously like to see this whole wedding business rethought. There is no reason people should feel obiligated to spend that kind of dough. It really puts the bridal party in a hard place. If they can't afford it, they feel like shit and not a good enough friend. So so sad.

i agree. I think we might be in the same book club. i often rant about the expectations of a bridesmaid. I would love to see the whole wedding business change. I dreaded having a wedding because you are expected to invite all 200+ of your closest friends & family. Then you are expected to feed them, get them drunk & play some music. Especially as our country is in some hard economic times, this really should change. I wanted a small 20-30 person wedding & we can't realistically do that without leaving the country. people always get offended for not being invited. I'd like a wedding to be more like the type of party I'd throw if I was celebrating anything else. Just simple & fun. If people want to have big, elaborate weddings that's fine. But, anytime I hear about a person having a simple, backyard wedding it's always a complaint from a guests that it wasn't good enough. Also, people get tired of going to so many weddings each year. So it would be nice if you could keep a wedding small without offending some 2nd cousin twice removed.

[Amarillis]

I agree... the last time I was an MOH - that cost me... a total of about 6 days off of work (vacay time), a couple hundred for an ugly burnt raisin dress, 3 (yes 3) showers that I was expected to go to, a bachelorette party that the Mother of the Bride requested that i hold, for which I forked out nearly $2500 (the other BM was the Brides sister who was in school and used that for an excuse not to help financially) + travel to her weddding (600kms one way, 2 nights at a ritzy hotel, food, gas, etc), $200 for my hair and makeup... wow... i could go on and on... I guess that brings me to my point which is.. I will not tolerate anyone mentioning the cost of our DW.